I'm still alive

'Leaving a house like Mandang, I'm so sad. Uh-huh, overflowing. Uh-huh, overflowing. You've got a man of gold....... I'm so sad......... Uh-huh, overflowing. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...….’

The old man looks up at the chilly clear sky and whispers a watery song. No, it wasn't just a song, it was a recitation of a han that had to let the dead go. The sound of bierless sweetness, silence all over the place, and the wind blowing quietly shook the trees and grasses as if to forget all last night's nightmares.

I reached out slowly and quietly closed the eyelids of those who had not yet closed their eyes. The hand with the unerasable blood is lost and trembling like our hearts.

Twenty-one guards were killed before dawn. However, it was the lives of more residents that 21 people traded for their own lives.

a surprise attack that no one had expected In a situation where everything was at a disadvantage, all the security forces were out of control to save the residents, and as a result, all but three seriously injured residents could be safe. They completed a mission that no one had forced until the last moment of the blockade.

People's breathless cries burst from all directions. One's own children, or parents. And among the bodies that might have been lovers, the bereaved families wet the bodies with sorrowful tears. The world, where injustice and anger are on our bones, and now the object of hatred is gone, is so fleetingly tormenting us.

I slowly rose from my seat, covering the body's face with a blanket. Then the right arm becomes heavy and the familiar Yongpal's voice is heard.

'Brother...... can't you move, okay?'

Yongpal wet his face with tears, sending them away, who once laughed and cried together. And he worries about me even in difficult situations and asks me to go to the tent quickly. But I shook my head and stubbornly refused to say it.

The smell of bandages and deadly disinfectants all over the body. There was a great deal of pain that I couldn't bear without painkillers, but I looked at the old man quietly for what I had to do before him. Then the old man nods his head with a black, dead face and gives me the answer I want.

'I'll keep my luggage to a minimum and burn the rest of the items with their bodies. Park Dae-bak, he's lighting fires here and there in the forest as a distraction, so don't worry. Now that you're ready to move, all you have to do is get people together and move.’

Many lives were lost. But we were sad and didn't even have time to let them go. Yes, last night I and my party engaged the soldiers who attacked the base camp and killed them all. That means that we can recognize our very existence on the other side. The remaining time that I had at least started to run short due to yesterday's skirmish. And I decided to recover the injured as soon as possible and move the base camp temporarily.

I ask the old man.

How long can you hold out?’

They are not groups of misconceptions or vagrants without centripetals. Although they may use smoke and fire to create a disturbance, it is only a stopgap measure. The command system and combat capability are far from sufficient to deceive an army.

I have long abandoned the idea of a head-on fight against the soldiers. We had to hide as much as we could to recover the wounded, and escape out beyond that blockade. A moment later, the old man, who had been pondering for a long time, answered my question with a determined shake of his head.

'Tonight's the limit. Unless they're idiots, we can't get through tomorrow.’

Then we only have half a day left. I've decided to plan my final mission tonight with the originally anticipated maximum limit. It's just the end, I walk with a nod and wiggle, assisted by a dragon's arm. And soon faced the old man, who had darkened, and asked for a request of sadness, not instructions.

Drop the supplies, load the bodies of the dead in the remaining positions.’

It is a stupid, inefficient, and unrealistic request. But none of these foolish and foolish men could ignore the request. The old man, who has always been rational and cool-headed, nods his head and closes his eyes quietly.

'Yes......we're all here together, so we should all go together.’

The wind is blowing. It was as cold, as cold as the dawn I saw earlier. The old man, who was quietly looking at me, soon turns his head and steps toward one side. And the group, who watched the scene quietly, quietly calls in people who were dispersing and cleaning the front and back. Now it is time to start beyond the obstacle of short sadness.

A bereaved family member who sobbed and moved the body to a handcart. Those who carefully listen to the wounded who groan in pain and join the procession. Everyone was devastated by last night's attack, but today they join forces to continue their lives. Watching the scene, I groaned from the right and said in a hoarse voice to Yong-pal, who was helping me.

'Yong-pal, it's all right now. Take care of the children and join the ranks.’

What about you?

Yong-pal still asked me with a tearful look if I was worried about my condition, but I smiled as if not to worry and gave him a slight slap on the back of his head. But even the usual pranks seem so alien in this situation.

And Yong-pal, like me, bows his head down with a gloomy face, not a smiling face. After watching the scene quietly, I comforted Yong-pal's shoulders with a small saying, "Cheer up!" and pushed him forward.

'Go ahead, I'll follow you.’

There's still work to be done before you go. Yong-pal hesitated for a long time to see if he knew there was a reason for everything I said, but eventually ran toward the ranks. And I smile at the dragon arm looking back over here and start wearing the equipment that I put down on the floor one by one.

Every time I move, the gunshot wound screams and feels the pressure of a tight bandage. But I lift my gun, chewing on the pain like a gum.

Wearing equipment and looking at the front, the newly created mobile procession was moving slowly in the direction of the old man. But I walk the other way and trudge towards the base camp where we stayed. And I quietly take the yellow zippo lighter that my face reflects out of my pocket and ignite a small flame.

Click, click.

Flame flutters at the end of the lighter with a small sound. And next to the flame, I began to see what we had to burn all of it. a pungent smell of gasoline on the tip of the nose The smell was telling me that the old man had already taken action, and that it would be over as long as I threw the lighter.

