I'd Give Up The World For You

Rukelion's fears came to pass two days after they finished harvesting the peas. The Silver Wolves, Golden Eagles, and Black Dragons were being sent off to help with several other mid-level squads to fight in the war with Zel. And he was staying behind.

"I'll be fine, May! Don't worry about me," Conrad tried reassuring him to no avail.

"No, you won't! The last time you went against a mage you nearly died. The only reason you didn't was because I intervened but I won't be there this time. What am I supposed to do if you all die?" he demanded.

"Aww, you really do love us!"

"Conrad."

"I know, I know. I get that you're worried about all of our hard work going down the drain but everyone is a second-rank soldier or above. We're all perfectly capable of handling ourselves, especially with the additional years of training under your leadership.

"We'll never be as strong as you but we're closer than we were back in Aveleen. So don't worry about us, okay? I give you my word as your lieutenant that all of us will make it back in one piece," Conrad said seriously.

Rukelion's lips twitched. "You aren't my lieutenant anymore."

"I'll always be your lieutenant in spirit."

He sighed. "You better not break your word. If you do I'll find a way to haunt you."

"…wouldn't I be more likely to haunt you since I'd be the one who was dead?" Conrad asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't talk like that!"

Rukelion didn't want to think about being haunted by anyone. He had killed so many people and seen so many more die before his eyes. If he started thinking about ghosts now it would never stop. He shouldn't have said anything in the first place.

Conrad seemed to realize what he had said and immediately turned white. "Hey…I'm sorry, May. I didn't mean that."

He exhaled heavily. "It's fine. Just…don't talk about dying or haunting me anymore. I hate feeling this useless. If I could, I'd go with all of you in a heartbeat to keep you safe. I can handle anything a wind mage throws at me."

"Obviously. You're the strongest member of the Mirean Royal Army even if the higher-ups won't admit it. But we'll be fine. We know how to fight against mages now. You specifically ran us through all of that training, remember? We'll be back before you know it."

Rukelion had developed a training regimen meant to fight against different types of magic. Primarily it involved dodging projectiles and being able to stand their ground against heavy force.

He couldn't out himself by using fireballs but everyone became much nimbler after that. Nimbler and stronger. They should be able to handle the wind mages but he was still worried. If he lost any of his chess pieces it would be back to square one.

Well, not completely. He still had his rank but majors hardly ever made it into the castle. On the off chance he was allowed in to gather intel he wouldn't have anyone to help him storm the place later.

Doing it on his own might be feasible but would cause too much collateral damage. Plus it would be much more difficult.

Rukelion's primary target was the king and he already knew that monster was a formidable foe. Using up his energy before he even got to the most powerful opponent wasn't a wise battle strategy. He could lose that way.

Losing wasn't an option. Before meeting Daisy he might have been willing to take the king out with him but he needed to live for her. He wanted to help people like Conrad too who were burdened under the king's questionable "leadership." He couldn't do any of that if he was dead.

He continued stewing in all of this long after Conrad left his office to make preparations to leave. They were heading out at first light so he probably wouldn't see them again before they went.

Rukelion struggled to focus on his paperwork and when he was finally done for the day he went to the barracks and growled, "You all better survive or I'll find a way to bring you back to life and kill you myself."

Oddly, they seemed to take this as a pep talk. "Yes, sir, Major May!" they all chorused, suddenly in much better spirits. The tension in the room had been broken.

He left after one more meaningful nod between him and Conrad feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. If those idiots got themselves killed before they were even able to properly make themselves useful…

Rukelion made it back to the house in a very poor mood. Daisy, who was kneading bread, sensed this instantly and stopped what she was doing to hug him.

She mumbled into his chest in concern. "Hey, are you alright?"

"No. All of my men get sent to Zel in the morning and I'm not going with them," he growled in frustration.

"Oh. Is it because of your rank? You did say you mostly do deskwork these days. Why are you so upset about not going with them though? I…um…I sort of thought you didn't want to go to battle again."

Rukelion wasn't sure where she got that impression. He had hoped not to get involved in destroying any innocent countries but he never mentioned anything to her about it. At the same time, he didn't want the idiots whose help he unfortunately needed to die either so they would be better off if he was there.

He wasn't sure how to explain all of this to Daisy without letting her in on the fact that he was trying to tear this country apart from the inside. He needed a moment to think.

"I don't," he told her honestly. "I think countries are supposed to do their own thing and leave others in peace. But I'd rather be there with them so they don't get themselves killed. I can protect them if I'm there but if I'm not I can't do anything."

She frowned. "…if you really believe that, why did you join the military?"

Of course she had to ask the question he absolutely could not answer. She was under the impression he wanted fame and glory so he was going to have to roll with that.

"Sometimes people have to do things they don't agree with in order to accomplish their goals. As much as I might hate it, right now this is where I need to be. Can you understand that much?" Rukelion asked.

Daisy looked up at him with concern clouding her bright green eyes. "I suppose so. But Leo…is this going to make you happy in the end? I know you have your goals but what do you really want out of life? Will doing something that goes against what you believe help you get that in the end?"

"Yes."

He answered without hesitation. His life had been forfeit since the day Katalya fell. As the only surviving member of the royal family it was his sworn duty to avenge it. Anything he did with himself after that was secondary.

He hadn't even wanted to live past that alone and miserable until he found something to worth staying for. He had been prepared to sell his soul, become a monster, do whatever it took to accomplish his revenge and already had…but he hadn't anticipated finding someone whose opinion he valued in the process.

His wife sighed and hugged him more tightly. "Okay. I'll support you whatever you decide to do but I don't want this to destroy you from the inside out."

That wouldn't be possible as long as she still cared about him. As long as he had her love, nothing else truly mattered. Of course, he didn't want to stoop to his enemy's level but sometimes you had to fight fire with fire. He might not have any other choice.

Rukelion had already condemned another country to a terrible fate because of what he did to the crown prince even if it had been unintentional. He was going to have to find a way to live with that but he didn't want to do anything worse to innocent bystanders. Mirea was the problem and other people shouldn't get hurt in the process.

"I'll be fine as long as I have you to come home to," he confessed. "Anything going on at work can be locked away when I'm with you."

"You have a good heart, Leo. Don't lose it," Daisy said seriously as she reached up to pat his face before going back into the kitchen and washing her hands to resume kneading.

Ha. Whatever goodness might have originally been in him had long since been snuffed out. He wasn't much different than the evil he was trying to eradicate and was self-aware enough to realize that. His heart had been lost long ago.

If she knew that…would she really still be able to support him? Rukelion never wanted to test that theory.. She would find out about the coup eventually but he fervently hoped she never discovered the details about who he had killed on his path to overthrow a tyrant.