I'm still alive

'Mr. Manny.

I woke up from my seat, rubbing my eyes half asleep at the sound of waking me up. The aftermath of the intense movement came only after everything was finished, and I was half asleep, feeling a throbbing wound and muscle. In my dream, the party and children running toward me were waving their hands. But I couldn't run to it, and floundering in the darkness of gap and longing. And by the time I was sucked into that deep abyss, someone had awakened me so well at the right timing.

'You have to eat before you go to bed.’

When I opened my eyes completely, someone was sticking out a can for me. Facing the can before his eyes, the gaze naturally turned upward, and it could be seen that someone who put it out was Jin-sun, who was still wearing a pink fur hat. Is it because of the late arrival of tiredness and pain? I groaned painfully, causing pain in the upper body, and soon accepted the canned food he offered. a half-handled can of purple It was so dark around it that I couldn't read the brand, but I had to turn anything over my throat to recover my body. I nodded quietly, opening a can.

'Thank you, I was a little hungry.’

At my thanks, Jin-soon smiled generously, and made a friendly gesture as if telling her to eat. And I smiled faintly at him sitting by the bedside. It's food; it's goodwill at the same time. I forced my mouth open, which seemed like it wouldn't fit in, and swept the food inside the can. Is it because of tiredness? Rather than taste, you can only feel the oil that moistens your tongue.

It's an unusual scent. Does it have a feeling of alienation like Indian food? I wondered what this food was, so I quietly glanced at the canned food in the moonlight, where a dog was smiling very brightly. The small letters look blurred. Feed your dogs with eco-friendly, organic food! I recited the phrase quietly, and I couldn't resist the cough that popped out at a moment.

Coughing.

Jin-soon, who forgot to eat canned food next to me, is surprised and looks at me.

'Oh? Doesn't it suit you?’

Since people ate dog food, of course it wouldn't suit their taste. But I let go of the unpleasantness he had in the corner of his head, looking at the can of the cat he was eating. Yes, that short and long time was enough to change people's way of thinking and values. I'm starving right now, what does taste and quality have to do with it? They are living faithfully in their own right. At that moment, I felt sorry for eating dog food.

Are you all eating the same thing?’

I asked around the people in the hospital room. Surrounded by silence as soon as the sun went down, more people were huddled together than before, falling asleep or whispering. But there was not a single person looking this way or talking to him. Was it because of the day before? For some reason, the look at me contained fear with a deep boundary. And Jin-soon, who is asked my question, puts her index finger on her lips with surprise.

'Shh, shh, shh! You'll be in trouble if other people know this!'

'......what? Why?'

'I've got two left. I'm going to give you a special treat since you have a guest.’

'Ah......'

A lamentable breath came out of my mouth. Yeah, it was a special treat. Then I began to predict what kind of food I usually eat. The deeper you think, the more bitter your mouth becomes. I smiled bitterly at him smiling, saying, "I did a good job, right?" And soon he poured canned dog into his mouth, which he would have cherished and cared for. It has a fishy taste and a unique scent. But I shut my mouth tight and pushed it all into my throat.

'Thank you for the meal.’

'Oh, come on. Oh! And give me the whole box. It's still useful.’

He even tried to frugally pack an empty can. Listening to him, I handed over the canned goods that were all gone, and posed to go back to sleep. Jin-soon also moved gently, clearing away empty cans, as if she knew that I needed to rest more.

He bowed his head to me. It was a greeting to me to rest and thank you for saving me this afternoon. I too bowed to him, facing him, slowly lying down and pulling up the smelly quilt. But the moment he thought everything was done, he stopped walking and asked me, trying to get out of the room.

'Excuse me...... I'm sorry, but may I ask you one thing?’

I gazed at him holding the door-handler in the hospital room, gently opening my eyes about to close. Unlike before, Jin-soon was unable to make eye contact with her anxious, nervous face. I was wondering for a moment before such an unfamiliar figure, but soon I got back to my upper body with the words, "Be comfortable." Then he fixed his eyes on the door and asked me in a quivering voice.

Are you from the government? Or, a cop? A soldier?"

As soon as he defended the word "government," the air in the room cooled down, and the people who were chatting quietly until a while ago kept their mouths shut. I could feel the eyes looking this way everywhere, and the gaze clearly contained the earnestness of returning to daily life. Survived fiercely, living in desperation. Occasionally, the coming crises have lost hope of the future, but their eagerness has never. I asked him with a dry breath.

Is that important?’

A listener without any thought would think it was simply a question of him. But the question I asked now was also directed at Jin-soon standing at the door of the hospital room and everyone who was eavesdropping on our conversation. It was a wake-up call asking what they wanted and what the dependence these dogs and pigs have been doing. These people were still waiting for the rescue to return them to their daily lives.

My question is answered by Jin-soon with her lips trembling.

You know the guys you're dealing with today? The three monsters.'

The surrounding silence continues. Perhaps remembering what happened during the day, he was brooding his fears. I looked around slowly with no expression on my face, and read the memory of another day from those who fixed their eyes on me. And Jin-soon, who recalled the memory, muttered something to me as if she were mesmerized.

A lot of people died trying to kill those three before. He kills you very easily....... why couldn't we?’

Humans know how to make shackles to bind themselves. The shackles were a paralyzing fear, sometimes creating a way out of reality. They're going to die. If you break your head, you'll definitely die. If you don't have the strength to break the skull, you can poke it into your eyes. But fear has given people the illusion and made them look bigger. Fear walked away from them before they even had a real fight. Jin-soon continued to talk.

'I think it's been like this since it happened. I'm sure it wasn't like this before. We had a good relationship, and if anyone was in an emergency, we went out to help......... by the way. Mister.'

