I Was a Substitute

Chapter 3 Part 1. You Killed Me

 

***

 

My father said he would be back soon, but he didn’t come back even though the party had started. So the party, which was not attended by the host himself, ended up being a bit of an anticlimax. Many people criticised Duke Tiodurop for his arrogance bynot treating his guests properly, and I was given the added stigma of being Tiodurop’s unrecognised heir. But I didn’t want to be accused of that. I had suffered enough even without such accusations.

 

I curled up on the bed and buried my face between my knees.

 

‘What should I do now?’

 

I had cried a lot, denied the reality of my life and even at times had some bad thoughts. I didn’t have a clear goal to be unconditionally grateful for the life I had been given. I had lived all my life as the Young Miss of Tiodurop. There was no room for any other life. My only goal was to be the perfect Miss, to live up to my father’s expectations. Now, I couldn’t think of any other goal that I wanted to have.

 

But I was sure of one thing. I didn’t want to die like that again. I’d rather take my own life now than die like that. I put my hands together in prayer and closed my eyes. The only thing that hurt me more than the poison that dried my blood was the coldness of the people around me. The people I had always thought to be on my side abused me, and each time they abused me I withered away. It was not the poison that killed me, but the betrayal from those whomI believed in.

 

‘Whatever happens, I will never die like that again. I’d rather be the one who throws them away first.’

 

I clenched my teeth and swallowed my tears at the memory of a nightmare.

 

I was at a loss as to what kind of life I would have to live, but I knew that if I stayed put, I would only repeat the tragedy of that day. If I were to live, I had to leave and make a place for myself with my own hands.

 

****

 

As soon as I pulled myself together, I moved quickly.

 

Even though I already knew that Charlotte was in the mansion, I deliberately chose not to bother her. It was only after my father had introduced her to me that Charlotte began to secure the mansion in earnest. There was some time left before that. I had to find a way to survive in the time I was left with. In order to get out of here, I had to find someone who could be my ally.

 

Flicking through a book containing the lists of the nobility of the Empire, I selected the candidates who fitted my criteria. I was tempted to walk away. But Charlotte had an unusually deep malice towards me. If she were to take control of the Duchy of Tiodurop, she would surely try to kill me again. For my safety, I needed a force that could compete with Tiodurop without being influenced by her.

 

As expected, there weren’t many candidates. I smiled bitterly and skippedthe remaining pages. I even brought out the “nobility list”, but the candidates that attracted my attention were not much different from the ones I had thought of beforehand. In the first place, there were only a limited number of families that could stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the Duke of Tiodurop. Apart from the Imperial family, all four families located on the periphery could be selected as candidates.

 

Orujenta in the south, Palashion in the west, Rigtae in the east and Mona Chareuteu in the north. I crossed my fingers and drew back my chin. From generation to generation, the Persian Empire had sent the best of the four lords who shared in the founding of the Empire to the center to become emperor. But as time went on, and the Palashion grew larger and larger, the four frontier families began to be marginalised, and each time the emperor was ejected from the Palashion, the central Palashion became what was now the imperial family. So, although they were all included in the same name, the Empire, there was a complex power structure involved. It was a tense war of nerves between the four marginalised frontier families, who had begun to build their own power in their territories in opposition to the central phylum, and the imperial family, which was determined not to lose power to them.

 

If I had a connection with a frontier family, I could leave the Tiodurop family and still be well protected.

 

‘Who should I choose?’

 

Honestly, it was the present reputation, and the situation was best in Orujenta. For it was Orujenta, with its fertile soil and mild climate, that was second in power only to the central emperor. But the next emperor was none other than Archduke Mona Chareuteu. Of the four great families, the Mona Chareuteu were the most inferior. The warriors of the north were brave in the cold, but the land, covered with snow and ice, was incapable of growing any fruit. After the integration of the different ethnic groups, even their imperial bloodlines were questioned, and they were effectively labeled as “the four great families in name only”.

 

It was practically a miracle that the ruler of that family became the emperor of the empire. I knew that siding with the future emperor would be advantageous for my survival, but… Despite knowing the future, I could not make a decision quickly enough. I had never seen Archduke Mona Chareuteu in person, but I had heard some bad things about him.

 

‘From a savage who chews up demons and eats them, to bloodsucking slaughter-ears, to an ugly man never to be seen again, there was something else.’

