I'm still alive

'The good times are over.’

The old man begins to grumble, wearing a shiny new walker. Of course, his face, unlike his words, had a happy smile on it, and he had a wonderful glow on the walker. I smiled faintly, packing up new equipment.

A team of vagrants was set up last night. The old man was there, so he immediately expressed his intention to participate, and the Yongpal brothers talked in person afterwards. Of course, Yong-pal showed signs of hesitation at first, but soon nodded before the irresistible proposal.

We decided to take the front line freely for our respective precious people and company.

And now, I write a late diary and think about what happened yesterday for a moment.

The head of the group was a man of short temper, unlike his appearance. As soon as the meeting was over, we had to move quickly to our quarters and the party was embarrassed by the sudden move, but when I didn't say much, they followed me without a murmur.

The accommodation that we were assigned to was the main building where the head of the group lived. There were subtle lights in every corridor and guards were on high alert, even though it was late at night. The heavy vigilance was both burdensome and reassuring.

This time, only two accommodations on the first floor were allocated, but even that was filled with many rooms. After putting the children and women in need of care in one room, men who woke up early in the morning or went out frequently decided to sleep in the other room.

There was a private bathroom and even a small refrigerator that ate less electricity to wash itself in the accommodation, not in the public shower. Of course, it's just a facility compared to the end of the year, but under the current circumstances, it was almost like a suite.

The women hesitated for a while due to the sudden change in the atmosphere of the accommodation, but soon they were busy looking around to see if the facilities were interesting. And the children started to run around on the bed as if they had already thrown away the awkwardness and eventually went to bed after hearing a word from the old man.

This is the end of my imagination.

I tied up my shoelaces and remembered the small happiness. If bone and flesh were the source of my body, this memory was a prop that connected my mind to the full. The tension and fear that binds me when I am in a happy memory disappear at that moment.

Today, we're safe.

I slowly rose from my seat, reciting quietly. When I raised my head, the old man and the Yongpal brothers were still looking at me and we walked shoulder to shoulder, as always.

* * * * * *

There have been many changes in a short time. The search troupes, which had always been swarming at the main gate, disappeared and the chairs she was sitting frowning on were also disappeared. And the tent barracks, which had always been there, hid itself today.

Thank you for your hard work this morning.’

Today, instead of Kim Hye-jung, silver-rimmed glasses greeted us. She wondered where she might have come to go, but soon she quickly brushed it off. The silver-rimmed glasses looked at our attire for a moment, then made a big gesture toward the guard post.

Then the door of the guard post opened and two men began running with large bags. The silver-rimmed glasses lifted up the glasses once and soon accepted the bag he had brought and put it down on the floor. And when I opened the zipper and checked inside, I saw something unexpected.

It's a gun.

The old man sat quietly crouching in front of his bag, reeking his appetite. It was not an old carbine or a police revolver that was given to the search team, but a rifle, the standard Korean standard. The condition looked good, and above all, there were more ammunition than I thought.

Kim Hye-jung, the equipment she wanted so much. But ironically, when she left, we could get the right guns. But the reaction between the old man and me was never. Of course a gun is a threatening weapon enough. But what we needed was a quiet weapon, not a threatening one.

As recorded dozens of times in the diary, using a noisy gun was like committing suicide. Why are we so happy to find Crossbow? As I looked at the gun with a love-hate look, the silver-rimmed glasses told us with a slightly perplexed look.

'Don't you like it? As you know, Korea is...….’

'No.'

I quietly cut off my silver-rimmed glasses and took two guns out of my bag. And one of them took the sword and gave it to Yongpal, and I took the other. It would be easy to use a gun, but it wasn't useless in itself. A gun will do its job just by pointing it at it.

Is there anything special you need to do?’

My question had a lot of implications. Words told us to do as we please, but it was something we might change later. I wanted to know exactly whether we could engage in completely individual activities and if there were no other restrictions.

'The head of the organization said that Dong-yoon should make all judgments.’

The silver-rimmed glasses answered with a voice that seemed certain, and I stood for a long time, making eye contact with such silver-rimmed glasses, and finally nodded. Then the guards who brought silver-rimmed glasses and guns greeted us and slowly moved away from the main gate.

I looked at the radio in my hand. And as I looked at the front gate again, the guard at the guard in the guard post was looking at me. Now you can open that door without having to go through anyone. We warmed ourselves up slowly and heightened the tension.

And as soon as I turned on the radio, a familiar voice came from behind me.

'Excuse me! Just a minute!’

I felt as if I had blown the balloon to the limit. We looked back with a bit of irritation, feeling the tension coming out. Then there was Kim Hye-jeong, who was dressed differently than usual, rushing here.

a tight-fitting dress And I wore a headscarf and gloves and a tough walker. And with a rifle and a bayonet that she didn't know where she got it, she was fully armed to start at any moment. As soon as she arrived in front of us, she breathed out a harsh breath and took a breath.

'What's wrong with you?’

