Chapter 93 - Retrospection

Mayer believed completely that I was worth bringing over, even if he had to sacrifice an elite member of his… Or perhaps that was what he wanted to believe in since nothing could bring back his lost subordinate. Could it be that he was always looking for use in me to confirm that his choice hadn’t been wrong? Was that why he was often worried about my life? “…Was there no other way than to dispatch the Green Spirits?” I asked quietly.

“There was no other squad available that could clear that dungeon at the time, and… Actually, this is not something II should say in this situation. However, I genuinely believed that the Green Spirits could clear it,” Mayer murmured. His confession wasn’t quite for me to listen to. It was closer to him looking back on something he couldn’t believe happened. “I did not send them without any thoughts, you know. I had information as I had cleared it once… I trained the Green Spirits according to the dungeon level and gave them plenty of support. Including holy water, I also conveyed to them the proper strategy. I prepared them perfectly, so much so that I did not doubt they would return alive this time.”

But they had failed. It wasn’t Mayer Knox’s fault; after all, he didn’t know everything in the world. But I, the “player”, was different. I knew why Mayer’s calculations were off. Many dungeons rose in difficulty upon entering the second playthrough. From the game’s perspective, the change in difficulty was taking into account the transferred skills and stats. But reality was a different story. It was too harsh on everyone else that wasn’t the player who had those transferred abilities. I was certain the dungeon the Green Spirits headed to was one of those that had been affected.

I contemplated on whether to tell Mayer about this for a while. It wasn’t something I could pass off as first playthrough information, after all. But seeing Mayer suffering so much because he had no answers, compassion welled up in me and I made my decision. This was something I had to go over at least once to raise the special unit, anyway. I forced my lips open to speak. “Among dungeons… there are some that rise in difficulty in the second playthrough. Dungeons that change, in a way.”

“How do you… No, if that’s the truth, then…”

“The dungeon that the Green Spirits entered may have been one of them. It’s not something you could have done anything about, Captain. You did your best.”

Mayer’s mouth shut tightly and a heavy silence descended. For a long time, he gazed at his reflection in his glass. What could he be thinking? After taking a long time to organize his thoughts, he said, “But doing my best was not enough. Because in the end, the Green Spirits was wiped out except for one…” He smiled bitterly, clicking his tongue and sighing with deep self-mockery. “Perhaps I knew then by instinct that things would turn out this way. It explains why I merely trained the Green Spirits but did not have Axion or August join them… The battle against the demon lord would be hugely impacted if I lost even them, after all. How utterly selfish.”

“…I think it was an inevitable decision to make as the captain of an expedition corps.” My words were a consolation and, at the same time, my true thoughts. I would have done the same as Mayer in the same situation.

“You are kind.”

That made me feel like a glass shard was poking my conscience. “I’m being objective,” I reluctantly refuted.

Mayer tapped his glass with his fingertips, thinking about something. On his part, his fiddling held no meaning at all. But if the drunk captain were to loosen his control for even an instant, that glass would shatter—or should I say explode—from the powerful impact. As I was inside that radius of that potential explosion, I nervously stared at his glass.

To my relief, it managed to escape Mayer’s hand unscathed as he let out a big sigh. “Perhaps there was a way to save Umbra, save the Green Spirits, and get you to join me as well. But for me at the time, that was the best I could do.” I had no reply to that, and he continued over my silence. “I do not regret choosing you after all. I would have gone to take you no matter how many times the situation repeated itself.”

His eyes shone with unshakable determination. Seeing him like that, I felt curious about something I had failed to think of. Why in the world had Mayer chosen me, even at the risk of losing Umbra and the Green Spirits? He couldn’t have known I had so much use before we met, nor that I remembered the first playthrough. It couldn’t be explained by the fact that he had his eye on me since then. Something was strange after all… Had I leaked some important piece of information in the past?