Lost You Forever

Chapter 49 – Fear that Reunion is But a Dream:

When Xiao Yao woke up and saw the sunlight from the window and the peach blossoms blooming, she didn’t know where she was but she knew she was alive.

Xiao Yao covered her eyes, if she knew it was this hard to die she would have never planted the Lover’s Bug in Xiang Liu years ago!

After some time, Xiao Yao sat up and called out “Anyone there? Where is this place?”

From the red blossoms a figure in white rushed over and Xiao Yao almost forgot to breathe until she saw his green eyes and released a disappointed breath “Lie Yang, why am I on Jade Mountain?”

“You were sick so Zhuan Xu brought you to the Royal Mother for healing.”

Zhuan Xu explained that she was sick? Fine, might as well stick with the story…..Xiao Yao asked “Where is Zhuan Xu?”

“Left.”

Xiao Yao was relieved and asked “Did the Royal Mother save me?”

Lie Yang didn’t answer her, transforming into a white bird and flying away.

Ah Bi walked in with a smile “Your body was fine, the Royal Mother saw that you could breathe underwater so sank you into the lake filled with Jade Mountain spiritual essence and that woke you up.”

Xiao Yao smiled bitterly, such deadly poison couldn’t even kill her. Having the bug connected with Xiang Liu was like giving herself nine lives. But what was the point of living like this?

Sir Bi saw Xiao Yao’s devastated expression and gently said “Why don’t you stay on Jade Mountain for awhile! The Royal Mother doesn’t have much time left, even if the Black Emperor didn’t bring you we were going to bring you here.”

Xiao Yao stared in shock at Sir Bi who replied calmly “Don’t feel bad, death is a natural part of life.”

Xiao Yao thought about it, if one could not love and live freely then death would be a form of release. She said “I want to see the Royal Mother.”

Sir Bi said “The Royal Mother is alert right now so I’ll take you to see her.”

The Royal Mother was admiring flowers in the corridor and when she saw Xiao Yao, she didn’t look surprised and waved her over “Xiao Yao, did you dine yet? Come have breakfast with me!”

Xiao Yao had never ever seen such a warm inviting Royal Mother, if it wasn’t for Sir Bi and Lie Yang around, she would have thought someone was posing as her.

Xiao Yao picked up a bowl of saturn peach essence and took a few sips. The Royal Mother was drinking wine and flipping through discs of pictures with writing on it.

The Royal Mother stared until she tossed it all aside in annoyance. A few servants quickly picked the pictures up as a simply dressed woman walked out from the peach blossom forest and said to the Royal Mother “You know your own health, one of these days you won’t wake up. You need to decide now.”

Xiao Yao remembered the woman was called Sui Hong and was in charge of guarding Jade Mountain’s treasure repository. She was rarely ever seen, when Xiao Yao lived on Jade Mountain for seventy years she only saw her three or four times.

The Royal Mother downed an entire bottle of wine and played with the empty bottle “If you know I’m about to die then leave me alone for a few days!”

Sui Hong handed the pictures back “If I leave you alone, then after you die I will have no peace!”

The Royal Mother said “All the girls seem like good people, why do they want to be the Royal Mother?” She was about to pick another picture up when she paused and looked over at Xiao Yao and asked “Xiao Yao, have you thought about the future?”

Xiao Yao was startled “What?”

The Royal Mother leisurely said “Sometimes the world is so big that anywhere can be home, sometimes the world is so big but nowhere to go and death is a release. Jade Mountain isn’t a good place, but it is cut off from the rest of the world. Xiao Yao, do you want to become the next Royal Mother and govern Jade Mountain?”

The Royal Mother’s expression was as if she already knew everything. Xiao Yao’s eyes teared up, the entire world belonged to Zhuan Xu and there was nowhere she could go to hide from him. Only Jade Mountain cut off from the entire world gave her a place to rest.

Xiao Yao replied “I do!”

The Royal Mother clapped her hands and turned to Shiu Hong “There, the matter is taken care of so you can disappear off now.”

Shui Hong looked at Xiao Yao and sighed “Can’t believe the one person who didn’t want to be on Jade Mountain the most now wants to stay here forever.” Shiu Hong picked up the items and walked off.

