Leave A Scar

Days passed and blurred together; research spiked with the fear of being hunted again. It all went in a cycle, until the day I feared, regretted most appeared. I didn't even realize it, when the date came around. I tried to meet each day with a smile, but when Edward said what he said... I nearly broke, right in front of him.

"Happy birthday."

Ed smiled at me, and I saw his hand clench subtly. Before I could see what he held, his hands disappeared behind his back, and his head bowed a little, hair going into golden eyes and red tinting his face.

"I-I remember your birthday was a few days after mine."

I just watched, waiting for something to happen. Ed handed me a small box, and at first I felt my heart stop. Then I noticed the length and thinness of it, feeling incredibly stupid as I took it from him. Like he would be proposing.

"More than a few days, Ed." I replied, glancing up at him as I positioned my hands on the box's lid. "Our birthdays are over a year and one month apart."

Ed just shrugged, his attention on the unopened gift in my hands.

So, with nothing else to do, I opened the box. And I stared, a tinge of color surely tainting my cheeks.

I fidgeted, trying to put it on. But my hands shook and the necklace's loop was too delicate for hands so destructive.

Ed helped, and with my hands hovered near his, he secured the necklace around me.

His smile didn't let up, even when his hands delicately hovered near my waist. Both of us heading out the door, and I nearly jumped out of my skin, not expecting Al's triumphant cheer.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Thankfully, unlike Edward's day, no confetti was thrown. I smiled through, despite my hair raising in fear.

A box was presented to me, one just as small as his older brother's.

I opened it up. A dumbfounded expression came to me, and I laughed nervously. "You... Both got me necklaces."

Ed glowered, one hand half-raised in a fist as he turned to his younger brother. "You tin head, where'd you get the money to buy her something like that?"

"Well every time you gave me money to do something fun, I kept it."

"That's so sweet of you, Al!" I said. "You really didn't have to save your money like that."

I looked at the two necklaces, one I was currently wearing and one begging to be worn, momentarily torn on what to do. I could tell they were wondering, too, and before the tension built any further, I picked Al's out of its holder.

"Here, I'll wear both."

And just like before, Ed helped. Hooking the necklace around me and hooking the lines together. With a few exchanges of where we were headed, we exited the room. Ed turned to me, leaning until he was in front my view. His hand extended towards my upper ċhėst, an immediate blush settling to my face. I glanced at the back of Al's head before feeling a shift in one of my necklace's chains.

I looked down, vaguely seeing the diamond of Ed's necklace covering the oval pendant of his brother's. Ed grinned at me, obviously proud about how clever he was being. I rolled my eyes with a smile.

"You're such a goof." I said quietly, leaning against his shoulder as I took his hand in mine.

His grin just widened, and gently he squeezed my hand. I couldn't hold down the smile nor the increasing blush on my face.

Doofuses. Both of them.

With a small sigh, Ed began rattling off the list.

"Let's see... They've got chocolate cake, strawberry cake, cheesecake, lobster—"

My head snapped up, eyes sending him a quizzical look.

Ed grinned, kicking back against the train's seat, ankle on his opposite knee.

"Just makin' sure you're paying attention!"

Al giggled, hand to his mouth, and I joined in as well.

"I don't have to have anything," I wanted to say, but the sentence was cut in half by Ed's careless wave of the hand.

"Please," he flapped his lips. "At least get something to eat. It's seven in the morning, you must be hungry."

It was true; I did eat around this time. It was odd—strange, even—how he knew such a small quirk about me.

"I'll just have a sandwich," I got out, and my stomach lurched in protest. I'd spent last night in Ed's arms again, hating every inch of my scarred skin... Skin he still hadn't seen...

"Well, let's at least stop for some cake!" Al's voice. The voice of a child. I... wondered when his birthday was.

"Al..." I turned to him, and in a big breath, began to ask. But a chirping, cheering greeting of the train's employee.

We all gave one ominous "good morning" right back. Maybe we were spending just a little too much time together.

We ate, speaking as cheerful as usual, but with the final swallow, Ed spoke.

"Let me draw you," he told me, the faintest of blushes along his face. "My gift to you, or part two, at least."

I blushed furiously, head bowed a little. Anything to make me a little bit smaller, a little less noticeable. "Y-yes. O-of course." And with that, as Ed gave a perfectly content nod, I switched seats. Sitting directly across from him instead of sitting diagonally.

