I'd Give Up The World For You

"What are you talking about? You can still be yourself!" Rukelion insisted. 

Daisy shook her head vehemently. "No I can't. Because in my own house I'd be able to bake while singing to myself and not having a dozen servants breathing down my neck asking if I need help.

"I'd be able to wear my pajamas and walk around when I'm too lazy to get dressed, go to the market by myself, and visit my friends without things being so stilted. I can't be myself under these conditions. I'm not like you—I didn't grow up in a castle! I never even lived in the same house for more than two years before the farm!

"I've gotten used to a lot of different difficult situations over the years but this one takes the cake. I doubt I'll ever get used to it. And what about when the baby comes? Am I even going to be able to raise our child in peace or will people be following me everywhere I go then too?"

"The servants are still bothering you? Because I can get rid of them," Rukelion said seriously. "I can get rid of anyone if it would make you happy."

Daisy was horrified by how little he cared about these people's well-beings. It wasn't the first time he had suggested going on a firing spree either. She had fought for the jobs of the head maid and head chef back when they were giving her a harder time than they were currently. 

"That isn't the point!" 

"Then what is? I can't stand the thought of you being miserable because of me, Daisy. Tell me what I need to do and I'll do it," he said with desperation tinting his tone.

Unable to formulate her raging thoughts into words, she let out a groan of frustration and slumped forward to bury her face in his shoulder. That didn't do anything but exacerbate his panic. 

"Daisy? Daisy!" 

"I need things to be normal!" she burst out. "All I've ever wanted is a peaceful life and this is as far from peaceful as possible!" 

Rukelion sighed and his hold on her tightened. His voice was hard as he replied. "I'll fix this. Things will be normal soon. Just be patient a little while longer, alright? I'm going to get this all taken care of."

Daisy couldn't believe that was true with the way things had been. She didn't want to fight any more though. She was exhausted and all out of tears. This conversation was going in circles and she didn't know what she was supposed to feel at this point. 

Her husband loved her. That much was obvious. But she hadn't been enough for him, like she hadn't been enough for anyone. 

Juliet was wrong about a lot of things but she had been telling the truth about revenge consuming his heart. If it hadn't, he wouldn't have left her for so many years and made both of them miserable in the process. 

The few times he had talked about accomplishing his goal over the years he mentioned that he wanted to be with her when it was all over. It was now but they weren't truly together. Not the way she had grown used to. Even that had been incomplete since he hadn't trusted her enough to tell her about anything before she came home and discovered he had become the king out of nowhere. 

Daisy knew it wasn't fair to be thinking like this. Everyone had goals and things that mattered to them. Rukelion's goal to reform this country after it destroyed his was perfectly justified. 

But she had given up the farm for him. She hadn't even been in love with him back then but she would have followed him anywhere after so many years of being lonely. 

He wouldn't do the same for her. He claimed he didn't expect her to change her lifestyle for him but she already had. Her life was twisted beyond recognition at this point because of his goals. She had never been a priority for anyone but she truly thought he was different before all of this happened. 

She was used to not being wanted. Used to not having anyone care about what happened to her. Used to being left behind. That was what she had experienced her whole life and had come to expect. 

Rukelion had been different…or so she thought. Now she wasn't so sure. 

He definitely needed her but he had needed his revenge too. Was there room for both of them in his heart? Or would his need to make up for what he had lost overpower his need to be with her? What would she do then? 

Daisy had thought she was out of tears but they began flowing again at the uncertainty. She hated not knowing what her future held. It reminded her far too much of days she would rather forget from her childhood. Was it so much to ask for something in her life to be consistent for once? 

=== 

When one of the people Rukelion had watching Daisy reported that she was crying he immediately abandoned what he was doing to make sure she was alright. She was such a cheerful person that in all the years he had known her he had only seen her cry two or three times and one of those had been out of relief. 

If she was crying something was seriously wrong. And if something was wrong he had to fix it. 

However…after listening to her complaints he wasn't sure how to fix this particular problem. She didn't seem to want anyone to get fired but she also wanted things to be the way they were before. How was he supposed to do that without firing anyone? 

One of her main issues was with the servants but she also seemed upset that she didn't get to spend as much time with him anymore. What was he supposed to do? He had a country to run!

A messed up country that required an awful lot of work. Turning Mirea into a nation like Katalya would be no small feat. 

Rukelion had to deal with nobles, former royal advisors, the military, and more. He was at the top of the chain of command and that meant everyone wanted a piece of him. Including his wife, to the point that she had been brought to tears. 

He hated that. He hated that Daisy was upset because of him. That wasn't supposed to happen! Becoming queen was supposed to make things better for her not worse. There had to be a way to fix this…but how? 

He had tried eating his meals with her as much as possible but that didn't always work out with their differing schedules. He often ate breakfast or lunch in his office whenever he could spare a few minutes. He did see her on and off throughout the day but supposed it wasn't enough as she was dealing with so many life changes. 

Obviously, Rukelion wanted to spend more time with her. But he did have things to do and it was difficult to work around that. 

Normal…how could he make things more normal? He didn't necessarily have to get rid of the servants but he could potentially restrict where they could be at certain times. Like banishing everyone temporarily from the kitchens when Daisy wanted to bake. Or even having a separate, small kitchen created for her. That might be more effective. 

He couldn't let her go outside unaccompanied—especially in her current condition—but it wouldn't take much convincing for Elaine Conrad to come over more often to keep her occupied like she used to back in their old house. That would be something anyway. 

The most difficult potential problem to address was that of making more time for her like how things used to be. He didn't have the sort of time he used to anymore!

Rukelion supposed he could try to do some of his paperwork in the middle of the night after Daisy was asleep. It wouldn't be much different than when he was fighting mock battles in the Zelish War during the day and meeting with the clan leaders at night. Though that had been an experience he had never wanted to repeat. 

A large part of it was that he was in a bad mood from being sleep deprived and kept away from his wife right after she agreed to give him a chance romantically. That wouldn't be an issue now since he would be seeing her more and knew she loved him. 

He could make this work. He knew this had been hard on her but hadn't realized exactly how much since she hadn't said anything about it recently. Knowing her, she probably hadn't wanted to waste what little time they had together on complaints. A twinge of guilt ran through him. 

Daisy really needed to be better about telling him things! She always bore things in silence and this time her emotions seemed to have boiled over like an unwatched pot.