Kenkyo, Kenjitsu o Motto ni Ikite Orimasu

This year’s excursion was to Kamakura.

A city! It’s finally a city! Goodbye, mountain climbing! Or so I thought until I heard that, yep, we were going to be hiking. To think that even Kamakura had hiking…

But well, I guess I was already kinda prepared for that. The real problem was the food.

After spending the whole gruelling morning on hiking, next was returning to the reserved hotel banquet hall to have lunch together as a whole grade. I was told that we were going to have seafood. Seafood is great stuff.

The problem comes after. Apparently it’s Suiran tradition to have the External Students of each class gather together to prepare some kind of skit for the lunch. Like a baptism of sorts for them.

But a skit! And in front of three-hundred odd people! It’s a total punishment game.

When the Externals in my class heard about it, all of them went deathly pale. Not like I don’t understand though.

After asking around a bit, apparently the previous years were pretty much all choirs and concerts, with the occasional dance or magic trick. A few oddballs apparently banded together to recite Japanese waka poetry or haikus, too.

That day, each time we had spare time, the Externals would group together and plan for the lunch skit. Mn, for things like this you have to decide what to do first after all.

“Can’t we just sing something?”

“But whatever would we sing? And would it be possible to sing loudly enough for a large hall such as this?”

“But that makes it even harder to see a skit.”

Hmm~ Looks like they’re having trouble.

Satomi-kun and I called out to them.

“How goes it? Have you yet agreed upon anything?”

They all shook their heads at me with troubled expressions.

“Apparently most people just sing or perform on instruments,” I added.

“But it’d be difficult to bring instruments…”

“I believe it quite possible to have them loan you at least a piano or a guitar. And the hall is furnished with a screen so with a microphone small magic tricks or juggling should be possible.”

“Really!?”

Looks like they had more options now.

“By the way, what’s the most popular thing for us to do?”

“From what I hear, some students with particular confidence in their singing voices decided to sing Nessun Dorma. Apparently they were met with quite an applause, and were called the Three Tenors of Suiran or somesuch. They were so popular in fact that the popularity of doing mini operas sky-rocketed in the following years, or so the story goes.”

“Opera…”

“The Three Tenors…? But if there were only three singers, what was everybody else doing?”

“Lighting and sound, it seems.”

“Having it focused around one person might not be a bad idea.”

“However, pushing the pressure onto a single classmate is not ideal, so generally things of more equal participation are expected. The exceptions are only when somebody is particularly talented at something.”

“Talent…”

They looked at each other. Unfortunately none of them seemed to be superstars of any sort. They all looked a little crestfallen.

“Dances are popular too but it kinda depends on how tired each class is after the hike,” advised Satomi-kun.

Yeah~ If it were me I’d be half dead after all the walking.

“But there’s been all kinds of dances too. Stuff from proper dances, to waltzing to piano music or something.”

“I’ve never waltzed before.”

“Me neither… Outside of folk dancing at school, I’ve never really…”

Folk dancing, huh. If somebody did like an Oklahoma Mixer, I’d probably end up laughing.

Ah, maybe a Mayim Mayim would be more exciting?

It turned out to be a unanimous vote against folk dancing. After long deliberation, they chose on the safe option of choir singing.

*

They immediately went to practice after school but the kids from the other classes were thinking the same thing obviously, so it was quite a scramble for the piano. After all, whether for choir or concert performances, the piano is a key part, right?

The music rooms in the high school section weren’t enough so I went and negotiated with the school. In the end I got permission for them to use the middle school ones as well.

“You’re amazing. You got us permission to use the middle school rooms? Umm, I guess you used your power as a Pivoine, right?” asked a girl hesitantly.

Hmmm. I can’t really say. When I went talked to the teacher I was just like,

“Say, since you made me take up the class rep position and all, just lending me a room or two is nothing, riight?”

so I’m pretty sure I wasn’t demanding anything. Mn. That sounds right. It was just a request.

“I should think it was because the school cooperates with its students,” I smiled.

Please don’t look at me so suspiciously.

Anyway, I was pushing for them to sing gospel music but they were like “We don’t have enough people for that…” and refused. Hm, do you really need that many people? I mean, the Three Tenors of Suiran managed, so can’t you get loud enough if you try? I was so sure it’d be popular too.

In the end they chose something easy. Well, it’s a song I quite like anyway, so it’s all good I guess.

After entrusting the key to the music rooms to the External students, I headed for the Pivoine. Just to be safe, I’ll check up on the Externals once more before I go home later.

On the way, I bumped into Katsuragi Boy in the hallway.

“Ah! Why the hell are you in the middle school!”

I checked the hallway in all directions. Hmm~ Nobody seems to be here. Alright.

“OWWW!”

I sentenced the rude little junior to a facial noogie.

I didn’t hold back at all so I’m sure it hurt quite a bit. Since he we were the same height though, he pulled me off rather easily.

“What the fuck are you doing, violent woman!?”

“Is that how you address a senior? My, such a dullard, you poor thing. I henceforth name you Birdboy. The bird-brained Birdboy.”

“Fuck you!”

“My, are you not satisfied? Then go learn some manners and I shall promote you back to a full human once more. Well then, gokigen’yoh, Birdboy-kun.”

I walked away with a HO HO HO! when I heard the idiot call out,

“A bitch like you will never be worthy of Enjou-san!”

So of course I headed right back.

“W-What are you doing?”

Since he had his guard high, I kicked him in the shin.

“OWWWWW!!”

Hurt, didn’t it. Even the legendary warrior monk Benkei would cry from a shin kick.

“Truuly such a cretinous bird. Worry not. I have no feelings towards Enjou-sama at all. I will not get in the way of your love for him. Society still has much progress to be made towards completely understanding homosexuality, but there is no harm in fantasising as you please. Do as you deign appropriate.”

“Wha-, I’m not-”

OHOHOHOHOHO, I can’t heaar youuu~

With that, I left my mentally challenged kouhai behind.

*

The Externals in each class continued to practice each day.

One time in the hallway, I caught sight of Wakaba-chan running around covered in some weird cloth, but, eh, don’t tell me it’s really some dress-up skit!?

“One time in the hallway, I caught sight of Wakaba-chan running around covered in some weird cloth, but, eh, don’t tell me it’s really some dress-up skit!?”

Kasou Taishou: Kasou Taishou is a semi-annual show on NTV in which various amateur groups perform short skits, which are rated by a panel of judges. Especially in recent years, many of the skits have revolved around clever methods of “faking” cinematic special effects on a live stage. The show is hosted by Kinichi Hagimoto and Shingo Katori. Worldwide, the most famous of these skits, and among the most successful at “fake special effects” was a skit which is widely known as “Matrix ping pong”.