Ed watched me, still so perfect, those eyes watching me like the way I watched all those constellations, all those weeks ago. [Hand positioning that pen of his.] For a moment, I wished drawing were like alchemy. Straight forward, to the point. But there were so many lines, so many ways to sketch or outline or study. Framing a pile a shit didn't make it stink any less.

When I had settled, Ed opened the sketchbook, flipping to his drawing from before. One of the only full-sketches in the book. No; that was a lie. There was one sketch of him. I had drawn his hand. Nothing complex, just a simple attempt at realism. He would never let me draw his face. He didn't really like to be photographed, either. We had some photos in our home, though. Hung along the walls of the hallway. Still there. Still hanging, even when I was all the way across country.

My attention snapped back, reality coming to me again as Ed turned the page, covering my drawing with a fresh blank sheet of paper.

I took my position before he had time to tell me where to look. And at his softening smile, I just blinked once. Slowly. And I thought of the way cats moved, when they trusted you.

I trusted him.

Another blink, a faster one, and I noticed a smaller smile was on his face; a soft one. I wasn't sure when it had appeared, but I felt a weight in my gut, just seeing it. Something like warmth fluttered in beneath that heaviness, and for a moment I couldn't breathe.

Ed tilted his head to the side, that smile dropping into a flat line. His golden eyes searched my face, then he motioned a little bit to my right with his head.

"Look a little more that way," he told me softly.

Towards him? I wanted to ask, but my tongue was failing me again. Like always.

I did as I was told, turning a little bit more to the right, forcing myself to still look into his eyes, even if they weren't looking into mine. His stare had dropped to my jawline, tracing along to my chin, briefly lifting to study my lips, my nose, then finally meeting my eyes. A quiet smile came to his face, and I forced myself to lift one corner of my mouth upwards. Something like a return. I felt some part of my brain detach from the current moment, floating away to somewhere else entirely. But I came back to earth when he spoke again.

"Look back," he said, attention going to the blank page again. "To where you were before."

I was so confused I nearly felt a question mark form above my head. But I looked back anyway, keeping the same pose as before. Remembering to curve my lips in that same smile. I briefly notice Ed's expression change; his eyes coming up to my face again as his hand was positioned at the paper; a quiet smile coming to his own lips. Almost like... He was happy to see me like this.

I shoved the thought out of my mind, sure I was just thinking too much again. Just thinking about myself again. I knew how dangerous that was. I couldn't let myself break, especially not now. I couldn't be that selfish.

He suddenly turned, briefly moving his blank page until he saw the previous drawing. His last sketch of me.

Night came, and I found I could finally breathe.

I wanted to retire for the night, but after a single step, Ed's hand found my wrist. And I was thrown back into a library, onto busy sidewalks in a sleepless town.

His hand slipped down, gently taking hold of mine, and it was a voice I couldn't say no to.

I couldn't defend my selfishness, as his lips came to mine. Kissing me slowly, deeply, filing me up with a love so full I nearly felt my inner shell break.

I held down the tears.

Our lips separated, his lingering for a moment before slipping down--tracing along my jaw as his hand guided my head back, allowing access. Allowing his lips to paint my skin, gently travel down muscles and arteries and everything keeping me here. I wished something would break; then we could rid ourselves both of the torture.

His lips moved apart, revealing teeth he bȧrėd, gently biting my flesh. Stretching and thinning it for a few moments. Maybe some unconscious part of him wanting to know how much it could take before naturally snapping back.

He did it again, beside curve of my shoulder and neck, above the bone of my collar.

I swallowed, feeling so incredibly stupid as my saliva traveled down. Passing Ed, passing the hand he was raising. He raised those fingers, cupping the side of my neck, and the heaviness my spit left behind didn't seem so heavy anymore.

The first tear leaked out.

He kissed me again, first my neck then rising high. Pulling me in to a meeting of the lips. So. Soft.

His gloved hand raised from my neck, curving with the angle of my jaw. His thumb reached out, panning away from my features. Trying to make me forget everything but how can I forget something that's so common it may as well be air? It was a necessity, that doubt.

So, I kissed back. I kissed as if I were draining the breath away. And with gaping gasps, he responded in smile and soft strokes of the thumb against my shoulder.

He responded, and like a beacon of light, his ship came to shore. I swept him up in kisses and touch of the hands. I swept him away from it all, and in turn I was lost, too.