Chapter 95 - Resolve

It made me tremble inside that he was showing his weak side to no one but me. It was a kind of emotional privilege that a man who was like a wary, wounded beast would soften only around me, and I wasn’t used to it. My fingertips grew hot as if on fire with the desire to embrace Mayer and comfort him.

…Embrace him? I was startled by the sudden thought. It was apparent that the physical contact we shared, which he didn’t remember, had greatly lowered the barrier in my heart. I curled my fingers into my palm as if hiding my feelings and, contrary to those emotions, assumed a cool tone. “First of all, what you said is wrong, Captain.”

“Wrong?”

“I didn’t know Umbra well, but I don’t think she would’ve died in nothing but despair. There’s no way someone who did that would’ve endured until the very end, let alone kill the dungeon boss.” At his silent stare, I added, “Moreover, she left a survivor in her squad. Is that meaningless?”

“…No.”

“And thanks to you bringing me to the Dark Knights, Sevi got to live. And… you found a way to slay the demon lord, Captain. It’s not like all your decisions lead to bad results.”

Knowing the future didn’t mean life went my way. There was no such thing as a perfect outlook on life. One would only realize that what had to be given up, should be given up. I felt this deeply in the first playthrough. This was most likely that moment for Mayer now in the second playthrough. Some things you could only watch happen, even though you knew the conclusion. At times, something completely different from what you knew could happen. Such events would occur many times in the future. By changing the things that I could out of all the rest, one by one, I would someday reach the end of the unknown before me, and achieve an ordinary life. This was what I wanted to tell Mayer and at the same time, it was a promise to myself.

I held up my glass to him with a deliberate hard tone to my voice. “Let your mourning and regrets for the deceased end tonight. You can grieve later, once we’ve defeated the demon lord and you’re being crowned as emperor.” I had to heat and temper the iron called Mayer Knox and forge him into a sword devoid of the slightest hesitation. Only then would he be able to last countless battles until the moment he rammed his blade into the demon lord’s heart. And he called me kind. I could only sigh at Mayer Knox’s poor judgment of people.

He gazed at me in silence for a moment, then raised his own glass. “Yes. Until we have defeated the demon lord.” With sincerity and a sense of mission, we clinked glasses. Some of my drink spilled onto my hand, and the sensation gave me an illusion of liquor seeping into my heart.

* * *

From that day on, Mayer no longer showed his troubles regarding the Green Spirits. Maybe he had realized that there was no room for faltering until the demon lord was killed. He spurred himself even more in training his mana. This was better. Before, I would’ve worried if he wasn’t rushing too much, but I felt it better that he had something to focus on like this.

“Uh, Vice-captain.” Sevi timidly came over to me. The boy had looked terrible throughout the entire memorial service. I stopped walking to lend an ear. He hesitated for a long while even after calling me before he barely opened his mouth to speak. “We’ll be entering a dungeon soon too, right?”

I met his eyes as I stroked Sevi’s hair. “Why? Anxious?” Even adults would fear stepping into dungeons again after bearing with a memorial. It was only natural that the still-young boy was anxious. Besides, Sevi had a near-death experience with the Blue Flames. Although he had acted like it was nothing at the time, there was no way he was really okay. “It’s okay to be honest.”

If Sevi was too afraid to enter a dungeon, I intended on respecting his choice. He was too young. In this time and era, even children like Sevi were being mobilized under the excuse of being talented manpower. Personally, I didn’t take too well to that. There were bound to be those with latent potential among other adults. It was just a matter of finding and nurturing new unit members. Sevi shook his head, however, calmly looking at me with his clear eyes. “I’m not anxious. Just…” He trailed off, unsure. It was after he made up his mind that he continued in a whisper. “I heard that the person who survived in the Green Spirits was the youngest recruit.”

I didn’t know if that person was the youngest, but I did hear they were a recruit. Sevi seemed to project himself onto that survivor, lips trembling slightly as he squeezed out, “If we run into danger in a dungeon… If. It’s just speculation, but… I thought that you would also try to save me for the sole reason of being young, Vice-captain. I just… I wanted to say that I don’t want that.”

“Sevi.”

“I’m one of the Dark Knights too. I’ve made my resolve. I don’t want to survive just for being young.”