I couldn't guess why she called me after finishing this armament. The search team she was leading disbanded last night and she would naturally be assigned to another person. But she was looking at us as if she were going to start her search team.

'I......'

When she had finished breathing, she tried to speak out in a hurry, but her eyes met with me. Then, she kept her mouth shut as if she was a mute, and the atmosphere became quite awkward because she was different from her usual self. I checked my wristwatch and urged her to answer.

'We have to leave.’

At my cold response, she dropped her head, shaking her eyes. Then, he breathes out as if he has made up his mind, and then tightens his head-covering hood. The eyes below the head were full of firm and distinct beliefs.

'Please put me in the team.’

It was an unexpected offer. We couldn't say anything for a while and just stared at her silently. But as time passed, I came to my senses and shook my head first, and the old man next to me replied in a cold voice.

'No.'

'......yes?'

She looks at the old man with a blank look, as if she didn't know he would be rejected. Then he stammered and began to appeal himself with a strong protest. The gun she's holding moves in disorder before her eyes.

'Well, well, I've been discharged from the military! I know how to shoot. And....'

After talking for a long time, she suddenly shut her mouth shut. Or maybe he found a small glass wall lying between us and himself. She could look at us through the glass but could not reach out and touch us.

The distance from her was one meter, but the distance we felt was even farther.

Of course, her ability was excellent. At first, he was tough, but later he had the flexibility to show a change in attitude. Also, I had faith for my colleague and responsibility for the team. The anger shown that day beating the young man was by no means false.

But that wasn't enough.

It was between me and the old man, and it was not in her between the Yongpal brothers and us. She might have thought of us as a simple team. But we don't think of each other as just a team.

Belief that there will be a party there even if my back is empty. A bond that accumulates like a grain of sand beyond death and death. This is neither friendship nor love. And it was too dry to describe as comradeship, but it didn't fly easily in the wind.

Something was a subtle bond that was indescribable in writing.

She read the conviction in my eyes. So he slowly drops his head without continuing his words. Her walkers and equipment were glossy and her guns were wonderfully managed, so clean. Maybe he was preparing for this moment all night.

But I turned her down so coldly. This was not a children's prank, nor was it a beautiful fairy tale in which good companions met each other. It was just in the midst of the cruel history, the heartless reality recorded in this diary. I turned my head and took out the radio.

'Team Chae Yeon is leaving.’

On the radio, guards waved their arms hurriedly at the watchtower with a double whirring sound. Then the other guards, who received the signal, rushed to somewhere and soon the front door began to open with a heavy sound. We walked shoulder to shoulder and again.

It's snowing.

Yongpal looked back as he walked to the main gate to see if Kim Hye-jung was still bothered. I scratched my head looking at such a dragon.

Are you still there?’

I was worried, but I felt a little sorry to look back. So I asked Yong-pal quietly, and Yong-pal, who was looking sideways, looked back again and soon looked ahead, pretending to be nothing. And whispered quietly at me.

'Stand right where you are.’

The old man giggles.

I got dumped by Dong-yoon.’

The old man quietly escapes from his seat as I stab him in the waist with my elbow. And with the sound of the front door closing, we were completely out of Eden. As I was walking, I took a map out of my bag and fell into thought for a moment, and an old man nearby snapped at me passing words.

'We need more men.’

I fixed my eyes on the map as if I hadn't heard the old man. But while looking at the map, the old man's words that lingered in his ears did not leave his head. As long as he is in charge of the vagrant team, adding more personnel was one of the inevitable tasks. Even if it was flying and long, there were only four of us, and there is a limit to this small team someday.

In fact, Kim Hye-jung would be the most likely candidate if she were to get a new teammate. The biggest factor was that she expressed her intention to join the team, and her ability was also quite outstanding. If you team up with us, you'll grow into a reliable team member.

But the hesitation, the hesitation, caught me. The identity didn't open my heart as if it were the anxiety hidden in the mist. The old man was throwing his mind at me as if nothing was wrong to know my hesitation.

I folded the map. My head didn't move when I was about to think. In this case, it is better to set a goal and take steps slowly. When I folded the map, the old man who was looking at me carefully came up to his side and asked.

'So you have a place in mind?

'Yes.'

It was good to say, but right now, it was hopeless. You have to know who you are to find and fight when you're in front of your eyes. As long as you don't wear your face leather as vagrants, looking for them was no different from looking for pieces of glass in the sand of the beach.

I need a clue. A small clue to connect the logic scattered everywhere. I took the crossbow in front of me and moved my steps in the designated direction. The party quietly shuts up and follows me, just as it is natural to follow me.

Shelter wasn't just Eden. Last night I figured out all the locations of the shelves I was interacting with Eden, including Soyul Yeo-sang, who had been ruined. Sometimes there were four shelves that could be reached and two that could not be reached.

Now that vagrants are widely distributed throughout the city, there will be victims in other shelves. All suffering and fear leave scars, not distinguishing the living from the dead. I intend to scrape every trace of the vagrants out of the scar.

It would be a little long trip, but my steps were never heavy.