I'm still alive

Bright sunlight permeated through the windows, and Chae-yeon sang a song with the sunlight as the background. Next to him, children of their age are busy singing along to Chae-yeon's songs and laughing happily as if they were in another world. I sit still in my seat and exhale lightly as I look at it. I couldn't take my eyes off the place, which seemed like I was watching an unrealistic movie, but was almost caught right away.

Kim Yun-sik's trial date was today. Perhaps because of that, Eden's atmosphere was like thin ice, and the expressions of all the residents were not good either. However, only the school, where the children were gathered, was going back to normal, maintaining its usual appearance.

This is the first school festival since Eden was born. At a time when the atmosphere is depressed, school teachers put their heads together for anxious children and depressed adults. After such consideration, I prepared this place for both parents and children to get together. Of course, all of us who were on vacation attended, and now we sat in one place and watched the chorus of Chae-yeon and the children.

I couldn't hide my overwhelming heart when I saw Chae-yeon singing clearly. The laughter did not go away from my face, and the heart that began to beat was screaming happiness. I was so grateful that I bowed quietly to the teacher playing the piano over there.

'Oh, who's so pretty?’

The old man, who grumbled because he was lazy, was busy clapping his hands in the front seat as soon as he got here. My granddaughter is next to me, and our children in front of me are busy loving her as if she were my biological granddaughters and grandchildren. At times like this......... you were like a normal grandpa.

Dongyoon! Look over here.’

As I turn my eyes, the camera flash flashes. Soon after, the picture popped out of the instant camera, and as time went by, the picture showed me looking stupid. Kang Soo-ryeon, who was holding the camera, smiled and lowered the camera. Then he took a picture and held it out to me, and I took it in a daze.

Where else did they get the instant camera? Kang Soo-ryeon, who was busy with her camera, was just like a mother who came to see her daughter and son's school festival. I said to Kang Su-ryeon, quietly lifting up a picture of me staring at one place stupidly.

'Please take a picture of Chae Yeon, not me.’

Kang Su-ryeon then quietly approached me and showed me the pictures she had taken so far. Children who sing beautifully, old man who loves clapping his hands. And the Yongpal brothers who are making a fuss in front of the children. The whole party was gathering in the picture and laughing merrily.

Dong-yoon, would you like to take a picture with me?’

While I was looking at the pictures one by one, Kang Soo-ryeon came up to my side and pushed the camera. Photographs? When she came up to my side and held the picture upside down, it seemed like she wanted to take a selfie. I hesitated for a moment at a sudden request and couldn't ignore the smiling Kang Soo-ryeon, so I just looked up at the camera.

Kang Soo-ryeon sticks close to me. There was a scent of her intact scent, which had no scent but a subtle scent of soap. Strangely, I felt more comfortable than ashamed. Always when I managed to come back to life in crisis, she burst into tears and hugged me tightly. And I pulled Kang Soo-ryeon in as I did then, so that she and I could all come in in the narrow picture. Soon after, the camera spits out the picture with the sound of the shutter.

She holds a selfie taken by the two of us and has a gentle smile on her face. Then I took out a marker I don't know where I got it from and started writing something down on the blank space under the picture. What did you write? At the moment I was curious and tried to go back to her and see the picture, but she smiles and hides the picture. She said to me, embarrassed.

'It's a secret, so don't look.’

Where is that? We took it together. I was so grumpy that I followed the picture persistently, but she kept avoiding me as if she had never been able to. After a while, I could hear Kim Si-eun calling Kang Soo-ryeon from far away. Kim Si-eun and an old man were taking out mats and lunch boxes from their bags, and they might be thinking of eating the lunch boxes they brought after the children's song.

Kang Su-ryeon tried to escape from my touch with a look of good luck. I naturally burst out laughing at the childish figure, and decided to give up looking at her stubborn picture in a strange place. However, I asked her a favor before she went there.

"Mr. Su-ryun, would you lend me your camera?’

She readily complied with my request to lend her camera. And he gave me the instant camera he was holding, saying never to break it. Accepting the heavy camera, I looked quietly at the back of Kang Soo-ryeon walking far away.

The chorus was over, and the children dispersed from place to place in the auditorium in search of their parents. The sound of laughter and pleasant stories from all sides never stops. Our children also run here and have bright smiles. But instead of welcoming the children, I slowly walked to the back of the auditorium and settled down.

All right, just this spot was right. I can see a lot of people smiling happily in one place. I swallowed my saliva and picked up the instant camera that I received from Kang Soo-ryeon, and soon quietly filmed the group preparing a meal on a mat.

My finger, which used to pull the trigger, now pressed the shutter to take a warm life.

[The picture was pinned in the middle of the diary, and under the picture was the word 'EDEN'. This is the only picture he brought from Eden. Perhaps this moment was the only paradise he felt in Eden. There is a lot of handprint on the picture.]

* * *

All the time the sun was up invested in playing with the children. As soon as the school festival was over, they had a snowball fight with the children, and brought a lot of sweet snacks when they came home. We played board games until sunset, and just talked with Chae-yeon and talked about chasing beautiful dreams.

Chae-yeon's dream is to be a painter. Every time I drew a picture, I was so happy that you told me first. The child didn't seem to have nightmares anymore. And he always brags to me that Superman and the Whale come out of my dreams. Whenever I saw Chae-yeon's painting, I could tell who the Superman was and what the whale looked like.

