I'd Give Up The World For You

Rukelion sat in his office listening to Conrad blather, tapping his fingers on the desk impatiently counting the minutes until he could go home. His day off was tomorrow and he was planning on using it to help Daisy do some late winter/early spring planting.

They weren't even planning anything right now. There was no purpose for Conrad talking Rukelion's ear off.

He honestly could not care less what sort of sweets Elaine Fairweather liked or what her favorite color was or how many siblings she had. He had learned far more about this woman he had never met in the past few days than he ever wanted to.

"…and she's from a farming town about a week east of here but came to the capital looking for a way to provide for her family. I understand exactly what that's like and our hometowns are only a few hours away from each other…" Conrad continued.

Rukelion barely managed to bite back an impatient sigh. He should have known this mission would be a bad idea. His men were all far too sappy.

Conrad burdened him the most since they saw each other every day but apparently Poole, Ermes, Dudley, Randall, and Hillis were also talking everyone else's ears off about their new sweethearts who worked in the castle. He was incredibly grateful he didn't have to listen to that too.

They had only mentioned it to him in passing as if he actually cared. It was their way of letting him know they were trying to extract information but he didn't need extraneous details. Which they were usually happy to offer in extensive detail like Conrad.

"If you like her so much, why don't you marry her?" Rukelion snapped irritably after several more minutes of this torment.

Conrad looked at him with a frown. "Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?"

That wasn't the problem at all. The problem was all of this love talk while his relationship with Daisy had not progressed one bit in over a month. He didn't want to push her but he was slowly losing his mind wondering if she would ever love him back.

"No," he said curtly.

"Okay then. This isn't like you…or I suppose it is but multiplied by ten," Conrad mused. "Anyway, I haven't exactly had a chance to ask about secret passages or perhaps a map of the castle yet. She doesn't like talking about her work."

Rukelion huffed. "I know all of the other things she likes talking about though because you've spent the past several days telling me!"

"Do you not want me to tell you?"

"Of course not! If it isn't part of the mission—"

"Some best friend you are. Veronica must have been mistaken," Conrad said with a shake of his head. "Talking to your closest friends about your sweetheart is a normal thing, May. Everyone does it. Even you, when pushed."

His jaw dropped. "What did she say?!"

"She said I'm your best friend but I didn't think it was true either. I get it. You don't have time to worry about things like that right now. But even if I'm not your friend it doesn't change the fact that you're mine."

"Conrad…"

"Forget it. I'll quit bothering you now."

Rukelion suddenly felt guilty. He hadn't thought of Conrad as a friend all this time; he had thought of him as a pawn. Listening to him talk about his lady love wouldn't have set him off like this if not for what was going on. He could have at least pretended to be a good friend if he wasn't so bothered by his lack of progress with Daisy.

"Wait! It's not your fault. Something else has me in a bad mood," he confessed.

Conrad immediately perked up and sat on the edge of the desk. "What is it? Are you actually going to tell me like you trust me?"

"You do realize I trust you more than anyone else, right?"

"Yeah but that's different. You never tell me anything that isn't related to work. What's going on? Did you and Veronica get in a fight or something? Is that why you don't want to hear about lovey dovey stuff?"

This gossipy soul! He wasn't exactly right but he wasn't exactly wrong either. "Or something."

"You have to be more specific than that," Conrad pointed out.

Rukelion sighed and wrote it out. 'Veronica and I aren't in a traditional marriage. She married me so she could stay with me without people talking. Our engagement was fake the whole time to get people to leave her alone while I was gone since I couldn't be an in-person deterrent.

'She thinks of me as a little brother but agreed to try and make our marriage real. It isn't going anywhere and as much as I love spending time with her it's making me lose my mind at the same time. Do you understand now?'

Conrad gaped at him. "Are you serious?!"

"Why would I joke about that?"

"But you're so—you—"

"Yes," Rukelion said wryly. "That's the real kicker. I know I'm the most important person to her by a long shot but it isn't the same."

"And here we all thought you two were the perfect couple," Conrad said in disbelief. "Wow, that's terrible. I'm so sorry, May. What are you going to do about it?"

"What can I do? I have to go her pace so I don't upset her. That's the last thing I would ever do because she means too much to me. Being with her is the only thing that makes me happy but at the same time…"

"Yikes."

"That about sums it up."

"So she loves you but she isn't in love with you. That…wow. I can't even imagine. But you did say she's trying, isn't she?" Conrad asked.

Rukelion slumped forward so his head was on the desk. "Yes but it honestly isn't making much of a difference. The more I get, the more I want. I thought I'd be content simply having her with me but I'm not."

"Of course you aren't! You're a man in love!"

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious. And the worst part is that I have to act like everything is fine both with her and with everyone else because of the charade. So can you understand now why everyone has been pushing me closer to the edge lately?"

"Definitely. I never would have gushed like that if I knew…I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"There isn't anything anyone can do except D—Veronica," Rukelion sighed. "Forget it. Go marry your Elaine and be happier than I am."

Conrad frowned before sympathetically patting him on the shoulder. "Hang in there."

"…very helpful."

"Sorry. But if it makes you feel any better, anyone who looks at the two of you would never guess. She definitely does love you. She told me you were her best friend and I could tell she meant it."

Rukelion turned his head slightly so he could crack one eye open at him. "I know. I'm incredibly grateful to be her best friend. She's mine too. I just…want more than that, you know?"

Conrad nodded solemnly. "I get that. I'm sure she'll come around with how much you adore her."

That was what he had hoped and yet… He could still appreciate that his friend was trying to cheer him up. He couldn't deny that this sort of conversation was the kind that happened between friends instead of between a king and his pawn.

"Hopefully," he said with a heavy sigh.

His shift finally, mercifully ended and he left Conrad to go home. It had been a long time since he felt so discouraged and he didn't even bother saying hello to his wife before going upstairs to change and flopping onto his bed.

This was unusual behavior for him so Daisy, being her overly kind and concerned self, came up to check on him. "Leo? Are you okay?"

"No. Go back to what you're doing; I'll get over it," he mumbled.

He laid on his back with an arm over his eyes so he didn't see her come over and sit down on the bed next to him. He felt the mattress shifting slightly instead and heard her voice sound much closer.

"Did something happen at work?" she pressed, worry humming through her voice.

"I said I'll get over it!" Rukelion snapped. "You can't help me so can you at least give me some space?"

"Oh. Alright. Sorry for bothering you."

Daisy definitely sounded hurt and he cursed once she was out of the room. He needed to get a better handle on things. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her feelings but he couldn't take much more of this while dealing with external stressors at the same time.

He had been wanting to get home to his wife before talking to Conrad but now he wanted to be alone and stew in his misery for a while. And he happened to make a mess of things in the process.. Fantastic.