Lie Yang landed on a peach blossom branch “Xiao Yao, being the Royal Mother means you will never be able to leave Jade Mountain for the rest of your life and must be alone forever. Have you really thought it through?”

Xiao Yao said “I thought it through, the world may be vast but there is nowhere I can go now. Being the Royal Mother is my only resting place.” In the past she greedily sought out the sights and sounds of the outside world but now that she lost everything, nothing mattered to her anywhere. She was tired and wanted only a peaceful spot to putter around for the rest of her life.

Lie Yang grew silent and Sir Bi wanted to object but couldn’t find a reason to. Perhaps reaching this point, growing old on Jade Mountain really was Xiao Yao’s only choice.

The Royal Mother saw that no one objected and proclaimed “In three days an announcement will be made to the world that the new Royal Mother will take over Jade Mountain.”

Since coming back from Jade Mountain, Zhuan Xu had people looking around Sheng Nong Mountain and finally found a lake suitable for Xiao Yao to rest in. He summoned powerful beings to build a mystic maze to keep the power inside and maintain Xiao Yao’s state. After it was readied, he went personally to Jade Mountain to pick up Xiao Yao.

Last time he was there, the Royal Mother was ill so greeted him in her personal residence courtyard. Now he was led to the main hall of Jade Mountain and could see the puppet maids and servants bustling around decorating everywhere. He was confused and asked “Did the Royal Mother’s health improve?”

The maid answered respectfully “Her Highness is so ill she is no longer seeing guests. But she has chosen her successor and now all matters on Jade Mountain are being directed by the next Royal Mother.”

Zhuan Xu mused “So the new Royal Mother has already taken over affairs on Jade Mountain. How come a proclamation wasn’t made to the world?”

The maid replied “It’s been set for the 19th, the day of the announcement and her succession ceremony.”

Zhuan Xu still sensed it was odd but the Royal Mother was inscrutable and difficult so her actions didn’t always seem logical.

When he arrived at the entrance to the hall, Sui Hong greeted him with a deep bow “Jade Mountain deputy general Sui Hong greets Your Majesty the Black Emperor.”

Zhuan Xu replied courteously “Today is the first time meeting the new Royal Mother, so great apologies for arriving empty handed without a congratulatory gift.”

Sui Hong said “It’s Jade Mountain at fault for not telling Your Majesty in advance. Tomorrow is the succession ceremony and if Your Majesty has the time, please stay to attend.”

Zhuan Xu hesitated, Jade Mountain was unique in its power and position and the Royal Mother was giving him great honor to invite him to attend the ceremony, but right now Ru So and Gong Gong’s battle was reaching its final crescendo and he barely found the time to come today.

Sui Hong added “No need to decide now, Your Majesty, please welcome inside.”

Zhuan Xu walked inside and saw all the windows open along both sides of the hall, showing the cliffs and blue skies of the vistas on one side and the peach blossom forest on the other.

At the end of the hall was a woman in all white leaning against the window pane staring outside, as if she was admiring the view, but also playing with a peach blossom branch and plucking all the petals off as if she were impatiently waiting for someone.

Zhuan Xu wondered to himself what kind of weird personality this new Royal Mother would have.

A gust of wind blew past as the maid lifted the bead curtains and blew up the peach blossom petals on the ground, and in that swirling moment the woman in white turned around.

Zhuan Xu had a polite smile ready which froze in that instant as he yelled “Xiao Yao!”

Xiao Yao walked to the center of the hall and sat down on the Royal Mother throne, gesturing to Zhuan Xu “Your Majesty, please sit.”

Zhuan Xu knew the reality but still refused to believe it. He didn’t even bother to ask Xiao Yao how she woke from the coma and rushed up to her to ask “Xiao Yao, why are you dressed like the Royal Mother?”

“Tomorrow, I will become the Royal Mother.”

“Do you know what that means?”

“I lived on Jade Mountain for 70 years, I know exactly what that means.”

Zhuan Xu was devastated and enraged as he continued “The Royal Mother cannot step one foot off the mountain, she must be alone for the rest of her life! You are drawing your own prison cell until you die! Even if Jing is dead, even if you don’t love me, but your life is still very long and the world very vast. You can still find someone to spend your life with! Is there no one left in this world that is worth your staying for?”

