Episode 28 – What should I do?

“Yeah…I fell asleep.”
After that I locked myself in my room and went straight to sleep.
“Good morning.”
Mirei san came in.
“Is everything alright? Let’s not go to school today, just in case.”
“Y-yeah”
“I brought breakfast. Wanna eat with me?”
I know I’m bothering her.
but I don’t want to do anything right now.
The only reason she needs me now is because she likes me. If she no longer likes me, I wonder if she will simply throw me away.

I just ate my breakfast in silence. While I was eating, Mirei san did not talk to me.
“You’d better take a shower. You didn’t take a bath last night, did you?”
She told me so and I took a shower.

“Welcome back. Next…”
“Mirei san”
“Yes?”
“Can I have a moment alone?”
“Of course. I’m sorry.”
Then Mirei san left the room.

I shrink down on the bed.
I really want Mirei san to stay with me, but I think it would be a waste of time for her to pass without doing anything.
It might be nice if I could be honest with her, but it would be a nuisance. Even just for the sake of it, she doesn’t even go to school and stays indoors.

“No one needs me…”
There are much cooler and kinder people than me, Mirei san. Well, I guess she’ll be dumped in the end.
There is no one who needs me.
I covered my face with the pillow, not caring that the pillow was wet.

“It’s already five o’clock…”
It was already evening when I cried and wrapped myself in the futon since then.
Then there was a knock at the door.
“Masa, may I come in?”
“Yes.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, I feel better after a day’s rest.”
“I see. Then I have someplace I want to go now, and I want you to come, too”
“Okay.”
Without asking where we were going, I got ready to go.

“Are you ready?”
“Yeah.”
“Then let’s go.”
She reaches out her hand to me. I was holding Mirei san’s hand even in the car.

About 30 minutes passed. The sky was already getting dark.
After passing through a tunnel, I saw the sea.
This is the private beach of the Wakata family. Of course, there is a section for the public, but it’s still pretty big.
Mirei san told me.

We arrive at the beach and sit on the sand.
In the distance I see people surfing and boating.
“What did you do today?”
“Today…nothing much.”
“I see. I haven’t been doing anything, either. I have some work to do, but for some reason I haven’t gotten around to it, and even when I try to play on my phone, I don’t feel like it.”
“I see.”
“So I’ve been thinking about it. And I thought it was because Masa wasn’t there. Without you, I feel like there’s a hole in my heart and I can’t do anything.”
“I’m sorry….”
“No, not at all. I’m not saying that I wanted you to apologize. I’m happy just to be able to watch the sunset together with you like this.”

“But after today, I know how much I need you.”
“you don’t need me. I’m a nuisance just by being alive.”
I tried not to show the tears that were threatening to spill out, but I buried my face in my tears.
“I’m not. Nobody bothers anyone just by being alive.”?
“I’m…! I’m fed up with it! If Mirei san had found someone cool and kind, she wouldn’t have had to spend time with me. Mom died because of me. I killed her too, you know? Even if such a person was still alive…”
Mirei san stood up abruptly and looked at me for a moment with a vacant stare.
“You shouldn’t blame yourself so much. It is true that you may feel a burden, but you don’t have to worry about that. Just leave it to me. I’m just glad you’re alive.”
“If you say that… I’ll cause you more and more trouble…”
“You can bother me if you want. I’ll do anything for you. I would do anything for you.”
“Mirei san, please hold me like this a little longer.”
“Yes, okay.”

I told her what my father had told me and what I had been thinking about for a long time.
She gently listened to me, hugging me and saying, “It’s okay.”
I had cried a lot today, and I cried again until my tears dried up.