A huge whale swam through the stars and burned Chae-yeon, followed by Superman making a meteor. Chae-yeon was always swimming in the middle of the Milky Way. Above the head the stars pour out, and the warm spring breeze tickles the cheeks and the head. Chae-yeon in the picture was always smiling, and the whale and Superman were smiling brightly along her.

I patted the sleeping child's head.

Dong-yoon,

Night has already come, and most of the party is asleep. But a sleepless old man was the only one sitting in the living room reading. The old man beckons me lying with Chae-yeon in one room as if something urgent happened.

I got up from my seat and walked towards the living room where the old man was, so he wouldn't wake up. Soon after, there was a large gathering of people, not just the elderly. Everyone was sitting comfortably, and somehow only familiar faces. Group leader, silver-rimmed glasses, and Park Daebak. I asked scratching my heavily pressed back.

What brings you here late at night?….’

It was usual for Eden to page me into the conference room if anything happened. However, the head of the group came to our accommodation to see what the wind was blowing, and even Park Dae-bak, who seemed to meet often these days, was sitting here. The group leader answered me with a quiet nod.

I'm sorry I always ask you to come....... I came here myself today.’

There must be something to do. Still, I feel strangely good to see you in person. I walked slowly towards where the old man was sitting, and soon sat down facing the group leader and Park Dae-bak. And before we knew it, Kang Su-ryeon came out to the living room and gave us a cup of coffee mix. The group leader quietly bows his head down, accepting coffee with a smiling face.

'So, what brings you here?'

Now we didn't have to dress up. The head of the group nodded, not offended at all, despite my attitude to speak straight to the point without any scruples. And putting down the coffee I was drinking, he told me and the old man the outcome of the trial that was today afternoon.

'Decided to be exiled.’

'That's too much.

As soon as he heard the answer, the old man replied reflexively. Of course, it would have been a good idea to cut the string for sure, but it would have been an unreasonable decision for the head of a group that should embrace everyone. But the group leader replied, shaking his head with a solemn face.

'Since it happened, Kim Yun-sik hasn't even been able to argue back. The old executives were very embarrassed because they were preoccupied throughout the trial. And the testimony of the combat team members at the time was decisive. All the residents and their families agreed.'

Exiled. It was practically like the death penalty. You're supposed to be out there, out there where it's already? There is no way that Kim Yun-sik can do the difficult task that even I can do. a death penalty worse than death penalty Kim Yun-sik is only now guilty of sitting on the sidelines of the 19 lives. The group leader breathed out with a bitter face. A sweet citron scent came from his bosom.

'Oh, that's it, and there's still an important story left.’

The head of the group tried hard to get rid of the bitterness and smiled brightly. I drink coffee right away and look at my face for a while. I had no choice but to look him in the eye, and suddenly I felt his troubles for a while, looking at his stretched wrinkles and gray hair. The group leader looked at me and said,

'The battle group needs to be reorganized. Of course, the leader's position is empty......... Of course, Dong-yoon is the first candidate. I'm here today to ask you that.’

It was an expected offer. But I answered without hesitation.

'No.'

Combat team. It was the most important role in defending Eden. Of course, it was a great position to be responsible for all external security and combat, but it was still a key part of power to occupy Eden's strong barrier. An enchanting seat that can be safe or dangerous depending on how the team leader does it. But I turned down the offer without a single hesitation.

'I knew you would.’

The head of the group smiled brightly, as if he knew it would happen. And he instructs the silver-rimmed glasses sitting still next to him to sit down for the next position. The old man, who was watching the figure quietly, asked me if he was curious about the intention of refusing at once.

'Why? Isn't that a good seat?’

I shook my head. Of course, it's a safe and good seat. Perhaps if assigned there, I could take charge of Eden at my disposal, and I could play with the child as much as I want and live a rich and stable life. However, I have experienced many things and felt while watching the world. I could be sure that the cog had changed in me. I didn't want to avoid that kind of identity.

And the head of the group said to me.

'Now that the vagrants are gone......... the vagrant task force will disappear.’

'Yes, sir.

I answered calmly, and the group leader smiled gently and said what I wanted.

'In fact, Park Dae-bak's Shelter is now part of our Eden. They say it's hard to maintain the shelter because of the mutations going around outside. They're all skilled veterans, so I think we can put them in the position we want, but Park Dae-bak especially insists that he wants to join a team.’

Park Dae-bak, who made eye contact with me, smiles and drinks cold coffee one at a time. I began to understand why he attended the disciplinary committee and followed me around. And Park Dae-bak's words, which he did that day, crossed my memory.

The head of the group said.

Isn't Dong-yoon's team understaffed? I'm going to comply with Mr. Park's request. Please, I hope you two can work together and produce a good result.’

The subtle lighting flashes ceaselessly, driving out the pitch-black darkness. The group leader once again asked me.

'And Dong-yoon, can you tell me what you're thinking?’

I answered.

Exploration, and rescue.

I used to dream of running down a dark, misty road. I was scared and scared, and I often desperately wanted a single ray of light out of fear that Chae-yeon might be crying. Every situation and every reality did. A foggy, dark, blind future is seen far away.

It was okay, though. Now I wanted to light the way.

I might have wanted to be a lighthouse.