I Thought I Didn’t Have Long To Live!

Chapter 75 (The departure day)

Early in the morning, I could hear the sparrows chirping through the window.

Lariette woke up and looked ahead with her eyes closed blankly. Asrahan’s face appeared.

He had his eyes closed as if he hadn’t woken up yet. A straight forehead and thick eyebrows were revealed between the disheveled bangs. Long eyelashes, a straight nose, and pretty lips followed.

In the midst of admiring his beauty, his eyelashes trembled and his eyelids rose. Soon, blue eyes met her.

“… Good morning, Asrahan.”

After sharing the same room with him, Lariette greeted him as she always did. Asrahan also answered with a soft smile as always.

“Good morning, Lariette.”

The weather was sunny, the bed was comfy, and there was Asrahan by my side.

It was the beginning of the day as usual.

I can’t believe it’s the departure day.

* * *

Everyone in the Duke of Kandel moved busily.

Halstein was busy checking and ordering everything, and the knights prepared to follow Asrahan.

The servants inspected the luggage to see if there was anything missing, and the chef packed food for them to eat while traveling.

Lariette stared blankly at all this. It looked like she was still not awake.

It felt like a dream to see people rushing around in front of me. For the Duke of Kandel had never been so busy.

I wanted to do something to help, but there was nothing Lariette could do. Asrahan was also busy with the last military inspection before the campaign, so it was difficult to be by his side.

So she returned to her room and sat down at the table.

She reflected her dazed self in the mirror placed on the table. The lack of strength in her eyes made her look dazed.

‘No no! I have to prepare well.’

Lariette slapped her cheeks with both hands. It was to calm her mind. Thanks to this, focus returned to the eyes.

Yes, I had to be well prepared. On an important day like today, I couldn’t keep my mind off of it.

I am almost ready to leave. So the ‘preparation’ she was talking about was something else.

Lariette combed her already tidy hair and combed it again. She painted her pale lips, and her cheeks were also dyed pink.

She took a deep breath to calm her mind and clear her voice. I looked in the mirror to see if the smile was awkward or not, and I smiled pretty.

She prepared to say goodbye to Asrahan like that.

Knock Knock.

After a while, someone knocked on Lariette’s door. It was Halstein.

“Lady Lariette.”

Thump, It was only the name being called, but Lariette’s heart was pounding and trembling.

Thump, Thump, Thump…

My heart plummeted to the floor and started beating like crazy. My breathing became rough, like after a bout of running. What I had just been controlling my mind was to no avail.

Because I knew what was going to happen after this.

“… Now is the time to go.”

Lariette closed her eyes tightly. Without realizing it, a tightly clenched tooth bit the inside of her lip painfully.

“The master’s preparations have been completed.”

Please come out to see him off. Halstein added in a complicated voice.

“Yes, I will.”

Lariette struggled to get up with a calm voice. I got up from my chair and my legs were wobbly. The arm resting on the table trembled.

‘It’s okay, I can do it. Let’s break up with a good look, with a good figure.’

She kept repeating ‘I can do it’ and took a step forward. In the end, her will to be remembered as a good figure moved her body.

Lariette passed the hallway and walked down the stairs. And finally, when I got to the front door and went down the stairs again, I saw the army in my sight.

The knights in iron armor formed a line and stood upright. And in the front, next to the black horse, there was a very familiar person.

It was Asrahan, the man who was lying next to her this morning and smiling at her.

“Lariette.”

When Asrahan found her, he quickly approached her and called her name. It was very unfamiliar to see him with black armor.

“Asrahan.”

Lariette showed a gentle smile as she had prepared.

It was her who stared at Asrahan’s face, which was just around the corner. I looked and looked, just in case I forgot.

“I’ve got something for you.”

Lariette smiled and rummaged through her arms. There was something I wanted to give for quite some time, but couldn’t find the timing.

“It’s a gift.”

She offered Asrahan a case made of a luxurious material.

Asrahan looked at her and the case alternately with trembling eyes, then opened the lid and checked the inside.

It was a pendant necklace made of platinum. As he carefully opened the pendant, the jewel within it shone brilliantly.

“… The colors are really beautiful.”

Asrahan said in a voice that seemed to cry at any moment.

Really, the color was so beautiful. Clear purple. It was the same color as Lariette’s eyes.

The day I bought the necklace from Jenvier, Lariette actually bought two of them. And one I put that jewel, and in the other, I put a jewel that resembled the color of Asrahan’s eyes. I wanted us to remember each other.

However, after realizing the misunderstanding between him and herself, she pondered for a long time whether or not to hand the gift.

It was because she seemed to be insulting Asrahan that she was leaving anyway.

So I decided not to give it to him, but I impulsively handed him the necklace. It was also studded with purple gems.

Seeing Asrahan’s happy face, she felt a belated sense of guilt, but she couldn’t take away what she had already given.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t prepared anything…”

Asrahan lowered his eyebrows sullenly and blamed himself for his stupidity. He regretted that he should have prepared a gift in advance.

“It is the greatest gift for Asrahan to return safely.”

Lariette said with a sad smile. Even if she couldn’t confirm his safety, even if she died and disappeared, she always hoped that he would be safe.

“You’ll do that, right?”

“Of course.”

Asrahan answered in a confident voice.

Even if they had to fight without the help of the Imperial family, it would be easy to overpower that many people.