Xiao Yao calmly said “Your Majesty, please sit. From now on please call me Royal Mother, there is only the Royal Mother of Jade Mountain before you, I have no worldly name.”

Zhuan Xu shook his head and grabbed Xiao Yao’s hand to drag her out “You come with me to see the Royal Mother. I’ll tell her that you can’t be the Royal Mother and she needs to find another successor!”

The Jade Mountain guards blocked the way “Will the Black Emperor release Her Highness!”

Zhuan Xu’s guards behind him unsheathed their weapons.

Shui Hong walked inside and calmly said “Your Majesty, this is Jade Mountain which does not interfere with worldly affairs, and the world cannot interfere with Jade Mountain matters! The world has had countless strife and many rulers, but Jade Mountain has never violated the order set down in ancient times by the Great Emperor Pan Gu. Even Fu Yi and Nu Wa greatly respect Jade Mountain! The Yellow Emperor and the White Emperor also are very courteous to Jade Mountain. Will the Black Emperor please not forget the edicts of old.”

Xiao Yao said to Zhuan Xu’s guards “Jade Mountain has no weapons! All the weapons of the world, no matter how powerful, has no effect on Jade Mountain. If you want to fight then a tree branch is more effective here. You all sheath your weapons now!”

The guards remembered this legend and took a look at Zhuan Xu before sheepishly holstering their weapons.

Xiao Yao turned to the Jade Mountain servants “You’re all dismissed!”

The servants retreated and even Shui Hong left the chamber. Xiao Yao’s Royal Mother aura was so on point that even Zhuan Xu shuddered like he was in the middle of an nightmare. His heart descended down an endless chasm with no end in sight.

Xiao Yao said to Zhuan Xu “I woke two days ago and the Royal Mother wanted to send a message to you but I stopped her. I decided that day to become the next Royal Mother and she was worried I was being rash so gave me three days to think about it before announcing it to the world so I can change my mind. Zhuan Xu, no one is forcing me, this is my own choice!”

Zhuan Xu grabbed Xiao Yao’s hand tightly like he was never going to let go “Why?”

Xiao Yao smiled so casually, like this had nothing to do with her “Zhuan Xu, how can you not know why? I could have lived like an ordinary girl, marrying and having kids, living a simple happy life. You took it all away from me! I can’t kill you, I can’t kill myself, I can’t even leave! The whole world knows I am Qi Yo’s daughter, the whole world is under your rule – if I can avoid people trying to kill me, I still can’t avoid your forces to bring me back. Zhuan Xu, the world is so vast but you’ve pushed me to the point of being with you or having nowhere else to go!”

“If you don’t become the Royal Mother, I can give up…….”

Xiao Yao shook her head “Zhuan Xu, I’m tired, let me rest now!”

Zhuan Xu tightly held onto Xiao Yao’s hand pleading “Xiao Yao, if you don’t become the Royal Mother I will give you any freedom you want, go anywhere you want!”

Xiao Yao got on her knees and raise her head to look up at Zhuan Xu “Gege, please I beg you to remember all we shared and agree to let me be the Royal Mother, give me a place to rest.”

Her expression was placid and in her dark depths there was no love or hate anymore, just nothingness.

He remembered when those eyes reflected intelligence and charm, beauty and wit. Those eyes showed happiness and sorrow, would get worried and mad…..even those last days on Sheng Nong Mountain those eyes reflected hatred.

But now there was nothing there! It was like a dried up well……..

Zhuan Xu was so shocked his body grew slack and he backed up a few steps.

Xiao Yao pulled her hand back and continued to kneel, no evidence of any emotion from her as she calmly pleased “Please will Gege agree to let me be the Royal Mother.”

Zhuan Xu didn’t dare look into those eyes because it was a reminder that the Xiao Yao who accompanied him the entire way and was never crushed by any obstacle was now dead to him. And it was he would pushed her to this point step by step!

Xiao Yao got up and said to Shui Hong “If the Black Emperor wants to spend one night please tend to him well. If he wants to leave then send him off. Everything else will go according to plan.”

Shui Hong bowed “Yes.”

That night by the lake, Xiao Yao wearing all white sat on a beam with her legs dangling over the water as she stared in a daze at her reflection on the surface.