 

The rumors about the Northerners had never been good, but the rumors about Archduke Mona Chareuteu were always worse. Still, I didn’t have much of a choice. It was not difficult to select a useful group of candidates, but how to win them over was the great problem. The candidate to be counted as a bride in the capital was the Young Miss of the Duke of Tiodurop, and not me. With the name of the Young Miss gone, I was worthless. It was hard to persuade anyone if I could not produce something tempting. And one of the most persuasive opponents was the Archduke Duke of Mona Chareuteu.

I knew the future of Archduke Mona Chareuteu.

 

‘If I could in any way help him to the throne, I would have his patronage. But ……. ‘

 

Rumors grew, but the only rumors I ever heard about Archduke Mona Chareuteu were about his malicious nature, so I was worried. Above all, I had never heard a good word about the Northerners before. It was almost a gamble to approach him. Nevertheless, it was the best thing to do. I clenched my fist with determination in my eyes.

 

It was a day after I had organized all my plans that my father called for me. I looked at the tightly closed door of his office, hoping that everything would go smoothly. My father’s office, which had been more comfortable than my own, was now more uncomfortable than anywhere else.

 

“You wanted to see me, father?”

 

“Oh, you’ve come, Charlotte.”

 

My father saw me and left his seat.

 

I sat down on the sofa opposite my father.

 

“It’s been a long time. How have you been?”

 

He knew I hadn’t been well, but he asked me as if nothing had happened. I didn’t know what to say. I did not want to say that I was flattered.

 

“I have called you here today because I have something to say to you…”

 

“What is it, father?”

 

I already knew what he was going to say, but I deliberately pretended not to know. My father did not hide his distress and took a moment to catch his breath. He should have apologised for the party he had ruined, but he didn’t seem to think about it.

 

All that mattered to him now was to notify me that the real Charlotte was back and to solidify her position.

 

“That’s…….”

 

“What are you trying to say, father?”

 

I repeated what I had said before, and felt like I was reading a set script. I wanted everything to be over as soon as possible.

 

“….”

 

“Is something indescribable?”

 

My father wrinkled his brows and avoided looking at me.

 

“Father,” I urged, and he hesitated for a moment, but then opened his tightly closed mouth. “Actually, you are not my daughter, Charlotte.”

 

“I’m not your daughter. What are you talking about?”

 

“After Charlotte went missing, Clara was very sick. So I decided to give her a girl about our daughter’s age, to help her heal. That’s you, Charlotte.”

 

I clenched my fist as I saw my father frowning painfully. In the past, I had been so busy trying to understand my father’s feelings that I had lost sight of mine. ‘I will do what my father wants unconditionally.’ That was what I only had in mind and wept with him. But now I know a little more. I was devastated.

 

“Does this mean that I am not the real Charlotte?”

 

I tried to suppress my sadness and look at my father. I thought I was about to burst into tears, but I couldn’t tell if it was sadness or anger.

 

My father wanted me to be his successor too, even though it would have ended my life…

 

“I thought that if Phaethon married you, there would be no big problem. Because Phaethon is my nephew, and the Tiodurop bloodline will continue …”

 

‘You have deceived me,’ I thought. I couldn’t bear to look at him and nodded helplessly. Even though it was the second time he had told me the story, his confession still shocked me.

 

“I actually thought that Charlotte was dead. It was difficult to accept, but everyone and all the evidence was telling me that she was dead.”

 

“Then, why did you make me Charlotte?”

 

“Your mother was quite ill. As sick as she was, she could not accept the reality that Charlotte was dead. In the end I had to make a choice. Even if it was a lie, I had to make her laugh. “

 

“….”

 

“After Clara’s death, I thought I’d have to end the whole play. But unlike what I expected, you were so lovely. As if the real Charlotte had come back, so I raised you as Charlotte.”

 

My father looked at me with tears in his eyes.

 

“After all, I was a substitute for Charlotte, wasn’t I?”

 

“Don’t say it like that. Just because I did it wrong doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I know it disturbs you, but I assure you, even if there is no blood relation between us, you are my daughter. I love you and I mean it.”

 

‘Then, why did you abandon me?’ I swallowed my words in silence. Even though I remembered everything my father had done to me, I could not make up my mind easily. There had been too many happy days for me to hate him outright.

 

“I did not mean any harm by deceiving you. I just thought you didn’t have to know, for you have no memory of your childhood, and you have lived your whole life as the Young Miss of Tiodurop. I thought if I kept the secret, everyone would be happy.”

 

“Then why are you telling me this now?”

 

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“She returned. Charlotte Blanc Tiodurop. My daughter.”

 

My father covered his face with his hands and drew a long breath.