I Will Disappear, Grand Duke

"Now you have one more reason to divorce me.”

The past which she wanted to forget came back to her at Fernan’s question, and Julia said with a tired voice.

Fernan’s forehead wrinkled gently as he stared at Julia, who was mumbling in resignation.

Julia did not give in and continued.

"My origin will be a legitimate reason for divorce. Your Highness deserves huge compensation from my family."

A deep sense of emptiness washed over her face.

She didn't want him to find out that she was illegitimate. Because she was afraid that he would reject her even more.

But it was meaningless to worry now. No, it might be a good thing.

A woman who secured the position of the Grand Princess while hiding her status. That noble man would never accept that.

It was natural that he had never wanted her as his wife from the beginning.

"So, if you decide to divorce me again, I will accept it without complaint."

Fernan’s face was stained with twisted emotions as he watched Julia continue talking about divorce.

Julia lowered her gaze, not noticing Fernan’s expression.

Seeing no response from Fernan, Julia looked up and met his gaze. Her shoulders shook slightly.

The way he looked at her was a little different than usual. His eyes were always calm and cold, but now there was something boiling in them.

"If you get a divorce.”

"…"

"Where would you go?"

Unlike his intense gaze, Julia had a hard time answering the question, which he asked with a calm voice.

Because she hadn't yet planned where she would go, how she would live, or anything like that.

"That…"

When Julia slurred her words, Fernan approached her.

“Your identity is discovered and if you return to your family, is there any guarantee that you will be better than you are now?"

Fernan suddenly reached out and brushed Julia's cheek.

Startled by the suddenness of the encounter, Julia's eyes fluttered.

Meanwhile, his passing hand gently touched a strand of her disheveled silver hair.

The touch was light. But the voice that flowed out was increasingly hot and obsessive.

“Even if it's the same hell, you might start to wish you were by my side."

At that, Julia's gaze began to shake aimlessly.

Hell… while she chewed on his words, the hand that had been circling her hair came down to her frail jawline. 

“You're not getting a divorce.”

Gazing at her trembling lips, Fernan put more pressure on the hand that was holding her chin.

“So stay here and pay the price for daring to deceive me.”

With her chin slightly lifted, Julia stared at him. Veins on her neck started pulsating.

The sound seemed to be heard in her ears.

His eyes, flickering like fire, held a strange emotion that Julia couldn't quite measure.

Julia bit her lip and moved her chin.

He told her to stay here quietly, even in hell.

To pay the price for deceiving him….

Looking back at his words, Julia murmured in a faint voice.

"Why on earth are you doing this?"

She was finally ready to move on, but this man blocked her way so easily like this.

Julia put a little more force into her gentle voice.

"You said you didn’t like me and I bother you.”

Even with her clear voice, there was no reply from Fernan.

He just looked at her for a long time in silence.

Eventually, Fernan stroked her cheek once more with his hand.

“Didn't you tell me you liked me?"

The words sank her heart, which was barely holding on.

“Then don't ask me why and stay quietly by my side.”

His low voice kept entering her ears as the distance grew closer and closer.

“If it's love you want, there's nothing I can't give you."

His long fingers slowly stroked her lower lip. Julia held her breath involuntarily as the hot touch made her body jittery.

Lifting her disordered gaze, she saw a faint heat in his eyes that she had never seen before.

It was the kind of heat that didn't quite fit this situation.

Eventually, he lowered his head deeply and stared at her, their distance was now too close.

Julia, who came to her senses belatedly, 

regained consciousness, faltered and tried to turn her face, but the hand grasping her cheek forced her to fix her face on his.

Then their eyes met again.

“Let me go…"

Julia tried to push him away with a faint voice, but he just lowered his lips. Her body froze as it was.

The rest of her words were swallowed completely by the colliding lips.

Julia felt the unfamiliar touch of his lips, unable to grasp the situation.

‘What is this…'

The feeling of his hard tongue parting her lips without time to push it out continued.

