Episode 19 – Our first fight?

I went into the test with everything I had. I worked hard and memorized everything right up to the test.
After two days of testing, all the tests were returned and today was the day the results were released.

“The results are posted in the same place, so do you want to go look at them with me?”
“Yes.”
I didn’t dare to tell Mirei san the score.
Because it was not so good if I told her the result.
I thought I could do well in Mirei sam’s past examinations, but she gave me another kind of problems in all subjects and I could not get a good score there.
It is indeed a prestigious school. It is not a simple task.
I will study harder next time.

That said, I don’t even know if my name would make the rankings. I’d try to refer to the previous ones, but I only saw mine and Haruto’s, so I don’t remember the scores of anyone below that.

If I’m not in the ranking or something, Mirei san…
Mirei san is kind, but the people around her…
Let’s not think negative thoughts.

“Are you alright? Are you nervous?”
“A little.”
“It’s fine.”
That “It’s fine” will stick in your mind.

We arrived at the school and looked at the rankings posted on the bulletin board.
In first place was Haruto with 968 points.
Second place was 906, followed by 843 in 10th place.
And my score was 740.
I was not on the ranking.

And Mirei san
1st place with 1000 points.
I was standing there, unable to say anything and unable to look at Mirei san
“Mirei! You are No. 1 again!:
“You’re still amazing as usual, Wakata-san.”
“Eh, wait..”
It seems that Mirei san is surrounded by second-year students.
Mirei san is amazing.
I can’t jump into that crowd, so I decided to go to my classroom already.

I guess it’s my fault for not planning my studies. In the first place, there was no way that someone stupid enough to be in the top ranks at a prestigious school in middle school. That first place just happened to be luck. Maybe everyone else just didn’t study as hard as I did at first.

It is a bad habit of mine to think this way, but this time it makes sense.
I am Mirei san’s boyfriend, so if I am not smart, people around me might make fun of me or even Mirei san.

“Masa!”
Mirei san rushes over to me.”
“Why did you suddenly disappear?”
“Because you were talking to someone, Mirei san.”
“You don’t have to be discouraged just because you’re not on the list.”
I was sensitive to her words.
“If you suddenly go from No. 1 to out of the top, you will be laughed at by everyone. You’re right, Mirei, you’ve been No. 1 for a long time and there is no way you’ll fall down.”
I knew I was hurting her feelings by saying this.
“What’s wrong with you all of a sudden? Even though you were out of the top 10, you were doing your best, right?”
She patted me on the head. But I shook his hand away.
“Don’t treat me like a child!”
Mirei san looked confused.
I don’t want to embarrass her.
I really like being patted on the head.

Now I say out of fatigue or out of frustration with myself.
“I am not a genius like you, and I was an idiot in junior high school. I tried hard to be worthy of you.”
“It’s not too late.”
“If it’s you right, Mirei san? That’s how you think of yourself, that’s how you are… I hate you!”

I run to my classroom. Fortunately, I don’t think anyone has heard this conversation because everyone is still stuck on the ranking list and I came early in the morning.
But I’ve said it.
I don’t really think that at all.
I hate myself. I said the worst thing to Mirei san, who is always there for me and always helps me out.
I’m not a good boyfriend.