Just Want to Be His Lover

“What’s there to explain?” 

Shen Jue’s lazy and nonchalant voice travelled from the other end of the door, cutting Xia Meng’s words off. 

“You also witnessed it at the hospital back then. The reporter deserved to be beaten up. Moreover, with Gu Yanshu’s mother’s condition, letting her believe that I was homophobic would make her feel more at ease, and she wouldn’t make things too difficult for Gu Yanshu.” 

The tip of Gu Yanshu’s fingers, which were still on the iron door handle, started to feel numb. 

The hospital. 

Reporters. 

Making things difficult. 

Indeed, he had seen that reporter once in the hospital. 

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The negative news blew up a storm, causing a flurry of activity, as the entire internet ridiculed them. 

Even Gu Yanshu’s mother, who was in the hospital waiting to do an operation, was dragged down into the matter. 

Gu Yanshu still remembered the day that he’d received notification about his mother’s worsening condition. When he rushed to the hospital, he was met with a reporter taking those pictures, interrogating the frail and pale-looking woman on the hospital bed. 

“May I know your views on the rumours about your son being a kept man?” 

“Gu Yanshu is so young, yet he gave up his education to enter the entertainment industry. Does this suggest an unhealthy desire towards money and fame?” 

“It’s said that Gu Yanshu came from a single-parent family. Could he have lacked a male figure in his life, hence leading to his homosexual tendencies?” 

“Have you ever educated him about the risks of AIDs from same-sex intercourse?”

Question after question, all of them cold, sharp and debased. 

For the first time, Gu Yanshu felt the urge to become violent. 

But he didn’t want to lose his temper in front of his mother, hence he pushed down the anger in his heart and calmly invited the reporter out of the room. 

Even now, he could remember the pain from clenching his fists so tightly so that he could suppress his urge. 

Hence, when the reporter repeated his act the next day, Shen Jue directly grabbed the man’s collar, smashed his microphone, and blatantly reprimanded and insulted the man for being disgusting. At that moment, Gu Yanshu actually felt appeased. 

He was disgusted by the reporter too. 

Using the most vicious and vile intentions to make assumptions about others for no reason, holding biases towards things that one didn’t understand, stepping on one’s privacy and pain, just to present a feast of discussion and attract others to participate. 

Such media and such audiences were both repulsive. 

However, at that time, he didn’t know that Shen Jue had actually followed him to the hospital, and had even seen that reporter. 

Hence, he also didn’t know that the disgust that Shen Jue spoke about was the same disgust he felt in his heart. 

He only thought that Shen Jue was unwilling to be labelled a homosexual. 

Now that he thought about it, all this time, Shen Jue had never publicly expressed any homophobic comments, nor had he disrespected any of the sexual minorities. 

The only time he heard this word was two days ago, when he was changing, and his tone was even self-deprecating. 

Hence, Shen Jue really wasn’t homophobic.

It was only because immediately after the incident, his identity was revealed, the group was disbanded, and he didn’t get along with Gu Yanshu, that the public thought that he was homophobic. 

And at that time, Shen Jue was criticized by the entire internet for being violent, crude, discriminating, a bully, and ill-mannered, but he didn’t even explain himself once. 

Because he really didn’t care. And also because he was also willing to let others think that he was homophobic so that he could indirectly help Gu Yanshu clarify the rumours, and the latter wouldn’t be put in a spot in front of his mother. 

Gu Yanshu remembered his mother’s reaction that day. She really lost control of her emotions, to the point that it was terrifying. 

In his memory, his mother was always gentle, graceful and beautiful. She knew how to play the piano, knew how to speak Russian, could sing many folk songs, and even when she was sick, she would smile gently. 

But that day, his mother was sobbing uncontrollably, grabbing his hand, and used her unique motherly sorrow to beg him. 

She said that she didn’t want to undergo treatment anymore. She didn’t need Gu Yanshu to become a celebrity to earn money, and she didn’t want him to have any more contact with Shen Jue. She didn’t want him to live such a difficult life, and she couldn’t accept that her son might have an abnormal relationship with another man. 

She cried so sadly and so depressedly, Gu Yanshu didn’t know why she had suddenly acted this way. He could only allow her to cry and console her, then explain time after time that those were rumours, that he didn’t plagiarise, wasn’t involved in any shady deals, and wasn’t with Shen Jue. However, the effects were minimal. 

During that period, her physical and mental conditions were terrible. Every day, she would pay attention to the entertainment news. Sometimes, she would cry alone, sometimes she would hug Gu Yanshu and say that she let him down, sometimes she would pull Gu Yanshu and make him promise that he wouldn’t like men. Her emotions were extremely unstable. 

The doctor had expressed on multiple occasions that if this continued, she wouldn’t be able to hold on for long. 

It was only after he had successfully ended his contract, not appearing with Shen Jue, and news about Shen Jue’s homophobia gaining more traction, causing the rumours to be dispelled, that his mother’s condition slowly stabilised. 

Later on, following his successful application back in school and his excellent high school results, his return to the stage, and the negative rumours started clearing up, his mother’s condition became increasingly better, and her operation was very successful. 

However, it remained an illness that could never be fully cured, so this summer, his mother left him. 

But in the days before she left, she remained that gentle and beautiful mother who hoped that her son would have a blissful life. 

To her, that was the more gentle outcome that could be achieved in her limited lifespan. 

Gu Yanshu finally knew why the night when the Shen family’s car came to pick up Shen Jue, and he had held Shen Jue back, not wanting him to leave, Shen Jue had caressed his head and said, “Be good. Go back. Don’t let the family worry.” 

At that time, he thought that Shen Jue wasn’t willing to let the Shen family worry, but it turned out that he didn’t want to let Gu Yanshu’s mother worry about him. 

Thinking of this, Shen Jue suddenly thought that a private hospital wasn’t that good either. The sanitizers were of so bad quality that the smell was overpowering, causing the corners of his eyes to itch and hurt. 

However, there were still some things that he didn’t understand. 

If that was really the case… 

Why wasn’t Shen Jue willing to explain it to him? 

Why was it that when he had said in the fit of anger that he didn’t want to see him anymore, they really didn’t meet anymore? 

And why did he suddenly appear again, and his attitude was as though they were still close, and had never been apart these few years?

Gu Yanshu’s mind was in a mess. 

It seemed as though the answer was right before his eyes, but when he tried to catch it, it was just a plate of loose sand.