I'm a Walking Disaster With My Unwanted Virginity

Five times. 

And by the sixth, I was dry and kind of questioning the meaning of life. 

And just after that, instead of going to bed, I had to spend thirty minutes in the bathroom, dispensing all the chocolate milk I'd ever consumed. 

'Shit.'

Shit indeed.

Technically the wedding day was over after midnight, so I guess my luck had run out. 

"Ouch, ow, ow!" Oh, it hurt.

It hurt bad. 

And it burned too. 

I could feel my intestines, and I could also not feel them at the same time….

Indescribable. 

'I'm never drinking again…'

Suffice to say, just questioning the meaning of life wasn't enough. I had to question the meaning of the universe. 

***

Argh!

Who knew waking up could be such a pain?

My head hurt. 

My stomach hurt. 

And my crotch also hurt. 

I was basically bare, and so was Marg. She was under the blanket but I could pretty much see everything. 

So warm-

But- 

Ow! 

It hurt to even move my damn arm.

Maybe I'd overdone it a little last night. 

"Argh!" I held my head and sat down. 

It throbbed, my whole body. 

Marg moaned slightly in her sleep and opened her eyes. "Goo' morn-"

She was half asleep- way too cute. 

Unfortunately, my body was too much in pain. 

Maybe drinking that much chocolate milk was a terrible idea. 

And doing it five times wasn't a great idea either. 

Disaster. 

'Am not that smart, am I?'

'You're realizing that now?'

Oddly the shadow was often answering me stuff. 

But sometimes I wish it didn't. 

With some more groans, I got down and headed to the bathroom. 

Fortunately, it was six in the morning, so no one was up yet. 

I wasn't going to get up either if it weren't for the pain. 

I emptied my bladder and my stomach; took a cold shower. 

That woke me up. 

Instead of doing anything else, I just went outside and walked. 

My body was in pain so I didn't bother running. 

Just a walk was fine. 

My stomach rumbled. 

***

Gradually the pain receded and things looked good. 

Tomorrow was Halloween and the last day of the festival. 'I have to go back to school so soon?'

I kind of wanted to just go to places with my wife- aka, Marg. 

I guess honeymoon and stuff would have to wait. 

Anyway- breakfast!

Yeah, I couldn't eat. 

I could see a lot of grins from around me, but I proceeded to ignore them…

***

I went to the academy and things were vastly different. 

The stalls were set up. Banners were everywhere and they even had large floating balloons. 

"Woah!"

And the number of students had only increased. Some parents and journalists were also here.

Now, this was more like a festival!

I walked around. This place was amazing. 

Almost every stall had customers. 

People were enjoying themselves. Eating, playing games, watching stuff: Having fun.

And then there was Eve, who was just sitting on her stall, looking out, and sighing. 

She didn't have any customers. 

"Business slow?" I approached her. 

There was a reason for that. 

She'd helped me decide: she'd helped me big time. 

"Yeah. More or less." She didn't quite look at me. 

Eve had a hand supporting her cheek while she just stood there, leaning against the table in front. 

She still had frozen snake meat. 

And it was only morning. "You'll get customers in the noon."

Most of the people here probably had breakfast anyway. 

She looked at me, without turning her head. "Are you trying to cheer me up? Why?"

I sighed and took a seat on the stool. "Well, I haven't thanked you for the other day. Thanks."

She just stared at me; a bit surprised. "No problem." I guess she wasn't expecting that. 

I stood up and stretched. "I'll take a walk. Haven't seen the rest of the stuff."

Eve remained quiet, so I just walked.

There was another reason though- I had to find a bathroom, and I had to find it fast. Because something rumbled and stuff wanted to get out. 

But a moment later. "Hey!" She yelled. I looked back. "The fireworks. You, still free? Tonight, at six on the main building's roof."

I thought over it. "Marg will be there too. You okay with that?" 

These two were sisters. 

They weren't on the best of terms. 

And I had no intention of being a bridge for them. However, I did want to see the fireworks and I wanted Marg to see them too. But since Eve was the one who brought it up, it was only fair I thanked her somehow. 

She exhaled, remained quiet for a few seconds. "Don't be late." She proceeded to look busy in the stall. 

There weren't any customers though, so that was just an act. 

Our conversation was over. 

Anyway. I continued my walk. 

And the search for a toilet began. 

***

Flush!

That was something… I was this close to shitting my pants… literally. 

At least things were looking better than this morning… the smell though… not so much.

My walk continued. 

I saw a lot of old faces. The transfer students, some classmates, some seniors. They were either helping or just sightseeing. 

But seeing these things alone didn't quite feel all that right. Lounging around a festival, all alone, wasn't that fun anyway. 

Marg was busy with something so she told me to come on my own. 

And I didn't really want to get involved with any other girls. 

I could have always just asked Elsa to come along but- but that had its share of problems too. 

'Maybe I should just find some guy friends.'

Where the hell were my friends anyway?

***

Merin was unavailable. Apparently, the guy was helping his sister out at the cafeteria. 

Mike was doing some disciplinary duty. 

I didn't call Clyde cause that would have been weird. 

Which left-

"Hey!" He wailed his arms from a distance. 

Well, this guy sure was happy to see me. I'd only sent him a text and here he was.

We never talked much but we were oddly still friends. Good friends no less. 

"So, where do you want to go first?" Robert said, finally approaching me. 

"No idea. I don't know anything about this fest."

He chuckled a bit. "Then allow me."

Robert was weirdly excited for once. Was he always this excited?

Yeah, probably not. 

But it did feel a bit better that he was happy, at least. 

***

Robert showed me around. 

I didn't tell him that I'd already seen everything there was to see and just wanted someone to hang out with. 

Some things were better left unsaid. 

It was still fun though. We'd gone to different stalls, even played some games. Some stalls were doing plays, puppets shows and all that too. 

The skewered meat was pretty good too. I'd skipped breakfast, so I did like them… I was definitely going to die later on, but oh well. 

All in all, not bad. Time flew fast. 

Never thought hanging out with friends could have been this fun. Then again, I never had friends… before. 

On our way to the other side, I saw Eve still struggling to find customers. She did have like two-three though. An improvement, that's for sure. 

"I've gotta prepare some homework stuff. I'll see you on Monday, then?" And Robert was already leaving. 

I kind of wanted him to stay here for another hour or so- but- I guess that was kind of weird on my end. 

'What the hell is wrong with me?'

Today was Wednesday. "Wait, we have homework?" And then my head started to spin, ever so slightly. 

He looked at me a bit funny for a second and then came upon a realization. "I wish you Goodluck."

The guy didn't proceed to tell explain anything and just left. 

I just stood there- seeing him vanishing in the distance.

Like, what the hell?

'Homework… vacation…oh…."

Needless to say, I was more or less just standing there, like a moron. Which I might or might not have been. 

Boom!

Something exploded just behind me.