I Kill Monsters For A Living

"WE'RE HOME!" Said Mike as he ran into the headquarters with joy. Mike then threw his phone under the bunk bed. "AHH, feels good to be back!" He then sat down on the couch and began watching TV. "Now I can get back to my productive life style."

"Are we going to kill giant monsters again!?" Ada began jumping around the whole room in excitement.

"I don't know." Mike shrugged as he changed the TV channel.

"Thanks for killing the mood jerk..."

Kim then walked in and saw her cat sleeping on the bed. "There you are!" She said cheerfully as she picked up her cat from the bed.

The door is still broken... "Hey guys, are we going to do anything about the door?"

"I'll fix that later." Mike replied.

"You're not going to fix it aren't you..." I sighed while crossing my arms.

"I'm not going to fix it..."

"I'll clean it up then..."

Mike then turned around and threw his wallet at me, "Buy us a new door, get some snacks while you're at it as well."

"Pfft... fine. I need someone to help me carry the door, yo Ada, can you teleport me to the markets?"

"Sure no problem." Ada said as she put her hand up. She then slapped me in the face teleporting me to the market area.

"Ouch..." I whispered to myself as I rubbed my cheek.

I would appreciate it if she teleported me places without slapping me...

"Hey loser..." I heard a high-pitched voice coming from behind me. I turned around to see who the voice was coming from and saw Lemon in a black hoodie and glasses.

"OH CRAP IT'S LE-"

"Say my name and you'll regret it..." She said with her teeth grit.

"Why are you here?" I then backed off a bit and clenched my fist.

"Woah, no need to get so tensed up..."

"Why are you here!? Are you gonna kill me!?"

"Because I live here dumb ass and if I wanted to kill you I would've done that already..."

"Sounds legit... by the way, do you know anywhere I can buy a door?"

"A door?"

"Yes... a door..."

"Why the hell do you want to know where to buy a door?"

"It's a long story..."

"Hmm... okay, there's a store around the corner called Jim's Doors, you might want to check that out I guess."

"Thanks Le-"

"My real name is Chihiro."

"Thanks Chihiro."

"You still owe me for destroying my best friend robot..." She then put her hand out in front of me.

Uhh, what?

I then high-fived her hand, "HIGH-FIVE!"

"I DIDN'T WANT A HIGH-FIVE YOU JACK ASS!"

"What else could you want?"

"I wanted money!"

"Why would you need money?"

"Ever since you destroyed my robot it's been hard trying to find gigs, being a pop idol is hard you know..."

"I thought you were a cult leader..."

"Same thing."

I then took out Mike's wallet and took out $20, "Just have this."

She then took the money and giggled for a while, "You're joking right?"

"What?"

"The money... you're joking..."

"No..."

"You owe me a lot more than that..."

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" I then took out a dollar coin from his wallet and gave it to her.

-Twenty Minutes later-

"Hi, I heard you sell doors, may I have a look?" I asked the store owner as I entered through the door.

"Uhh... why is there a kid attached to your leg...?" The owner replied.

"I'M 17, I AM NOT A KID!" Chichiro grabbed on to my leg right after our argument trying to get Mike's wallet.

"Dude get off my leg..." I say as I try to shake Lemon off my leg.

"NEVER! YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY FIRST!"

"Should I call the police?" The store owner asked me.

Ⓒ ⓗ ⓘ ⓒ ⓗ ⓘ ⓡ ⓞ "No it's okay, I can deal with this..."

Ⓓ ⓐ ⓥ ⓘ ⓓ "No it's okay, I can deal with this..."

"I was talking to the young gentleman..." The owner then took out his phone.

"WAIT WHY ARE YOU SIDING WITH HIM!?"

"It looks like you're trying to rob him..."

"No it's fine, I can handle this myself, she's not a problem at all." I said while looking around the store.

"Uhh... okay?" He then put his phone down and walked up to me. "So what do you wanna get?"

"I WONDER WHAT HE WANTED TO GET, THIS IS LITERARY A DOOR STORE, WHAT ELSE WOULD HE COME TO THE DOOR STORE FOR YOU IDIOT!" Chichiro yelled while attached to my leg.

"Jeez, no need to be mad, I'm just a simple door salesman."

"I'll just take what ever is the cheapest..." I say as I hand over $500 from Mike's wallet to the salesman.

"You got it!"

-Two hours later-

"Hi guys, I'm back with the door!"

"NO WAY WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!?" Mike responded as he got off the couch.

"I got the door at the door store..."

"No, no, no, no!" Mike then put his arm on my shoulder. "I'm talking about the loli attached to your leg."

"I'M NOT A LOLI!" Chichiro yelled.

"I don't think you can buy people Mike..."

Mike then took out his phone and showed me a video game, "I'm pretty sure you can." He then bought a character from the in game shop and shoved it into my face. "BOOM, you're wrong, and I am right!"

Jesus Christ, Mike is such an idiot...

Kim then walked up to us and inspected Chichiro, "Hey isn't that the cultist leader Lemon from before?"

"I'm a pop idol..."

"I'll get some tools to install the door, I'll be back." Mike then took his wallet back from me and headed off.

"Hey, who was that lolicon creep?" Chichiro said as she looked up.

"He's a work friend..."