I Scored Myself A Mate

Mark had never been good with words. Especially with the kind of words that proved he was wrong, the kind of conversations that took him out of his comfort zone and all those things he believed. Some times he felt like a horse, one of those poor animals used in carriages, with their eyes covered so they were only able to look straight. Why couldn't he simply be see the bigger picture? Why wasn't he able to simply let go of his believes? He kept wondering and wondering, he had plenty of time to do that since Asmodeus had disappeared. He left, right after he told him all those things Mark had been left all alone sitting on his room, pacing and trying to talk to himself. 

It sounded very idiotic but he was trying to do that. He was standing in front of his bathroom mirror his face pale and anxious as he attempted to find the right words to say. But sadly he was stuck, like always he felt divided on what he wanted to say and what was actually what he felt. Sometimes people found themselves knowing what was the right thing, the most appropriate answer but still they were unable to phrase it, make the other person hear what they needed. The red haired had believed he was making progress, he had talked to Asmodeus many times about his fears, about his insecurities and how he didn't view him as a monster but now, at such a critical moment he had teared everything down. 

He loved him, he loved him so much and every time he would be mad at him or even the slightest bit upset the image of him beaten up in his room and him appearing and saving him from his torture would erase everything. Asmodeus had saved him, he was the first person that talked to him, saw him as an individual and him, he had done exactly the opposite. He had told him he was acting like a monster, he doubted his self-restraint.. He pushed him once again to face this horrifying pain and for that he hated himself, like he should. 

He sighed, sick of his own reflection in the shiny mirror and walked away. He knew he could trace Asmodeus through their bond, call him back but he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to force him once more into something he probably didn't like. Mark wished for him to return though. Walk through the door and simply sit there, on the bed so they could talk. But what good would talking do? Especially when Mark seemed to suck at that. Sucked at talking, sucked at expressing himself he felt as if he wasn't done with his teenage years, or maybe he hadn't found himself in such critical situations before. He was a rich spoiled young man, of course he didn't have to think what to say or wonder about what the others would feel. At that moment Mark felt horrible. 

He was spoiled, and just now he was realizing it. 

The red haired scanned the room, it felt empty. Asmodeus' big figure always made the room seem so small but now it was plainly normal. He felt like he didn't fit in there. He wanted to cry but he knew he didn't have the right to. Spoiled rich kid crying, for what exactly? Because he was wrong? Well, that would simply make the stereotype true. 

"You don't seem that well." He heard Ignis. The spirit had appeared, silent like he always did and startled him 

"I am not. I just realized that I am a horrible spoiled person who can't seem to understand many things about this world. And when I am trying to express myself I sound like an utter jerk."  Mark told him. He barely breathed during that sentence. Saying it slowly would only make him realize it more. 

"I mean…" Ignis started saying and Mark raised his arm. He knew, he was perfectly aware what the spirit was going to say. 

"I know Ignis. I know. But beyond that, I need to fix things. I have to. But I…" 

"You say you have problems talking, then don't" 

"What do you mean?" Mark asked him, staring at him as if he spoke in another language. 

"Write to him. I will take the letter. Simply tell him what you want him to know." Ignis proposed. 

"What if he thinks this is a way of avoiding things?" 

"If you're being sincere, if you truly show him what you feel. I think he will recognize it. Asmodeus, he is not all good but you need to remember that none of us are. Not even you. Now write him." Ignis said and a piece of paper and a black pen appeared in front of him.

He stared at them like they were objects from some kind of imaginary kingdom. He took the pen in his hand and ruined many pieces of paper as he wrote and smudged. He crumbled them and threw them away, sighing again and again. After a few hours he was ready. It was long, very long and he was sure in some ways he was repeating himself but at the same time this is what he felt. He folded the little letter neatly and handed it to Ignis. 

"I…it's ready," Mark told him and the demon nodded, no more words were needed, the demon disappeared and the next moment he was standing right in front of Asmodeus. He had come to the portal, resting underneath a tree close to the poisonous flowers. His eyes were closed but the moment he sensed another presence he opened them.

"What do you want?" he asked Ignis but he answer. He simply rushed towards him and threw the letter at him. Asmodeus was frozen for a second looking at him simply evaporate after throwing some paper to him but still he took it from his chest where it had landed and read it. He could immediately recognize Mark's handwriting, it was kind of shaky in a way and the letters seemed to hop in the lines. 

Dear Asmodeus. 

I am a jerk. I know it and you know it too. I am too stuck on what I believe it's right. I always was. I am spoiled and still even though I remember everything now I feel like a don't belong. I hope that one day I would be able to change that. I know that I hurt you with my words but I did not mean it. Obviously I didn't, I mean, I love you. I love you so much. The problem is that sometimes I am scared. Ever since I joined Allias in this crazy journey the lines of what is right and what is wrong seem so blurry and I am scared. Terrified that I will end up being the bad guy, not you, me. I am stuck on the guidelines of being good that I tend to forget that none of us is just good, we are so much more, so complex and me trying to categorize everyone like this shows simply how immature and childish I mean. As I've been trying to talk to you, I know that I haven't been completely good at it. It's fine as long as it doesn't involve me, that was how I thought. It's always easy talking when you're on the outside, it's easy for me to advise you when I am not involved in it but when it concerns me I get scared. Scared not only that we will end up being bad, scared that even if you were bad I wouldn't be able to get away from you. 

You asked me if I loved all of you. I love every piece of you. The dark and the light, the one that tries and the one that enjoys being crazy. I love you so much that it doesn't matter and that's what's scary. If you decided to burn the world tomorrow I would still love you and that, that is wrong and I know it but I can't fight it. That's why I am so stuck on being right. I am sorry, it is all me and I am the childish and the spoiled and I am stuck in my ways. I've said that before I know but, but yeah that's pretty much it. 

You told me that you wanted me to help you. You wanted me to help you how to be good but this time I think I should be the one that asks for your help. Asmodeus please help me get out of this loop, of being so stuck. Help me. Please. 

I am sorry and I love you. I hope that you can talk to me when you are ready. I want to change and you should know that for me, you were never a monster. You were my savior and no  matter what this will never change. 

...

Hello! I know some of the chapters may not be to your liking because they are sad and agitating but believe me this is all part of a greater plan, it is the plan of the universe and needed for character developement. Hope you enjoyed this chapter though! Back to the little elf wedding, yey. 

What color should the cake be?