Infinite Life: Trapped in a lifetime

The familiar feeling of falling brought Mo Dao back to his consciousness.

Opening his eyes again, the most familiar sight came into view again.

When I was 18 years old,

Classroom in the senior high school classroom.

The sound of the ceiling fan whirring overhead,

The pages of books, tables and chairs were in silence, with the occasional sound of turning and moving.

As the chalk dispersed into white dust, there was a thumping sound as it landed on the blackboard.

Outside the window, the hot summer wind blows in the sunshine, making the colors appear deep, and the branches and leaves of the trees beside the open-air basketball court are rustling.

The teacher is writing on the blackboard,

Students are copying along or staring at the blackboard in a daze.

On the edge of the blackboard, there is a countdown to the college entrance examination.

All these scenes are already very familiar to Mo Dao.

But the familiar scene at this moment couldn't calm Mo Dao's mind.

The countdown that was reset again before his eyes appeared after Mo Dao concentrated his attention, and then disappeared temporarily after he turned his attention away.

Almost as soon as I returned to this familiar moment,

Mo Dao couldn't suppress it in his heart, and he kept having some violent emotions.

His body didn't make any unusual movements, he was just a little stiff.

But his eyes were becoming bloodshot at a speed visible to the naked eye.

He was almost instantly overwhelmed by the ruthless and endless negative emotions pouring out of his chest.

It made him want to go crazy and tear everything in sight.

I want to completely break his inertia as a normal person.

Starting over from the second time,

Mo Dao realized that there was an abyss-like problem lying in front of him, chasing him from behind.

And he has been avoiding that problem,

In fact, it is escaping from oneself.

Only now, after having just completed a life-long goal that spanned several lives,

This mental abyss still caught up with him.

The question is - 'When will he realize that everything he has done is in vain?'

Even without having to investigate, Mo Dao knew,

The Kerner who was changed by the Kerner youth no longer exists in this world.

There is also no Qin Huaishi who has been with him all his life.

He changed a country,

He left the most solid footprints in this world,

But these are all in vain, even meaningless.

No matter what he does, no matter how much he does,

When the countdown crosses the end,

All traces of his legacy will be erased again.

He will be slapped back to where he was.

It was like he was running hard on a Möbius strip,

No matter how fast he ran, it was meaningless.

It's like painting on a canvas that will constantly erase its traces,

What's worse is that the content of the painting is still his life.

Mo Dao's eyes became redder and redder, so that his stiff body was trembling.

The abyss of emotion still overwhelmed him.

If reason is a tight thread.

Now Mo Dao feels like he is going crazy.

His irritable mood, which wants to tear everything around him apart, is almost uncontrollable.

Even a little angry.

These emotions don’t appear in one moment.

It is accumulated over and over again in a long life.

Even if you are escaping from the abyss of problems,

But from the first time he noticed this psychological abyss,

In fact, I already know what it is,

I just always don’t think about it even if I’m trying to escape,

But those emotions don’t go away.

All in vain.

He is in this world, but he is incompatible with it.

He is detached from this world and at the same time isolated from it.

All his desperate struggles are actually meaningless.

In a sense,

Whether it is the life goal he has found for himself or anything else.

Actually it doesn't make any sense.

Even if he is tinkering with the world,

There is no way to change anything.

This is an abyss with no bottom,

It is the deepest despair.

And what was beneficial to him in the beginning was his memory ability and thinking ability that were strengthened every time he was reborn.

This moment is like a boomerang,

The clear memory allows him to distinguish the memories of each life clearly.

And such a clear memory also makes the futility I feel particularly clear.

Even now he is letting this violent emotion overwhelm his reason,

There's no point in driving yourself crazy.

In the long, reciprocating cage of time,

Sooner or later he will wake up from his violent and crazy state,

Then... nothing will change.

Even if he frantically tells everyone that he can start over again in life,

It doesn't make sense, seriously, everything will return to this moment,

Even if he burst out madly because he wanted to tear everything in front of him,

Beat all living and dead things around him to pieces.

When everything happens, it will still be this classroom, this class, at this moment.

Even Qin Huai's poems

At this moment, Qin Huaishi seemed to be with him in a classroom,

But it's actually a world apart.

Mo Dao is outside the world, and Qin Huaishi is just a part of this world where no matter what Mo Dao does, it is all in vain.

Even if Mo Dao and Qin Huaishi were together for a lifetime, three rooms...one hundred rooms could not change this.

The traveler Mo Dao, the legendary reporter Mo Dao, the general Mo Dao,

Mo Dao, the spiritual figure of the Kerner youth... Mo Dao was indeed suffering from an indescribable and inescapable pain at this moment.

Mo Dao's breathing was a little heavy because he couldn't help it.

All the muscles in his body could not stop tightening.

"...Can I borrow a pencil sharpener?"

A low, nervous girl's voice sounded from behind,

Mo Dao paused for a moment.

But it was difficult for Mo Dao to break free from the pain at this moment.

because,

Even this sentence...Mo Dao has heard it many times.

"Mo Dao, are you okay?"

Mo Dao didn't look back, but the voice of the girl Qin Huaishi behind him was a little more worried.

"..."

Huai Shi, I feel so uncomfortable.

But Mo Dao didn't make any sound,

He just reached out and handed the pencil sharpener that the girl Qin Huaishi wanted to her.

Then he sat in his seat without saying anything or making any other movements.

Behind him, Qin Huaishi held a pencil sharpener, but did not sharpen the pencil.

He kept looking at Mo Dao, a little worried.

She didn't know what happened to Mo Dao suddenly.

But she could tell that Mo Dao was not in a good mood.

Mo Dao next to it,

Fu Hui, who yawned a little during class, also noticed that something was wrong with Mo Dao's mood.

Looking at Mo Dao's appearance, he was shocked.

"Brother Mo, what's wrong?"

Lowering his voice, Fu Hui also asked.

Mo Dao had no reaction.

It's like a stone thrown in this classroom.

Fu Hui looked at Mo Dao and didn't ask any more questions.

…

Throughout the whole day, Mo Dao almost sat in his original position.

Let the teachers come and go in the classroom,

Students go from being quiet in class to being noisy during recess, and the cycle starts again.

Mo Dao continued to remain silent.

…

Study by yourself at night.

"...Hey, Brother Mo, you have returned to the classroom so early...Brother Mo, you haven't eaten lunch or dinner, right?"

"..."

That day's evening self-study was going on like that.

"...Hey, by the way. Brother Mo, what university are you going to study in later, and what major are you going to major in?"

"...I kind of want to be a teacher, but I will choose biology."

Qin Huaishi looked at Mo Dao,

Some were worried about Mo Dao's condition today, and seemed to be looking forward to Mo Dao's answer.

Mo Dao listened to the voice of the young girl Qin Huaishi and looked at Qin Huaishi in silence.

"Brother Mo, what about you?"

My deskmate Fu Hui asked Mo Dao again.

"I have no idea."

Mo Dao responded like this and fell into silence again.