Sir Bi walked through the forest and said “The Black Emperor didn’t leave, but also didn’t say he was staying. He just sits on the mountain peak staring at the direction of Xuan Yuan Mountain, not eating or drinking, and not saying a single word.”

Xiao Yao coolly said “Leave him be. At most he can stay three days anyways.”

Sir Bi continued “Xiao Yao, are you truly certain? Once you are the Royal Mother you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life, and can never leave Jade Mountain! It’s not too late to change your mind!”

“I know you’re concerned for me but I am truly certain! You and Lie Yang live on Jade Mountain all these years and are doing just fine.”

Sir Bi didn’t know what else to say and could only watch Xiao Yao worriedly.

Xiao Yao smiled “It’s fine! Go rest now, starting tomorrow I will be the Royal Mother and then you and Lie Yang have to listen to me on everything!”

Sir Bi had no choice but to leave her be, but he turned back from the forest as he walked away and saw Xiao Yao still sitting above the water in a daze, her figure all alone, and he sighed deeply thinking that this tableau would continue for hundreds and even thousands more years.

Dawn arrived on Jade Mountain and illuminated the vistas.

Xiao Yao changed with the help of the servants into the most elaborate court dress and put on the Royal Mothers’ peach blossom crown. Once the ceremony was done and she took the Jade Seal from the Royal Mother and stamped it on the proclamation decree to the world then she would officially rule Jade Mountain.

Xiao Yao walked towards the ceremonial stage with the assistance of the servants, and on both sides of the path were blooming peach blossoms.

Xiao Yao stared at the peach blossom forest and remembered when Jing proposed to her. It was on Cao Ao Peak on Sheng Nong Mountain, which didn’t have any peach blossom trees, but Jing knew her parents pledged their love under peach blossom trees so he used his power to conjure up thousands of miles of peach blossoms and as the petals rained down he nervously asked “Tu Shan Jing wishes for Xi Ling Jiu Yao’s hand in marriage.”

Xiao Yao reached out her hand and caught a few peach blossoms and smiled.

The Royal Mother was dressed in ceremonial robes and waited for her on the altar. She lucidly watched Xiao Yao and the only spectator below the stage was Zhuan Xu, his face starkly white and exhausted as he kept his eyes on Xiao Yao without blinking.

Xiao Yao walked directly to the altar without looking anywhere else and the Royal Mother asked “As custom, I shall ask one final time – once you are Royal Mother you cannot get married or ever leave Jade Mountain. Do you still agree?”

Zhuan Xu yelled “Xiao Yao———-“ with tears in his eyes, pleading with every fiber of his being.

Under the peace blossoms falling around her Xiao Yao seemed to spot Jing and she tightly clenched her hands around the petals in her palm as she smiled at him and said “I agree.”

The Royal Mother nodded “Fine!”

Zhuan Xu painfully closed his eyes.

Shui Hong led Xiao Yao on the stage and she knelt down as the Royal Mother took out the Jade Seal and started reciting the succession pledge.

Xiao Yao reached out and was about to take the Jade Seal when the sound of a crane calling anxiously reached them. Everyone looked skyward as the Royal Mother scowled “Today is an important day and Jade Mountain is not accepting visitors!”

From the sky came a white crane with a blue robed man standing on its back, refined and elegant.

Zhuan Xu’s expression darkened and he took a few steps back while Xiao Yao stood up with her eyes open wide in shock and her body shook in surprise.

The man in blue vaulted off the crane’s back and landed on the altar. He appeared to have just gotten over a grave illness, his complexion pale and wan and his figure thin. But his features were graceful and refined and his demeanor calm and composed. He politely bowed to the Royal Mother “Tu Shan Jing from Qing Qiu. I’m here to pick up my fiancée. I heard from the servants that the succession ceremony was going on and should have waited but I had no choice to barge in so my apologies for the intrusion.”

The Royal Mother was dumbfounded and asked “Tu Shan Jing? You didn’t die?”

Jing glanced at the regally attired Xiao Yao with tears in his eyes “Xiao Yao, I’m back. I hope you don’t hold it against me for coming so late!” Jing walked towards Xiao Yao and two servants blocked his way with peach blossom branch canes. Jing didn’t want to anger the Royal Mother so stopped and said softly
“Xiao Yao, don’t become the Royal Mother, you promised to marry me!”

