I Heard You Still Love Her

—Xiaoyan, I'm home.

I don't know why, when I heard Xiao Ruoyan say this, Yan Zhilan's nose was inexplicably sour, she clenched the hand clasped with Ayan's fingers, and followed her into the house.

She once hugged Xiaoyan and said: "I want to have a home that belongs to us."

It doesn't need to be much.

But it is their own home.

There, they don't have to hide, they can hug, kiss, and do things that ordinary couples can do but are extremely envious of them.

In those faint and gloomy years when no light can be seen.

Xiao Ruoyan was in their home, waiting day by day, she yearned and missed Xiaoyan, time and time again.

She even made a wish to the gods that one day she could bring her girl back, and she could give everything.

Now, Xiaoyan is here and his dreams come true.

Xiao Ruoyan's eyes were blurred, she said she didn't cry, but she just couldn't help it.

When Yan Zhilan walked in, she couldn't describe her shock.

Home, not big, but her breath is everywhere.

Once, her photos, everything that belonged to them, were deprived of them by their parents.

They didn't even leave a group photo.

In the room, all the paintings, large and small, are all hugs and happy together.

Yan Zhilan's eyes were red, and she bit her lip, holding back her tears.

In the living room, the biggest picture hanging is Xiao Ruoyan's creation with a lot of hard work.

Under the piano, Yan Zhilan wore her favorite white dress and played with a smile. Under her stage, there were many green and tender faces, and in the middle of the crowd was an oversized person with eyes full of admiration. Teacher Yan's student-Xiao Ruoyan.

—Ayan, I want to be a teacher in the future, and I want to have many lovely students to teach them how to play the piano, okay?

The one on the coffee table next to the living room is Yan Zhilan sitting on a verdant side road. She is lying in the middle of the grass very comfortably, with the grass roots in her mouth, resting her hands and looking at the sky, Xiao Ruoyan next to her He looked at her funny, got close to her, and said something in her ear.

—Ayan, I like purity. If we can, we will often go to the countryside and forests in the future, OK?

To the side, it was rainy, Yan Zhilan lowered her head, but she squatted on the ground with a smile, touching a puppy’s head with one hand, feeding it, and Xiao Ruoyan holding an umbrella looking at her helplessly beside her. She blocked the rain, but her shoulders got wet.

—Ayan, let's feed the stray dogs at the door, it's raining, they are so pitiful.

To the side, Yan Zhilan looked pitifully holding Xiao Ruoyan's school uniform. Xiao Ruoyan frowned, but the corners of her lips couldn't help but rise.

—Ayan, don’t be angry with me, okay?

Walking through the living room and through the promenade, in the middle of the promenade, Xiao Ruoyan was hung and bent over, pouting and raising her eyebrows while looking at her shoelaces, while Yan Zhilan smiled in favor, seeming to complain helplessly. Kids, don’t you even know how to tie your shoelaces?".

—Ayan, you said you little villain, do you want me to tie your shoelaces for the rest of your life?

In the kitchen, it was Xiao Ruoyan peeling potatoes and Yan Zhilan smiled behind her and hugged her coquettishly. Xiao Ruoyan played a naughty hand with a drop of water on her head, and the two smiled like a child.

—Ayan, you look so handsome when cooking, I can’t help but want to hug you.

Going through the kitchen and going inside is the bathroom.

In the painting, the two are brushing their teeth with a pink and blue toothbrush, smiling happily in the mirror like two fools.

—Ayan, don’t you think it’s warm and happy that the two of you brush your teeth together after getting up early?

Yan Zhilan's tears had flowed down uncontrollably. She didn't know how her Ayan lived in these years, without her, even when she heard others say that she had a fiance.

In the restaurant, Xiao Ruoyan raised her eyebrows and looked at Yan Zhilan's dissatisfaction with her picky eater painting. In the painting, Yan Zhilan secretly stuck her tongue out, naughty like a child, and tried to secretly hide the dishes she didn't eat.

—Ayan, don’t people want to eat vegetables, don’t you let me eat, okay?

Xiao Ruoyan wiped away the tears in Yan Zhilan's eyes and led her all the way to the bedroom.

