I'm a Walking Disaster With My Unwanted Virginity

It was a tempting offer but I only had my eyes on one girl. 

And I already knew for a fact that girls were a handful and I only needed one: having more would only increase my stress levels anyway. 

But I kind of felt a bit weird now that I couldn't actually exercise. And not to mention I'd have to eat meat, of all things. I preferred milk as my protein source, but oh well. 

'Should I head to the cafeteria?' It was tempting but I hadn't brought my wallet. 

Typical. 

By the time I reached the dorm, a lot of people were already up. There went my chance to actually take a proper shower. 

After using deodorant as an alternative, I finally learned that it actually didn't work, and sometimes I smelled even worse. 

Even if meant being late, I had to take a shower. 

Sigh!

Knock!

The door was open. There was a spicy-meaty smell in the air, someone was having a fancy breakfast. 

Obviously, it was Merin. When the hell did he get it?

"What'cha eating?"

He had a bowl with broth and noodles, looked a bit fancy, but in the end, it was just noodles. 

"Hmm?" He kept on chugging down the noodles. "Rame-"

"Wha?"

"Ramen." He pronounced it well after finishing his bite. He had a spoon and a fork.

"Ra- Men? Isn't it just instant noodles?"

It didn't smell like that but it sure looked like it. And why was it in a bowl? He could have just eaten it in a cup, without making more dishes. 

But then again, he'd be washing the stuff, so oh well. 

"How rude! Of course not! Here, you have a bowl too!"

Now that I looked carefully, there was an extra bowl on the table. And there even was a bit of soy sauce on a smaller bowl. He even got a fork and a spoon ready.

Well, at least he was thoughtful. 

"Who made this stuff?" I tried one noodle with a bit of the broth. I almost burned my taste buds. "This is too spicy!" And not to mention salty.

Merin sighed. "What are you, some village nephew? That's how it's supposed to taste like. And people add even more spices. That's literally the vanilla version."

"Seriously?" I had loads of doubts on my mind but I tried to not think too hard. 

I took another sip and carefully evaluated my tastes. It wasn't bad, and I certainly needed some getting used to it. I took some more and eventually it felt good enough and I could have it without any problems. There were meat slices, so my worries for meat ended with this. 

There were a bunch of other things here too, but I didn't know anything about those. 

It wasn't bad, but I didn't think I'd be paying extra to have this over cup noodles. Why? Simple, I didn't like noodles. 

This wasn't bad though. 

But who had time to make something this fancy, anyway? "How much did this cost? And who thought to make something like this?" I wondered aloud. It tasted good and had protein and starch and other stuff in it: someone had to come up with this thing, right? 

"Dunno who invented it but Raea made it for you and me: so it cost nothing. It's a popular dish in eastern Asia."

I stopped eating. "And now you're telling me that?"

"Otherwise, you wouldn't be eating it, right?" He made a smug grin. "You see, she bribed me with this bowl, so I'd keep my mouth shut until you finished. But since I'm your friend and all, I decided to tell you early." I could literally see his teeth.

I wanted to stop eating and put the bowl down. And I did too. "I think that's enough for breakfast." I felt a bit bad to stop eating though. 

"She worked really hard you know. It's not often you see someone actually cook these in these parts instead of just putting some water and making instant Ramen, calling it a day. But yeah, totally up to you, what you'd do. I'll eat mine." And he kept eating. 

I sighed and picked up the bowl again. Not because I wanted to respect the one who made this, no, but because it actually tasted good and deserved to be consumed. 

Was I being a hypocrite? Yes.

I kept on sipping and near the end tried the soy sauce. The stuff was even saltier and yet, I felt like having more. Were my senses going dull or something?

After finishing it, I didn't feel that good though. I might or might not have over-ate a little.

So, I lied down and stayed silent. 'Why is she doing all this?' I didn't understand that girl. She framed me, declared her love for me, tried to become my slave and now she was making me food. What the hell did she want? 

Merin did not stay quiet though. "So, what do you plan on doing?" He was done eating too and he looked more than fit. 

He wasn't fit though. 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Raea. I don't have that much experience with girls, so I don't know if she's faking this or maybe she really is in love with you. But either way, you'll have to make a choice, right?"

"And that choice is already made. I don't want anything to do with her." I was pretty clear about it from the start.

So, what was this guy trying to get at?

"Then be vocal about it. Last night you only encouraged her. She probably now thinks if she keeps all this up, she'll be able to win you over. If you want her to stop for good, you'll have to make her understand it. Not hope that she'll understand it herself."

I knew that! But it felt vexing to hear that from his mouth. 

He was right though, maybe I was just running away from all the decisions. 

"I will talk to her later."

"What if her feelings are real?"

"Doesn't matter. I only have eyes for one girl."

"And if that doesn't work out?"

"I don't know, okay!" I stood up and glared at Merin. "I don't know!"

I had an hour before class but I headed out. 

I heard a snicker. "Sometimes it's better to not know. But so far all you've been doing is running around, pretending. You talk about being this, taking that, having patience, and all that, but in the end, you're just like any of us: you don't know shit."

"Well, thanks for the analysis."

I went out. 

People stayed out of my way.

It felt like I could explode any second now. Just what was this? Why did it have to be like this?

Why did it always have to come to this?

I knew I was running away. I knew I didn't have enough courage to face Marg and for that I tried to make use of this tournament. I knew that already. 

I couldn't stay in bed last night knowing someone would freeze either: and because of that Raea probably misunderstood. I knew all that, I knew I was being indecisive. 

I knew if Marg rejected me, I'd be out of options. 

But then what? What did knowing get me! Nothing! It only raised my anxiety.

Just giving me an analysis of reality wasn't going to make anything better. I needed answers and I didn't have any. 

'Damn it!' I stomped the ground and the pavement broke down. "Damn." I just stood there, shaking with anger. People just kept walking.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what was best. 

I really didn't know anything- just like Merin said.