Jin-soon ran hard for people. He sacrificed himself with a gun, and saw a lantern on the verge of death this afternoon. But the return is a cold barricade that keeps them from entering.

It will be despondent, vain. Maybe even being in this space now was hard. And the last question I heard of Jin-soon seemed to ask everyone around, not me.

Why have we changed so much?’

Why don't I know that? That question was a question that anyone living in this age could answer. Everybody knows, everybody knows. And those who are breathing now must know the answer themselves.

Why have we changed so much? I just want to live, but why did we have to change like this? I didn't answer those who already knew the answer, and I just quietly closed my eyes and split up. The darkening of the eyes and the stiffness of the snow subside.

Help me, save us.

It was a scream I heard countless times. Sometimes I answered that scream, and sometimes I weighed myself. But I couldn't give you any answers now. I just saved a handful of strength for the arduous march to Eden tomorrow. Time goes by. Then I heard the door of the hospital room open, and there comes the murmur of Jin-soon in front of me.

'......take a rest.'

* * *

It's another nightmare. I've been suffering from nightmares all through my sleep and woke up at dawn, just before sunrise. As soon as I got up from my seat, I crept out of the room so that the people in the sick room wouldn't wake up, and walked slowly to the desk with a light candle on. And behind the hospital desk was Kang Yu-mi, sitting on a chair and dozing off. I approach her and shake my shoulders quietly.

'Mr. Kang Yu-mi.'

Yesterday I saw the water coming out of her face and nose. And this time, even the water from the mouth could be found starkly. Kang Yu-mi, who was drooling and sleeping, opened her eyes startled as I shook her shoulders, and soon jumped out of her seat and screamed in a shrill voice. However, he hurriedly shuts his mouth and looks around as if he noticed it was dawn when the sun had not risen yet.

'I'm sorry I woke you up. Can I get a local map and my clothes?’

'Yes, yes? Are you going now?’

'It's a long way to go. We have to prepare slowly.’

You need to get some more rest.….’

She swallowed her last words quietly and nodded with a somber face. The face was full of regret and a deep longing. But she quickly shook off the expression as a kind-hearted person, and soon smiled brightly and nodded. And she went inside the desk to get my clothes.

I put a quick-made sword around my waist while she was looking for my clothes, and put the old sword that Jin-soon had handed me into the sword. If you tie it up like this, it won't come out no matter how fast you run. And the last moment I checked the equipment, the door burst open beside the desk, and Jin-soon, with a magpie's shop on her head, hurriedly put on her socks and said to me.

'Me! Me, me! The terrain here is very complicated! I'll see you off.’

My search for a local map was like the sound of leaving here soon. Knowing that, Jin-soon came to me last night to ask for something, and left the room without spitting out these two short sentences, 'Help us.' He's a good man. Perhaps he knew that I had other people and decided that he couldn't even remove his luggage. And he kept his thoughts neat all night, looking a lot refreshed.

'Here you go! I put in some food, so make sure to eat it on the way.’

And a moment later, Kang Yu-mi came out of the desk with something. She had a bag with something heavy in her hand, along with the clothes I wore, and it seems that she took care of her food despite her lack of living. I accepted them with a smile gently at the corners of my mouth, and soon put my head down on my shoulders. Then Jin-soon, who was standing next to me, said to her,

'Older sister! I'll see her off and be right back.’

What an innocent smile. The melancholy look I showed you last night had vanished like a lie. And on his face was nothing but the naivety of laughing at Kang Yu-mi. Facing the smile, Kang Yu-mi nodded gladly, and hurriedly hid the bitterness that remained in it.

Jin-soon moves her steps. I followed him and moved my steps. The bag was heavy with the food she had taken care of, and my heart became as strong as its weight. And at that moment I stopped walking and asked her away.

How much food do we have left?’

'What?'

When she heard the question, and Jin-soon, who was walking ahead of me, asked again foolishly. They were giving up. No, they didn't have it, so they gave up. It's something everyone has to do, but it's something no one can do. Conscience and humanity were the only factors that defined the object of man. And the people I'm looking at......was a real human being with only a very few left. Just as they didn't want anything from me, I wanted to repay them.

'I'd like you to come with me, but it's very dangerous because we don't have any weapons at the momentarily. Once I arrive, it will take a day to repair, and half a day to walk here. It's a long way to go, but I'll be sure to pick you up. Never go out, save your food."

I'm not a hero. I'm an ordinary person. I didn't want to show off for being able to save others, nor did I want to pretend to be a great person to them. I just calmly told you that I could save you. But the aftermath was like throwing a huge rock on a calm lake. At the moment Kang Yu-mi, who was at the desk, burst into tears, and began to cry with a strange sound. The cry was a mixture of anxiety and sorrow that had been accumulated.

I understand. It must have been hard. I didn't know when the food was going to run out, and they were looking for themselves endlessly around the city. Every day is the end and the darkness. Death, which may appear at any time, is such a pain in the neck and neck. She cried bitterly and finally collapsed, and I shrugged briefly and caught the doorknob going out of the hospital. But at that moment, I began to see a pink Kitty fur hat in front of my eyes, and I heard a hysterical cry.

"Huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.….’

Jin-soon, whom I passed by, was crying like Kang Yu-mi over there. But unlike her, she tried to hold me, reaching out her hands, and at the same time rubbing her face, covered with tears and a runny nose, against my chest. He had to hug him and comfort him in the atmosphere, but he quietly looked serious and pushed him away because he remembered the runny nose attack he had suffered from Kang Yu-mi yesterday.

'Don't stick.'

'Oh, yes.'

He is a good listener.