Xiao Yao walked off the altar as if in a dream towards Jing and the servants didn’t stop her after seeing the Royal Mother didn’t object.

Until she was standing before Jing, Xiao Yao still couldn’t believe this was real. She reached out her hand to touch his face “Jing, is it really you?”

Jing answered “I am Wen Xiao Liu’s Ye Shi Qi. Because you counted seventeen leaves on the herbal branch, that is why I am called Shi Qi.”

Xiao Yao smiled through her tears “You’re really back!”

Jing grabbed her hands “I’m sorry for making you wait so long!”

Xiao Yao burrowed into Jing’s arms as her tears fell “Jing, Jing, you’re finally back!”

Jing comforted her “Don’t cry…..don’t cry…..”

Xiao Yao started crying even louder and pummeled his chest “I kept waiting for you, I kept waiting for you and didn’t believe you died. Every full moon I think you’ll come back but you never did! I waited so long and thought you wouldn’t come back……..I thought you really abandoned me…..I hate you, hate you…..”

Jing let Xiao Yao hit and yell at him while repeating “I know you suffered a lot and I didn’t keep my promise. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

Xiao Yao nestled in Jing’s arms and kept on crying.

By the time Xiao Yao stopped crying and calmed down, half an hour had passed and the altar was empty, neither Xiao Yao nor Jing knew when everyone left. Clearly the Royal Mother succession ceremony wasn’t going to be completed.

Jing looked over Xiao Yao’s Royal Mother outfit and his heart ached “Thank god I was in time!”

Xiao Yao asked “Where have you been all these years?”

Jing explained “Hou forced me to duel and I secretly ate the life preserving pill you gave me beforehand. I wanted to jump into the water to escape and Hou kicking me in the water helped my plan along. But his kick was much stronger than expected and I fainted in the water. When I woke up it was five days ago at dawn on a deserted island in the East Sea. A mercouple saved me but I couldn’t communicate in their language. We communicated in gestures and I figured out that they found me unconscious in the ocean and didn’t know who I was or how to wake me. They placed me on the deserted island and fed me herbs from time to time. Luckily there are tons of strange treasures in the ocean and they accidentally chanced upon the right sea herbs to wake me up. I rushed back worried about you and only then did I learn 7 years had passed. The Yellow Emperor told me you were not on Sheng Nong Mountain and told me to rush to Jade Mountain.”

Xiao Yao wiped her tears “I want to go thank the mercouple that saved you.”

Jing sighed “Merpeople live in the vast ocean without a set residence. When I left and asked how I could find them again, they just pointed to the ocean so I don’t even know how to find them again.”

Xiao Yao said “We can look for them in the future, take our time, but now we need to go beg forgiveness from the Royal Mother.”

The wind was softly blowing as the sunlight filtered down through the trees. Xiao Yao walked hand in hand with Jing and stared at him, as if confirmed that he really was beside her.

Sir Bi walked up and Xiao Yao said to Jing “This is the Ah Bi I’ve told you so much about.”

Jing tried to bow low but Ah Bi dodged the courtesy and Xiao Yao didn’t object because she knew the demons were strict with hierarchy. She smiled “It’s good that you’re here, come see the Royal Mother with us!”

“Hold off on seeing the Royal Mother, Zhuan Xu is on the cliff…..” Ah Bi let out a loud sigh “You guys need to go see him!”

Xiao Yao’s smiled disappeared and she grabbed Jing’s hand tightly as if afraid he would disappear. Jing squeezed Xiao Yao’s hand and said to Sir Bi “We’ll go.”

Sir Bi bowed to Jing before heading off.

Xiao Yao tried to act nonchalant and said to Jing “Wait for me here, I’ll go and be back quickly.”

Jing asked “Why can’t I go see His Majesty the Black Emperor?”

Xiao Yao opened her mouth but couldn’t get the words out.

Jing said “Before going to Qing Shui Town, I brought extra secret guards just to be extra safe. But Hou’s people actually took out all of the Tu Shan clan guards, that’s something the Chi Sui clan leader can’t even pull off! Back then I knew only one person in the entire world commanded such power, and because I guessed it was the Black Emperor that was why I kept trying to inch closer to the river as I battle Hou so I could use the river to get away because there must be more people waiting in Qing Shui Town to take me out.”