In the middle of the bedroom, there is a picture of Yan Zhilan alone. It is a very simple oil painting. Yan Zhilan is standing among a bunch of flowers. Her bangs have been blown out of order. Her smile is more beautiful than the spring breeze. Her lips are pouting slightly, seeming to be calling. "Ayan".

—Ayan, I want you to coax me to sleep every day and let you cover my feet. I'm so cold, okay? I laughed to show you, you like it best.

Xiao Ruoyan looked at Yan Zhilan who was crying silently. She choked and restrained her emotions: "I...I am very tired and tired when I come back every day. I miss you so much...I can't help..."

There is no way to forget.

There is no way not to love.

There is no way to stop missing.

She didn't even dare to bring people to her home.

Even Gao Yu can only be in the living room, the bedroom belongs to her and Xiao Yan.

She was afraid that others would be frightened by seeing her "morbidity".

But what should I do?

In the days without Yan Zhilan, she was dying of illness, and there was no cure, so she could only deceive herself and others like this.

Yan Zhilan turned around, walked to Xiao Ruoyan, stretched out her arms and hugged her vigorously.

She tried very hard, exhausted all her strength, trying to embed herself in her arms.

she knows.

Her Yan has worked hard all these years.

She left her hometown, repeated with her dearest parents, and wandered around alone. Those were what she thought of.

She didn't expect it.

In an empty corner, Xiao Ruoyan missed her secretly.

Ten years of time.

Yan Zhilan fought against her father with the price of blood, and had to use fantasy to "drink poison to quench thirst", telling herself again and again that it was not true, but couldn't help but indulge, because she knew that Xiao Ruoyan could only be seen there.

Where's Ayan?

She drew "them" one after another.

Every time I paint, my heart is burned on the sword once, and my heart dripping with blood.

Xiao Ruoyan painted many small faces, that was her obsession.

On Xiaoyan's 26th birthday, she was drunk with the tincture she drank, and when Gao Yu sent it back, Xiao Ruoyan vomited bile by the flowerbed.

Maybe I miss it too much.

She actually smelled Xiaoyan's body.

The smell made her tremble all over, and Xiao Ruoyan collapsed, leaving her squatting down and crying, hugging herself.

Xiaoyan, Xiaoyan, Xiaoyan...

That's it, we will accompany each other every birthday together, but where are you?

After going home.

Xiao Ruoyan took a bath with cold water, she dried her clothes hastily, and walked to the studio like a walking dead.

A night light, a cigarette, a brush, that is her warmth.

With a single stroke, it looks like Xiaoyan.

Warm candlelight, lovely cake, Yan Zhilan in the painting wears a birthday hat on her head, puts her hands together, and makes a pious wish with her eyes closed.

And Xiao Ruoyan herself?

She was playfully behind her, paddled her feet, and kissed her secretly.

So beautiful...

At the end of the painting, the entire drawing paper was wet, and Xiao Ruoyan couldn't help herself. She stroked the rice paper with trembling fingertips, muttering: "I miss you so much."

…

One after another tormented night,

When Xiao Ruoyan felt unable to hold on, she came to paint Xiaoyan.

Sometimes I paint and paint, and the characters in the painting seem to be able to come out and enter her dreams.

Xiao Ruoyan was also like Xiaoyan, greedy like a child, and didn't want to wake up.

But how sweet and warm the two people in the dream are, and how desolate and painful the one after waking up.

Halfway through, Xu Nian and Xiao He once came to see her. Seeing the painting in this room, the two old men were shocked.

"you you…"

Xiao Ruoyan's face was pale, she smiled bitterly: "Yes, I'm crazy."

Xu Nian and Xiao He looked at her, looked at the tears on her face, looked at her almost collapsed expression, they couldn't say a word.

From small to large, from small to large.

Xiao Ruoyan is their pride.

If Yan was not as naughty as other children when she was young, she matured very early and knew that it was not easy for her parents to make money.

Originally, after the separation of the two in high school, the waiting year of the senior year, Yan Zhilan’s missed appointment, exhausted all Xiao Ruoyan’s hope and dignity, Xu Nian and Xiao He also thought that their daughters could finally "know the way back". Forget her.

