I'm a Walking Disaster With My Unwanted Virginity

Marg was leaving. 

She'd packed her bags. 

She was going away- far away. 

She'd waited long enough.

One day, one week, and then two. 

Now she was just leaving. 

Helio's mother tried to stop her, even Elsa tried but- but she didn't listen. 

Her mind was made up and she was going to leave. 

With everything packed, she walked out of the front door. 

Marg had a specific policy for her teleportation; she'd developed it after countless incidents… incidents that were better left untold. Unless it was absolutely necessary, she never wanted to teleport inside the house, ever. 

But just as she came out of the door- she saw something in the front yard. 

She heard voices and then a gate of sort opened. She knew that gate well enough- after all, she'd been to the other side. 

But- as three people came out of the gate- she stood there a bit dazed. 

She knew one of them all too well. The man had changed- yet he was the same. She could tell at a single glance… it was him. 

She dropped her suitcase and ran. 

She ran straight for the man in the middle. 

She reached up to him- he'd changed. 

He was different. 

But he was the same person- But.

***

I'd been traveling for over two years now. 

My beard and nails just kept on growing. Trying to cut them with my sword was… quite something.

And in this world sleep wasn't a thing and even trying to sleep was a bad idea. As if by some miracle I could fall asleep- I only saw nightmares about the black things and unknown memories. Apparently- those were actual memories and lament of the dead- at least according to Breya. 

But yeah, after so damn long I'd finally be home.

How would they react?

Would they hate me?

Would they just leave me? Shun me?

After all, at the end of the day, no matter what, the dead wouldn't come alive, right?

Right?

"Hey, can you bring back the dead?" I said to no one in particular but did stare at the two sisters who were currently busy arguing about what was faster a bacterium or spirogyra.

"If you want them to look mangled, have basically no motor functions or speech capability but still crawling regardless, then yeah. I wouldn't recommend it though."

Just imagining all that gave me depression. "Sorry I asked."

Sigh.

***

The gate started opening. 

Finally!

Light!

Air!

And also, fatigue!

But yeah, finally!

And wait- the doors opening?

Did someone come to welcome me?

Muahahah!

I guess they missed me too.

Just as I manifested, I saw a girl running towards me at full force. 

I half expected a loving embrace but-

Oh shit-

Slap!

I got slapped. And I got slapped heard. 

  Oww!

Owww!!

That hurt- or rather stung. 

Marg had a fierce look, eyes slightly wet. And was that a briefcase by the door?

Yeah, it didn't take a genius to figure out she was leaving. 

"I'm sorry- no, I'm really sorry," I said. "But I'm back now."

She was going to slap me again. 

But I caught her hand, held her in my arms, and gently lowered her, kissing her. "You wouldn't turn into an abusive wife, would you?" I whispered. 

She flared- and tried to kick me. But I didn't let her, rather, I kissed her again. 

She wasn't calming down- no. "It's not good for the baby you know." Enira mumbled. 

"SHurrup!" Marg glared and wailed. 

In the end, I took a deep breath, lifted her up, and carried her like a princess towards the front door. She still struggled but at this point, it was pointless. "I love you, so just stay put and let me love you!" With that said, I kissed her again, digging my tongue through her mouth. 

She didn't protest anymore. Rather, she kissed me back, holding my face in her hand. 

"Your breath stinks…" She whispered softly, eyes kind of shimmering. 

Cute!

"Haven't brushed in over four years."

She looked very disgusted that was for sure.

And yet, she just settled down in my arms. "And you stink too." Sure didn't stop her from hugging me though.

"Yeah, I know."

A lot of people were on the other side of the door. 

They were just staring out- I guess they were trying to stop Marg but it didn't work. 

Mom and Elsa were just standing by the door, looking my way. 

How was I supposed to greet them- I had no idea. 

This was not awkward at all-

I was basically like a caveman. Hair here- stink there. And they were just standing quite far away from me. 

Not awkward at all. 

Like totally not awk-

I gently got Marg down. But before I could even attempt to say anything, mom came over and just stared, arms crossed. "Well, go shower first. We'll have a long talk afterward." Her glare was anything but friendly. 

Meanwhile- I saw Elsa also glaring. 

'Where the hell is my warm welcome.'

Granted, I wasn't expecting them to cry and stuff and hug me and all that but really?

Pure glares?

Dejected- I headed for the washroom. 

But yeah, this went much better than I thought. Probably not the smoothest of shit- but yeah.

Anyway- I showered. 

And who knew you could go crazy with soap, shampoo, razors, and trimmers, and stuff?

I might or might not have ruined stuff already…

***

I explained everything to mom and rest. 

Technically she was the new head of the household along with Auntie. They were running the house in a joint manner. 

And though most weren't really glad to see me, they weren't holding any grudges- at least that's what they told me. And they were definitely joining in on the conversation in the living.

We were currently in the living- me sitting on one sofa alone, while mom and Auntie were on the opposite. Everyone was here. 

But when I did say that I actually destroyed the alien's whole planet, they kind of rejoiced and even started praising me. 

No one even bothered to question the morality behind it. 

Which I was glad for. 

"Finally, our dead can rest in peace knowing they've been avenged!" One of the aunties roared. 

The rest shared her sentiment, that was for sure. 

Meanwhile, I just stared at them like a moron. 

But yeah, things went much smoother. 

Elsa and Marg didn't quite say much to me. But at least they weren't glaring anymore. 

"Also- these two are actually grandmother's sisters. So, they're kind of-" 

"Wait, what?" Mom said, staring at the girls behind me, behind the sofa. "Your pet dragon and that vampire?" She cocked her head slightly. 

The front doors slammed open. "I heard he's back!" Someone was walking this way, he was still ways off but we could hear him just fine. 

There was only one old man in the world who laughed haughtily like that. 

Apparently, the geezer had survived. 

I could feel a hissing sound coming from behind me. 

The geezer heartily came into the living room. "Kid!" He was delighted to see me but then all the color from his face vanished. "Big sis?" He stared at Breya first… then Enira too. "And is that you, Eni?"

Enira waved while Breya smiled- fangs sticking out. 

Oh boy. 

"I'll-" The geezer stuttered and "Be back. Gotta go buy some milk." He was calmly leaving. There was nothing calm about it though. 

"Take it outside guys," I said. 

"With pleasure." Breya grinned. "Finally!"

"Kid!" The geezer whined, staring helplessly at me. 

Breya and he walked out of the house. 

'This is what you get for not telling me before…' The guy acted like he didn't know this vampire lady at all. Talk about all the shit he made me go through because he didn't like vampires. 

I was definitely not taking it out on him for making me kiss him, definitely not. Okay?