Julia flinched and tried to turn her head away, but was quickly stopped by a firm hand grabbing her chin.

Julia froze, unable to even close her eyes, as the hot sensation raked through her mouth.

The sound of saliva sloshing in her mouth was accompanied by the sound of her breathing getting heavier and heavier.

Julia's neck began to tremble. Fernan’s lips peeled back slightly, as if he was giving her time to breathe. It was only then that she finally gasped for air. 

But the lips that eventually collided with hers made her choke again. She pushed his chest away with all her might, but his hard body did not budge.

Her legs lost their strength. The arms around her waist supported her wobbling body firmly. 

Through her increasingly fuzzy and wet vision, she could see Fernan’s face, which was a different temperature than usual. Julia flinched and grabbed his neck tightly. 

As she did so, she felt her body flutter upwards. Their lips didn't even part at that moment.

Before she knew it, her back was touching a soft spot. She didn't need to check to know that she was on a bed. The kissing, which had been going on for a while, finally stopped. 

They were closer than ever, and she could feel their hot breaths. Suddenly, the ribbons tied behind her back were untied at once by his hands. The cold air touched her exposed shoulders.

Julia gasped for breath and pushed on his shoulders when her dress was halfway down.

"…That’s enough."

This man, who had refused to do so even on their wedding night, was now revealing a fervor she could not understand. She didn't know what to make of this sudden act. 

The love that he said he would give her… Is it just an act of mixing their bodies like this?

Julia covered her mouth with one hand, and pushed his chest away with the other.

At this moment, she was sure of one thing.

Her feelings and opinions were of no value to him. He was never going to respect her.

Biting her lips tightly, Julia held back the tears that were threatening to drop. Even so, the water that gradually came out began to moisten her eyes. 

Fernan stared down at Julia. Like a person who came to his senses late. Having said nothing for a long time, he soon lowered his hand and touched her eyelids.

It couldn't be, but his touch was gentle as if he was touching something precious. The hand that was wiping away all of her endless tears eventually fell away. 

At the same time, the shadow surrounding her gradually lifted. A bulky blanket was placed on her body. 

"…"

Fernan got up from the bed silently, turned away and crossed the room.

Julia closed her eyes with the sound of the door closing. 

Only the vibration of her heart beating violently echoed through the room. Her heart seemed to collapse.

***

After that day, Fernan increased the number of knights he had stationed around Julia. 

It was obvious that it was not only for the apparent reason of guarding her, but also for the purpose of surveillance.

It was as if he expected Julia to run away.

"Your Grace, it’s Melissa. May I come in?"

Julia, who was sitting on the bed, did not respond to the voice calling her outside.

She just buried her head more deeply into her knees.

She stared only at her feet through the far distance of her vision.

Her disheveled hair blocked her view, but she didn't feel like she needed to fix it.

Fernan no longer visited her. He just seemed to be getting reports on how she was doing.

Julia didn't bother to leave the bedroom either.

She used to lock herself in the bedroom all day and sat still like this.

“If I divorce you, where will you go?”

As she buried her head in her knees, Fernan’s voice suddenly appeared in her vacant mind.

“Even if it's the same hell, you might start to wish that you're better by my side.”

The voice that had led to the dryness of just laying out certain facts cut into Julia's heart with ease.

He was right. If she divorced him when her identity was discovered, she would never be safe.

Perhaps she would really prefer to stay here as the apparent Grand Duchess.

Julia gingerly touched her lips, which were still swollen.

The damp air seemed to choke her again, as it had that day.

She still had no idea what Fernan’s reason was for not divorcing her.

He certainly didn't like her. He even said she bothered him.

‘There must be a reason for him to want to keep this marriage…’

 Julia concluded after being lost in her thoughts for a while.

For the sake of something to be gained by maintaining this marriage, he kissed her, whom he hated with all his heart.

There was no need to get hurt now. The man had always been cruel to her, and had never shown her any respect.

But no matter how hard she tried to be calm, there was no way to soothe this miserable heart that had hit rock bottom.