They have even begun to arrange blind dates for Xiao Ruoyan step by step. Those boys are young and promising. The most important thing is that they can let her have the love that is blessed in the sun. There is no need to cover up, and you can always be Take care of your pet, but Xiao Ruoyan just sneered at the corners of her lips when she saw it, or she didn’t see it. If she saw it, she would definitely show the other party directly and tell them: she is gay, she has a girl she likes, she Waiting for her.

Xiao He paled with anger. He slapped Xiao Ruoyan and slapped her face severely, making her face swollen.

Xiao Ruoyan was slapped in the face, and she didn't react. She just murmured: "It turns out that she hurts so much."

She remembered what happened to them back then, when her parents were called to the school. Yan Feng slapped Xiaoyan in front of all of them. The slap was also heavy, and she slapped her face crookedly.

That was Xiao Ruoyan's heart knot. When her girl was crying and tears were streaming down her face, she actually had no way to hold her in her arms and take care of her.

This sentence is simply to anger Xiao He and Xu Nian to death.

Later, Xiao Ruoyan reacted quickly. She packed up her luggage and left the city silently, leaving only a note for the second elder.

-Mom and Dad, I love you.

I know you are so disappointed in me.

But if I can, why would I want it?

She was already uncomfortable and going crazy.

For the next year, Xu Nian had no news of her daughter. She tossed and turned, awake at night, and Xiao He didn't feel well.

In the first half of the year, the old couple could still hold on to their anger, and within a year, their hearts became more panic. They were afraid of Xiao Ruoyan's accident.

Missing her daughter so much, Xu Nian begged others to help find her daughter's address. She didn't tell her husband, she was sitting on the bus and tossing to see her.

But Xiao Ruoyan rarely lives in rented houses during the day. She has participated in many performances, ran many record companies, and sold many of her original songs.

That was what Xu Nian could not think about. Her daughter was so proud that she wrote a song "Taste". The record company wanted to buy her song for a big price, but she didn’t sell it, even because of Xu. Nian persuaded her to get furious, but now, she really didn't want anything for the girl.

When Xu Nian walked to the crowded and dirty path, she looked at the people running around. In broad daylight, there were very young men walking around shirtlessly. After seeing her, everybody was vicious and the garbage on the road was good. No one cleaned it up for a few days, and flies were stinking around.

Xu Nian repeatedly looked at the address recorded on the paper and was sure that there was nothing wrong, so she mustered up the courage to move on.

Finally, at the end of the tube building, she found the place where her daughter was renting.

She didn't have the key, so she was waiting there.

Such a place...

Although their family is not a rich family, but since childhood, they have never missed her for what they can give to their daughter.

They all felt that Xiao Ruoyan couldn't make it through. He would spend ten days and a half outside at most, and would come back if he couldn't stand the hardship.

But she actually stood up for so long.

When Xiao Ruoyan came back very late, she was still carrying pancakes bought from a small stall in her hand. It was a bit cold at night. She stomped and walked home tremblingly. The moment she saw Xu Nian, she was stunned. Living.

I haven't seen it for more than a year.

Xu Nian watched her daughter tears all of a sudden.

Xiao Ruoyan is thinner, a lot thinner, she was tall originally, but now it looks like a clothes rack.

Seeing her mother, Xiao Ruoyan's eyes were also red, she walked over, choked up: "Why are you here?"

Xu Nian didn't speak, she looked at her daughter's pale face and thick dark circles under her eyes, and bit her lip firmly.

Opened the door.

Not much warmer, similar to the outside temperature.

Xu Nian went in and saw that the room was so small that it could only fit a bed, not even a decent piece of furniture.

Xiao Ruoyan took out the electric blanket and surrounded Xu Nian. She poured her another cup of hot water, "Don't catch a cold."

Xu Nian took it and looked at her daughter. In the end, many of the complaining words turned into one sentence: "Mom asks you, so hard, what are you doing?"

Xiao Ruoyan was half hanging her head. She wore a beige windbreaker. One year of running around saved her from her teenage years. She was very tired and had to be overdrawn from working overtime every day.

"Mom heard that your company is in good conditions. Why are you renting a house here? Do you know who lives next to you? Are you not afraid of any surprises?"

Xu Nian couldn't help complaining, Xiao Ruoyan said faintly: "Not afraid."

She needs money.

Only after having money and seeing Xiaoyan, can she have her own home with her.

Accident?

Not only once, Xiao Ruoyan felt that the world was so pale and cold.