In fact, the expression suppression was more appropriate than war. It was only called so because it was a battle between nations.

“Lariette.”

Asrahan looked down at Lariette with eyes full of mourning love. His gaze was deep, as if he was trying to engrave her figure into his eyes.

Lariette looked up at him with moist eyes as if she was about to cry. Eyes, nose, lips, hair… There wasn’t a single thing that wasn’t lovely.

Asrahan reached out and kissed her cheek softly. He had been patient and patient because she had been ill for a while, but today, he could not stand it at all.

Their lips touched very slowly.

Lariette’s eyes widened at the sudden kiss, but she also closed her eyes.

Their lips overlapped and their breaths mixed. Perhaps because it was the first kiss after realizing his sincerity, the touch was so sweet and sad.

The tears that Lariette had been holding back burst out and flowed down her cheeks. I prayed in vain that this moment will not end forever.

After a while, the lips fell off.

They parted their lips and looked at each other in front of their noses without keeping their faces away for a moment. The image of a lover in love was put in two pairs of eyes.

“I will… I will leave now.”

Asrahan whispered in a low voice, wiping the tear stains from her cheeks with his thumb.

Lariette couldn’t bear to open her mouth and nodded. It was because a crying voice seemed to leak out of her throat.

“I will see you again soon. My… Lariette.”

Asrahan turned around slowly after saying goodbye. It was possible because he didn’t think it was the last time.

“Let’s go!”

“Yes!!”

Soon after, he got on the horse and ordered them to depart. The soldiers who answered politely followed him.

Asrahan’s back was getting farther and farther away.

A long time later, even after he completely disappeared from view, Lariette remained there without a sign of moving.

Halstein, unable to see her pitiful appearance, led her into the mansion.

“Lady, just go in and rest.”

“Ah… yes.”

Lariette nodded her head and walked away blankly. I went up the stairs, up the stairs, and through the hallway back to the room. It was Asrahan’s room that now felt like my own room.

‘Okay, well done. You did a good job because you only shed one tear.’

Lariette sat down at the table and tried to control her mind again. I failed to not cry at all, but it seemed to be good enough that we parted with a good image.

‘Let’s do what we have to do without thinking about anything else.’

There was one last thing left to do before we left.

That was to write a letter to Asrahan. So that he can confirm when he has returned, so that he can forget her smoothly.

I couldn’t leave without a word. If that were the case, I’m sure Asrahan would try to find out her whereabouts even if he had to search the whole country. Then it would be quicker to figure out my death.

To avoid this situation, a letter with appropriate content was needed.

Here, ‘appropriate content’ meant something appropriate to break his heart.

I can’t reveal the real reason why I’m leaving, so I’d rather be a bad bitch.

It was a hundred times better to let him live in hatred of her than to break him with my death.

<To Asrahan>

Lariette put the new, stiff paper on the table and slowly wrote it down. Strangely, more strength entered the hand holding the pen than usual.

<It’s been a lot of fun. Thanks to you, the contract period of 3 months went by like crazy.>

Memories with him flashed through her mind regardless of her will. All of them were happy memories.

<Now that the contract period is over, I am going to leave. I’m slowly getting tired of it. Now that I’ve met a type like Asrahan, I want to meet another type.>

It couldn’t have been boring. Everything I did with him was fun and precious. It was so good that I wanted to be here forever.

<Especially, it was a little burdensome to say that I love you during a contract relationship.>

The word “I love you” was the first she had ever heard in her life.

It was the first time I knew how such a short word could be so heartbreaking and how sad it could make me die.

It was something that could not be expressed as ‘a burdensome’. It’s a thrilling, happy, yet miserable feeling.

<Don’t even think about looking for me. I’m going to leave very far away, and I’d be offended if I met you there. Let’s not get dirty for nothing, let’s end it cleanly.>

The harsh words towards Asrahan turned into great thorns and pierced Lariette.

It felt like my heart was being ripped to pieces. My head was dizzy and my breathing was rough.

Drip.

The writing spread with the sound of something falling.

Drip. Drip.

Drops of water continued to fall without stopping soaking the letter. It was Lariette’s tears.

“Hic…”

A shrill moan blew out, scratching her neck.

“Uh-huh…!”

Lariette clenched her fists and pounded her chest. My heart was so heavy that it was indescribable. My stomach felt like it was going to burst.

“I want to live, I want to live.”

The sincerity that was hidden most deeply came out with tears. She hid it and hid it because it would only make it worse if she spit it out through her mouth.

“I want to live…!”

I want to live, I want to live so much I want to live and live happily with Asrahan.

Lariette prayed and prayed over and over again to those who did not know whether it was a god or something. Tears flowed nonstop as if a dam had burst.

“Uh, uh, uh…!”

She howled like a beast and continued to beat her in the chest.

The weather was sunny and the cushions on the chair were cozy, but there was no one by her side.

That alone was a very different day than usual.

Every time I wrote, tears flowed, and Lariette had to rewrite the letter five times.

And that night.

When she finally completed the letter, she placed it on the table, along with a note to Halstein. It was a note that said, ‘If you send it to Asrahan during the war, it can be troublesome, so please deliver it when he comes back’.

Lariette stood in the middle of Asrahan’s room and looked around carefully. Finally, as if recalling the memories with him.

Soon after, she used stealth to hide herself.

And Lariette left Asrahan and Kandel’s mansion.