Black smoke that began to rise simultaneously from all sides at that moment. I threw the lighter without hesitation because I knew it was the starting point for Park Dae-bak's planned distraction.

in a blaze of anger

The fire burns. I took my step and began to follow the ranks of those far away. Far, like the gap between hell and reality, it feels too far away. At that moment, the clouds that were flowing through the cloudy sky quietly obscured the sunlight that was illuminating here, and the light darkness subsided for a moment in the forest.

And my heart that was beating slowly, like the dark under it, subsides slowly. My head is numb and my eyes are numb. The wounded ear is constantly ringing in the ears. At the moment, the space I am standing in reverses and a different landscape appears before my eyes.

The whole world is on fire, and the radio in the front pocket of the shirt makes a loud noise and spits out the voice of a woman who couldn't be erased from her memory.

[Are you regretting?]

When I raised my head, Lee Hye-in was looking at me with her neck half parted. She killed herself. Strangely, however, Lee did not look painful. It's been a long time since I saw you. And it's also a resentful face that can't be seen again.

By the time I realized it, I knew this was the hallucination of my eyes, but I couldn't turn a blind eye to the question with the afterglow and the exhaustion that came. It may have been a question that you wanted to ask yourself, not Lee Hye-in.

'No.'

With my resolute answer, the tottering steps follow it. The specter of the past slowly dissipates like a haze as I rush past Lee Hye-in by the tree to follow that far-sighted line.

The acrid smell of burning dead bodies and goods pierce the tip of the nose, and the black smoke blows with the damp wind and hits my face head-on. But my hallucinations are not over. Along with the radio noise, Choi Tae-sik, whose whole body was charred by burns, appears in the dark.

[You pretended to be so nice, to be righteous. After all, you're no different than me! Kwak Dong-yoon, you idiot! Look at the blood and the body beneath you!]

The floor is jagged as if walking in the mud. I constantly wash my face and wash my hands, but the blood on my body never gets erased. a burden weighing on one's shoulders; the vanity of never going back. But even all that emotion is now used to and can't hold onto my dull spirit. There's no one around. There was no one near me. So I was able to burst into tears with relief.

Kkeok, kkeok.

Tears that have not come out so far wash away my sorrow and pain slowly.

[No energy!!!] Stop searching, you son of a gun!!!]

Choi Tae-sik, burned with burns, shook the branches frantically, and went mad, but I walked past even that guy. The ringing of the ears keeps the terrible man from screaming, and the blurred vision with tears covers the pitch-dark forest like a mist.

And as I move firmly, the burning forest and dozens of hallucinations screaming for me to die disappear like snow melts. The branches of the tree are fluttering. And I kept walking in the wind.

It wasn't time to stop yet.

*

The temporary base camp, where we arrived after a two-hour journey, was the end on the outskirts of the forest. There were no hiking trails here, no villages or people nearby. Although it was a dark forest with no harm in cloudy weather, it was the best place to hide from them and soldiers. We'll hide here for a moment to sort out the wounded and wait for the sun to set. I asked Kim Chul, who replaced my bandage, to the people in front of me, saying, "Now is it."

'How much fire do we have left?’

The process of coming to the blockade and last night's skirmish must have used a considerable number of firearms. Firearms, the only weapon in a situation where we don't know what will happen in the future, are one of the things people manage first.

The lack of it meant our death, so I tried hard to swallow my bitter feelings and asked. Then Eun-te's glasses, which were sitting quietly in one place, rose from their seats and answered me at that short moment, giving out the checked documents.

'We used up most of what we had. But a lot of the soldiers who killed them had them, so I did as much as I could....... but I'm sure we'll have two bullets per person.’

Desperate voices burst out throughout the tent. And I couldn't find a sigh and spit it out while looking at the documents with the records on them. There was a mountain left to be crossed for the last time, and everything was running at its worst. No breakthrough in sight. There is only a distant and vague future ahead of us, and we have finally reached the limit.

Isn't there a way?’

I asked people, handing over the documents powerlessly. an unexpectedly heavily guarded blockade There was not enough means to fight, and there were many families with us. And most of the people gathered in the tent, bowing their heads to the question of whether they feel the same vague feeling as me, and grinding their tired minds and bodies. But at that moment the old man, who was quietly closing his eyes on one side, answered in a hoarse voice.

'Let's do what they want.’

'What?'

It was a short sentence, so I couldn't infer the meaning. While listening to the story on one side, Yong-pal unknowingly asked back, and we also turned to the elderly and remained silent to hear the details.

Then the old man opened his closed eyes and slowly washed his hands dry. A hair that has turned into thick wrinkles and gray hair. The old man carrying as heavy a burden as I did looked a little hard.

'We're just armed spies to them anyway. I hear the bosses seem to know who we are....... I can't count on the conscience of the bastards. So let's just do what they want us to do.'

Let's do what they want. The old man's words were to turn us into enemies as defined by them. The party was startled and roared as if they didn't know what to say, but I could sense that the old man's intentions were accurately captured and his whole body was under pressure.

The heat that started from the tip of your foot touches your head. The despair of whispering to give up disappeared in an instant. And in the roar of the people, the old man quietly raises his head and continues his last words.

'Let's gather all the firearms and set up a star band. And we attack the containment area first, and then we become armed guards ourselves. Once the battle begins, the eyes will naturally be drawn to it, and the boundaries of the last smuggling route will be weakened. If that's the way it works...….’

The old man slowly clouded his words and began to face the people one by one with stony eyes. And the eyeball, which was circling among the people, finally stops at me and gets a firm commitment. The old man's last sentence was concluded by me.

'People can get out of there.’

The tents fluttered, and a fierce wind swept through us.