Life without Xiaoyan is just alive.

She is like a rootless weed, floating, if there is any accident, it may be a relief for her.

Nothing to love.

She was not the first she was long ago.

Xu Nian couldn't cry. She looked at her daughter and tremblingly took out her passbook from her pocket, "This is—"

"unnecessary."

Before she finished speaking, Xiao Ruoyan interrupted her. She looked at Xu Nian's eyes without a trace of temperature, "You take it back, and I can make money by myself."

Xu Nian's tears grew fiercer with anger, "You are going to be your lifelong enemies with your parents like this, aren't you?"

Xiao Ruoyan heard the dull pain, and even with it, her stomach seemed to cramp. Her hand supported her stomach, and the sweat from her painful forehead was left, and she was relaxing against the wall.

Xu Nian was taken aback, and hurried to help Xiao Ruoyan, but Xiao Ruoyan looked at her pale: "Mom...Do you think I want this? What did I do wrong, tell me? I just fell in love. A girl, I... do I have to be scolded by thousands of people?"

She did not understand.

She really didn't understand why it was so.

…

Later, Xu Nian stayed for a day and left.

She stayed with Xiao Ruoyan all night and squeezed all day in that little bed.

In the evening, she listened to the song written by Xiao Ruoyan. When she was a child, her daughter would compose, and the lyrics and genre of music at that time were joyous and happy.

Now, in the dark night, in the humble cabin, Xiao Ruoyan's voice is so bleak and lonely.

—I wandered and came to a city without you.

Facing the cold wind through the streets without you.

I learned how to grow and forbearance.

I no longer lose my temper and know how to smile.

But there is no you by my side...

I sold my ideals, sold my dignity, and sold love songs that I would hum in your ears every time.

I want to exchange everything for a home that belongs to you and me.

But you are no longer by my side.

…

Xu Nian didn't sleep for the whole night, and even for a moment, her heart was moved, thinking it would be so, don't criticize her any more, let her go home, if she wants to wait, let her wait.

When she left, Xu Nian secretly left her passbook. After Xiao Ruoyan found out, she wiped away her tears silently and mailed it back to her.

Since then, the family has not forced her to do anything.

Xu Nian told Xiao He what he was thinking, but he didn't agree to comfort Xu Nian by saying that the society is sinister, and he believed that his daughter could not hold on for long.

and after?

Once she persisted, it was six years.

Six years of time.

She has matured and grown up.

In the year of her 28th birthday, when Xu Nian secretly visited her, Xiao Ruoyan no longer lived in the basement. Her company allocated a dormitory for her. She had friends and was no longer alone.

She even sat in the middle of the crowd, dressed in glamorous clothes. Everyone was celebrating her birthday, yelling, "Director Xiao."

She was surrounded by so many people, and after so many years, Xiao Ruoyan's efforts paid off for her sweat.

She should be happy, but she looks so unhappy.

Her face was smiling, but her heart was crying silently.

Many people toasted her, Xiao Ruoyan drank one cup after another, and when everyone held the birthday cake, she also wore a birthday hat, folded her hands and made a wish.

—May my and her be happy and happy.

Xiaoyan, are you okay?

Years have never changed.

Until the end of the banquet, Xu Nian waited for her and followed her secretly.

She looked at Xiao Ruoyan and stumbled a little while drinking. She watched as she walked to the door of the house alone, sitting on the cold flower bed, shaking her feet and murmured with tears: "Xiaoyan, I'm twenty-eight, you Happy birthday to me again."

…

Paintings one after another, memories one after another, throbbing pain again and again.

Yan Zhilan was trembling all over crying in the end. She squatted on the ground in grief and pain and couldn't help herself. Xiao Ruoyan walked over and hugged her quietly, "Don't cry, stop crying."

This time, it was her turn to comfort her.

Xiao Ruoyan kissed her tears a little bit, she took Xiaoyan's hand, helped her stand up, and walked to the very center of the bedroom, where there was a huge painting that was hidden by a canvas beside the bed.

Xiao Ruoyan kissed Yan Zhilan's hand lightly, and drew her lips across her ring. She looked at Xiaoyan and murmured, "You open it."

She waited for this moment for a long time.

The author has something to say: Ye Ye wrote, hey, wipe your tears.