Leave A Scar

It was rare that I experienced a nightmare. My dreams were confined to train stations and standing on railways. Pleasant dreams, if anything.

The nightmare I had then... the ghost of it haunts me now.

I stood in our home, the afternoon light making things a bit brighter. A bit lighter. I breathed in, feeling his arms around me. I looked up, cheek brushing against his ċhėst, and saw him smile down at me. Perfectly content; perfectly peaceful.

I wanted it to stay that way.

I reached up, cupping the side of his face, thumb brushing alongside his cheek, the bone above. Beautiful; the work of Adonis.

He smiled a little more, head tilting to the side. And then his eyes opened. A deep brown; a color I couldn't bȧrė to look at.

I stared anyway, knowing I deserved each second. Those eyes, his eyes taking me to a place I never wanted to go.

Everything changed. I was slammed down into a chair, chains wrapping around my wrists and binding me to the desk. A paper dotted with tear drops; a work with blurred lines.

Laughter rang out; male laughter, the sound of zippers being undone riding beneath the amusement. And then the sound of skin slapping against skin. I felt my mouth open, my vȧġɨnȧ, my ȧsshole widen— every orifice stretching until it was torn.

I woke up with my body jolting upright. My gasp rang out against the silence, and I quickly shut my mouth. Eyes closing, head bowing. Tendrils of black hair slipping from my shoulder, brushing against my face. A face I hadn't seen in a long time.

I felt Ed stir next to me, giving a bȧrėly audible grown in his sleep. I couldn't help but smile, just hearing that sound.

I looked over, seeing he had turned to face me. And one eye was open, waiting diligently as if I had just asked him something important.

He spoke, words murmuring against the silence between us.

"Nightmare?"

I nodded.

"You?" I returned.

He nodded. His arm outstretched, welcoming me, and I slipped into his embrace, nestling my head against his ċhėst.

His thumb stroked the upper part of my shoulder, moving along the arch again and again as he spoke, voice quiet, his words hushed.

"You know you can come to me," he began, "if you need anything."

It'd just never happen.

We stayed like that, for a few moments. And then his thumb stopped.

He spoke my name, metal clicking as he raised his hand to his face. But the words were interrupted.

"I FOUND SOMETHING!"

Alphonse's voice broke the silence, jarring both of us out of our meditative state. We sat up, Ed throwing the covers off of us, and both of us stopping at the doorway with a jerk forward.

"What? What'dja find, Al?"

Alphonse stared down at the book, both hands supporting him as he leaned against the table. His head shifted to us, the click slicing into my heart. Was this the last time I would hear it?

Al looked down at the desk lit by light, and quickly he began to read.

"'While Homunculus and red light are speculated to go hand in hand, there is also the consideration of using a Philosopher Stone to produce an abnormal change in light.'"

"Okay," Ed nodded. "We knew that..."

"While that is speculated," Al continued, "it's also thought that lingering contact with a stone can produce an aftereffect of light change, given the stone's high concentration when it comes to Alchemy."

My mind was working hard, trying to go through everything they had told me on the rooftop. It was hard, wading through so much personal information. So many memories.

"When you went into Gluttony's stomach," Al began, speaking to his brother. "You were in contact with a Philosopher's Stone. What if that caused the change in your light and it's been that way ever since?"

Ed looked down, one finger in between his teeth. He stretched his hand down, momentarily flipping me off by accident. I could only smile a little, nearly wanting to laugh "normally".

"But why the trigger every now and then?" he asked. "And that would mean Ling's transmutation light would be red, too..."

Al paused for only a second, straightening from being bowed over the desk.

"Do you think we can get him to perform something?" he asked.

Ed looked down, thin brows furrowed in thought, and suddenly he looked to me with a devilish grin.

I dialed the number, finger spinning to each digit and feeling that pressure release against me. Letting me know it was safe to continue, repeat the same action again.

A static click, and a voice answered.

"Good morning. You've reached the residency of Emperor Yao Ling," a male voice said.

"I'd like to speak to the Emperor," I replied, a piercing pain stabbing through me for skipping a greeting.

"One moment please, miss."

I waited, seeing Ed shift over to me slightly. Listening to the upper piece of the phone, trying to get some detail of where the conversation was going.

"On hold?" he murmured.

"Yeah," I nodded.

The male voice came back on the phone.

"What's your name, miss? The Emperor wants to know."

I felt my entire structure nearly collapse, a roaring pain slamming against my being. I felt my lips part as my mind drew away from me. My mind retracted while my eyes remained glued to the floor below; white legs between black shoes and a knee-length skirt. I tried to focus on something, but suddenly I felt Ed's hand.

His fingers worked to reach the space in between mine and the phone, prying a wider distance between the two. Gently, he took the phone and gently I gave it to him.

Ed spoke, hip against the table as he told the man who I was. Or my name, anyway, and it just gave me an incredible flash of agony, hearing that word spoken on such soft lips.

"Thanks," he finished, voice even quieter than before.

Immediately, he pulled away, Ling's voice on the end of the line.

"How are you, my dear?! How is Amestris it's been so long since I've heard from you!"

Ed offered the phone back to me, a half smile on his face and one brow raised. A silent stature of pride.

I coughed a little, a weak attempt to clear out the cobwebs in my throat. I took the phone, and began relaying information like I was supposed to.

"Well," I began, twirling my hair around a finger. "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything my dear," Ling responded, "just say the word and I'll be there; your wish is my command!"

I laughed behind my hand, amused at how kind this guy was to something so disgustingly insignificant.

I took my hand away. "Could you transmute something?"

