Irium

How the heck does a meteor literally fall out in front of me? I mean, COME ON!

"What happened there?"

"What is that thing?"

"I can't see it. What are you talking about?"

"It's dangerous here, kid."

I can hear those kinds of voices coming from behind. Now, wait! Think about this a little. We all would have been dead by now if it was a meteor. Okay, so it can't be a meteor. But then what else just falls in the middle of the road and cause an impact enough for bicycles to go flying and bicyclers to start crying.

No, I am not crying. Who would cry right now? It's not like I just missed the opportunity to make that fat woman respect me once in my life. No, no, why the hell would I possibly cry?

"Hey, are you okay? Why are you crying?"

Didn't you just hear the monologue? Oh wait, monologues are meant to not be heard. Okay, you live another day, unimportant character-san.

"What? Did someone die in that crash?" The guy says in a voice that, for whatever reason, sounds a bit sarcastic.

Listen, unimportant character-san, stay unimportant. I have an itsy-bitsy feeling any character that'd be important will be getting pummeled by me sometime soon.

"Answer me, moron." The voice came again and I, irritated enough by it, turned to look at it. And that is when one of the greatest plot twists of all time happened. This unimportant character – turned out to not be unimportant – he was just worthless. He was Shinji, I mean, Danny.

"Awww, poor Irium! Just look at the pathetic state he is in." he says while laughing quite satisfactorily. "At least he's in a better state than his bicycle. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

My bicycle? Oh yeah, there was that thing. Where is it?

I try to look for my bicycle, and then I find it. Furthermore, it was in my hands all along. And yes, a bicycle whose surface area is probably bigger than me … is in my hands. Well, at least, what's left of it is. And since it has been in my hand all along, you can guess the part that's left.

It's the goddamn handle.

"Poor Iri-" and so I put the handle to the best use I had left for it – using it as a baseball bat and the person standing beside as the ball. To be more exact, I used his … a particular part that comes between two long things and below a large thing and is kinda … personal, yeah, I used that as the ball.

Anyway, now that that is taken care of, what the hell was it that hit the road?

"Who summoned me?" A voice comes, a voice of a woman. And then from the dust that is all around us ever since whatever it was that hit the road hit the goddamn road, a figure emerges. This figure looks like that of a woman (I don't think it's possible for men to have curves like that) and she has … what the heck, she has wings.

"What's going on here?" I wonder it out loud and as Danny hears it, he smirks.

"Bastard! W-what's going on here is the aftermath of a successful summoning." He laughs (or tries to) while still holding his … private part (yeah, this book is staying pg-13 whether you like it or not).

"Oookkaaaayyy" I stretch the word sarcastically. "Now explain to me what's actually going on?"

"Ha!" he forcefully cackles which probably increased his pain down there as he reacts to it first and then, "Are you an anime protagonist? How the hell are you so dumb? I just explained it to you."

"What nonsense are you spouting? Is Goku the only anime protagonist you have ever seen?" I smirk proudly at the foolish half-weeb at my left holding his private part. "Light Yagami was an anime protagonist too."

For whatever reason I decided that making that argument was more important than getting the answer to the previous question, that is not important. What is important is the fact that anime protagonists shouldn't be labeled as 'dumb' just because of Goku. Doing so is prejudice against anime protagonists.

"Cease your gibberish, humans." The voice of that woman comes again who, by this point, has come out of the dust clouds and come into my view.

Now, on better inspection, this woman is quite something. Her face is heart-shaped and almond-shaped-green eyes are present on the face like ornaments. That is complimented by a straight nose and a mouth very symmetrical to the rest of the face. She also has stunning red hair quite akin to Rias Gremory from Highschool DxD, and that hair has been made into long, side-swept bangs. Her skin is so pale that one might call it milky and is wearing a shiny light-green-colored and a very complicatedly designed dress. She also has wings (what the hell is going on) on her back which are of pure white-feathery color and stretched enough to cover the width of a car from its front, in both sides. Aside from that, I can guess that she is 5'5, an inch shorter than me.

Now tell me, Author, what excuse do you have for going into so much detail for this woman's description and leaving Danny with just a 'Shinji' remark?

I mean, that's so mean! Why would you even create a Shinji in the first place?

"Now answer me, who is the one who summoned me?" the woman asked in a sweet but serious voice.

"I-I am." Says Danny holding his private part.

"Don't lie to me. I know that a human had summoned me?" she chides Danny to which,

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?" Asks Danny by yelling it out loud.

"Hm." The woman looks him from up-to-down and then from down-to-up once and says, "I'm confused. This is only the second time I have been summoned to earth so I am still ignorant about this, but are you a monkey or a baboon?"

"He's a monkey. Baboons are bigger." Since Danny wouldn't have answered honestly, I do it for him. And hearing my answer, the woman nods and says, "I see, I see."

"Well, anyway, since he isn't the one who summoned me as I know a human did, it must be you."

Wow! That's so logical, isn't it? This woman definitely has, like, 167 IQ.

"Now come with me as this place is too dirty to talk in." the woman who made the place dirty says so and grabs my arms after which,

"Wait, what!?"

I find myself in the air.

*****