So Jing already knew, and didn’t need her to explain, so Xiao Yao sighed and lowered her head “I’m so sorry!”

Jing sighed as well and pulled Xiao Yao into his arms “Don’t feel bad, it’s not your fault.”

“You…..you…..you know the reason why Zhuan Xu wanted to kill you?”

“Even if I didn’t know then, I know now.”

Xiao Yao murmured “If you know then you need to be careful. I’ll go see him and after he leaves it’ll be fine.”

Jing said “When I went to Sheng Nong Mountain to look for you, I talked with the Yellow Emperor and realized I made a big mistake as well. Let’s go see the Black Emperor and talk things out.”

Xiao Yao hesitated, not because she didn’t want to see Zhuan Xu but because she was afraid!

Jing said “The Black Emperor is the person you trust the most, don’t let one mistake make you lose faith in him! Have you thought about why he was willing to let you marry Feng Long but tried to stop you from marrying me? He was just as pained in both instances.”

“Because….he thinks you’re not as good as Feng Long.”

Jing shook his head “That’s just the surface reason, the most important reason is that His Majesty believes I don’t have the ability to protect you! He’s lost so much already, he could not place you in the care of someone weak. Tell me the way to the cliff!”

Xiao Yao docilely led the way.

Zhuan Xu stood at the edge of the cliff as if staring at something. Xiao Yao looked out in the same direction and only saw clouds.

Xiao Yao softly asked “What are you looking at?”

Zhuan Xu didn’t turn around but said warmly “I can’t see Xuan Yuan Mountain. From Xuan Yuan Mountain to Sheng Nong Mountain, I thought I had it all but looking back I realize I can’t see the phoenix flowers on Cao Yun Peak anymore. No matter how many phoenix trees I plant on Sheng Nong Mountain, it’s not the same as the ones on Cao Yun Peak.”

Xiao Yao replied “Standing here of course you can’t see it. You rule the entire world, if you want to see it you can go to Cao Yun Peak!”

Zhuan Xu turned around and the moment he saw Xiao Yao he also saw the young man beside her, standing straight and composed.

Jing bowed respectfully “Your Majesty.” After he straightened he took Xiao Yao’s hand again and one white, one blue, they were like the moon and the forest, always beside each other.

Zhuan Xu stared at them before looking past into the clouds once more.

Xiao Yao thought Zhuan Xu would say something or ask something, but he didn’t ask how Jing survived or what they planned to do. He was expressionless, with no sadness or anger. Jing was just as weird, silently standing there without explaining anything or taking his leave.

Zhuan Xu and Jing, one was as solid as the mountain, the other as true as the tree, and Xiao Yao was just about to get anxious when Jing squeezed her hand in assurance as if telling her not to rush things.

Zhuan Xu slowly walked up to them and stared at Jing to ask “When Feng Long was dying he told me that the idea to give up Xuan Yuan Mountain for Sheng Nong Mountain was yours. And that you convinced him to back me.”

Jing candidly responded “Yes.”

“Why conceal it from me?”

“I didn’t think too much back then, all I wanted was to see Xiao Yao as soon as possible, so I gave the chance to Feng Long so he could accomplish his dreams.”

“Why help me? Only because of Xiao Yao?”

“No! When I first went out to do business, the Yellow Emperor had just united the Middle Plains and I followed the merchant groups to many places and saw people displaced by the war. I believed sincerely that the world needed a strong compassionate ruler, one who cared about the lives of all citizens. For Xiao Yao I could break from clan rules and not support the other princes, but I couldn’t truly go against my clan and openly support Your Majesty as ruler. I did what I did because I know Your Majesty’s magnanimous hope for the world and I remain steadfast in believing that my choice is correct. Even today I do not regret my choice, and I know Feng Long didn’t as well. Our choice and determination to support you is the right one.”

Zhuan Xu stared hard at Jing one last time before silently walking past Xiao Yao and heading down the cliffs. His guards surrounded him but everyone kept their distance, making his lone figure seem even more isolated.

Xiao Yao’s eyes followed Zhuan Xu until his form disappeared from sight, as if watching the most important and precious part of her life vanish forever. Her body trembled and ached from the pain in her heart so she grabbed her chest with one hand as she leaned on Jing’s body for support.