"Transmutation?" he repeated, astonished. "The basis of alchemy? But my dear, I only have knowledge of Alkahestry, Xing's finest philosophy and means of defense."

"I-I know," I began. I sighed, head bowing and eyes closing. "It's something for Ed. It'll take a few minutes and a few steps, but it'd greatly help."

I heard him hum, imagining a detail-less face nod in serious understanding. Then, a response.

"It would be more than a pŀėȧsurė, my daffodil," Ling said.

"O-okay," I replied, nodding again. My brain kicked into gear, actually working for once. Explaining details and what should come of them. "You'll need a piece of chalk, and a place to work. Six inches or so should do it."

"Yes, yes, I see. It's all coming together now!"

I smiled, laughing slightly behind my hand. I'm glad you think so!

I heard the familiar light scrape of chalk against floor, arching and lining as I described. It was strange, being a teacher. And I nearly laughed at the thought—how I could give anything of value to someone else.

"...and it should be done. You can place the bucket of water in the center."

"It's done."

"Placing your hands on the edge of the circle"—Here I was, sounding like a radio advertisement—"you should see light begin to form. We're looking for red."

I heard the sound of electricity and steam rising. And then, silence.

We waited, the tension like a guillotine about to drop, suspended from the ceiling and looming over all three of us. I looked to Alphonse, who sat patiently at the table, Ed and I's steaming cups around him. I tried to smile, too, but it came out as a twitch of the lip against a closed hand.

"My love."

I blinked, turning my attention back to the phone. "Y-yes."

"I regret to inform you the color was not red but indeed blue," he said. "Is there anything I could do to further help? I can tell this is a serious matter."

I looked up at Edward, meeting his eyes as they looked to me. Gently, so small it was bȧrėly seen, he shook his head.

"No," I chime, eyes curving. "It's perfectly alright—you don't have to do anything, Ling!"

Ling sighed dreamily. "And your voice, it speaks wonders to my soul!"

I laughed yet again, feeling my own soul tear. "I'm sure it does!"

I saw Ed smile, the expression incredibly soft as he stared down at his boots. One ankle crossed over the other. I caught his sight, and his smile fell, heat rushing to my face.

"Thank you for you time, Ling," I told the receiver. "This really was a huge help."

Ling made that hum again. "Of course, my sweet. Now if you can just stay on the line so I can hear that pretty voice of yours."

I stood, dumbfounded, as Ed choked down a laugh.

Once again, he took the phone from me.

"Thanks, Ling," he said. "We'll keep in touch."

A few silent words, and the phone was hung up.

We stayed trapped within our minds, our thoughts unspoken until Edward shook his head, voice quiet.

"Guess I'm on my own," he said, hands in his pockets. That insignia, the Flamel, stared back at me, and I could only think of the night he put that damn blanket over my body, how his hand traced that symbol. How close he had been, and how flustered I had gotten.

I could only think of how much our relationship had changed. Each of us back-to-back, weight of the scale almost equal as monsters surrounded us...

I could only think of how much I had yet to repay, and with that said, I grabbed the suitcase Ed had left behind.

It was time we found some answers.

"The book you were reading out of," I began, speaking to Al. My back hit the door, keeping it open as I looked across the room. "What was the most important section on?"

Al blinked once. "'Abnormal Light and the Effects Thereof.'"

I nodded, and left at that.

My head felt as if someone drove an ax through it. This headache; a product of my brain pouring over thousands of words in such a short amount of time.

And yet again, Ed came to my rescue. He dropped to his knees, just as I had done moments ago.

I couldn't blame myself. That's what Ed had told me, one hand on my shoulder. Fingers of a metal hand gently hold on.

I bit the very edge of my nails, watching as Ed leaned against the doorway, both hands in his pockets. He continued looking up, and quietly he spoke.

"The path of searching is full of trail and error," he told me, curling each finger of my hand. His eyes look distant, as he stared at our hands together. "It's a winding road, and sometimes you'll run over manholes that'll get you frazzled now and again."

He folded all of my fingers at once, making a fist once again. "You just need to keep holding on, because eventually that ride gets smoother."

I could only thought of the nightmare I'd had, the cool burn of his steel against my inner-thigh, and all the mistakes I'd made in my life. All the weight I was adding to that scale, weight Ed would pick up in time.

"I'm..." Sorry. I wanted to apologize, but my existence froze when lips came to my forehead.

He

He...

I relaxed, taking the kiss as an excuse to not say anything. I simply grew silent, and eventually he drew away. Becoming just as mute as I was.

"C'mon," he said, taking my hand and gently gliding me to a standing position. "We got a warm hotel waiting for us."

He punctuated his words with a squeeze of the hand, and gently pulled me to walk behind him, our hands still connected.

He gave me his coat, when we found it was raining outside.

As droplets streamed down my hair and face and everything that made me human, I thought about the Homunculi. What they had been searching for, what they were after Ed for...

I didn't know, and once again my hand came up empty.

The pain clipped against a wall, and I held the sob down between clenched teeth. Willing myself not to break...

Eventually, we made it back to the hotel, and with a squeeze of the hand, he left for a shower while Al called in dinner. He knew what to order, by now.

I smiled, trying my best to overcome another defeat. I didn't know how empty Ed was, until we met on the balcony that night.

He simply kissed me, and I felt the desperation inside him. The way he clawed one finger in between the opening of my blouse, the way he'd backed me against the balcony rails. Hungrily planting kisses to my neck, and I stayed statue still. I know I should've moved, should've done something...

I just stayed still, wanting the wind to finally blow me over. But Ed held me firm, head bowed enough for his forehead to rest against the top of my hair. He held me, and this time I knew I wouldn't break.