Love Doesn't Matter

Chapter 108 – Hesitation

The tears wouldn’t stop. Emilia wiped her tear-streaked face over and over, trying to lift the corners of her mouth.

Come to think of it, she had rarely smiled properly in front of that man. Due to jumbled emotions, she always wore a clouded expression.

But at this moment, she wanted to show a calm demeanor. She didn’t want to evoke the weariness in each other’s hearts that had already exhausted them after days of despair.

It’s okay. I accept it.

She wanted to say those words, but why were tears all that came out?

Emilia bit her lip, holding her breath as she struggled to swallow the lump in her throat.

Through her blurred vision, the man’s face grew closer.

From the cool aura emanating from his coat and his disheveled hair she could imagine how desperately he had rushed.

His unsettled eyes darted anxiously between Emilia’s wet face and trembling shoulders, before finally settling on her lower abdomen. His gaze, though as cold and composed as usual, couldn’t hide the self-reproach overwhelming him.

In that instant, Emilia’s legs started moving on their own.

Descending from the bed, her feet trod urgently across the blanket, the grassy field, and the stone path. Even though she walked cautiously, fearing she might stumble, her body swayed uncontrollably.

Finally, just a step away, Emilia reached out her arm toward him.

His body was bent in a curved shape and tensed up as her trembling hand wrapped around his broad back and waist. It was a gesture he never expected.

Emilia pressed her face into his broad chest, burying it in his welcoming embrace. The herringbone jacket and silk shirt gently pressed against her wet cheeks.

Her eyes were tightly closed. Familiar scent and throbbing heartbeat filled her senses.

Yes, this is where I belong.

As if after a long journey filled with struggles and fears, a final destination had been reached and peace had settled.

Her eyes welled up in relief, and hot tears flowed again. Sniffles and her shoulders began to shake once more.

“…Don’t cry.”

His rough voice, like scratching on her neck, couldn’t stop the surging tears. Emilia gasped for breath, completely surrendering the weight that had remained until the end, transferring it to him.

Her small body melted into a gentle embrace, and Hadius flinched once again. With a short sigh, he gently pulled her closer with his arms that had been hanging loosely.

“Don’t cry.”

The heavy voice contained nothing but resignation, not knowing what to do.

“…I’m not… crying… because… I’m angry… or… hate you…”

Emilia struggled to speak, her voice breaking.

“It’s not because… I… dislike you… never…”

Instead of a response, he tightened his hold on her.

“Why… why I’m crying… I don’t… understand… I really don’t understand…”

Emilia tried to suppress the sobs that kept erupting, burying her face deeper into his embracing arms.

What should I do? How should I handle this?

Hadius thought dazedly, holding her trembling body gently, and realized that he could only wait.

Time passed immeasurably, flowing on its own.

Emilia gradually regained her composure. The man’s heart beneath her cheek returned to its normal rhythm. The chilly breeze that shook the autumn leaves cooled the heat that had reached her ears. Her damp face was drying, as if it had never been moist.

Emilia slowly straightened her body. It was difficult to face him after crying, making it hard to meet his gaze.

Hadius turned his head, gazing at the bridge of her nose, and then lowered his head further to look at her flat stomach.

“Does it hurt?”

Emilia’s eyes widened.

“It’s okay. Just fine,” she managed to answer, her face reddened like charcoal embers.

“Let’s go inside. It’s getting cold.”

Just as Hadius was about to take a step, he hesitated. His gaze drifted down again, toward her lower abdomen.

“Is it okay if we walk?”

It was such an unexpected question that it could make one laugh, but his serious expression prevented that.

“It’s alright.”

Hadius firmly held her wrist and began to walk ahead. Even though they hadn’t taken more than ten steps, he suddenly stopped again.

Another unexpected question flowed out.

“…Shall I carry you?”

Emilia’s eyes widened again.

“I’m worried. About you walking.”

Hadius lightly brushed the area around her abdomen with his fingertip, muttering to himself as if talking to no one.

“The king issued a decree in this area. There won’t be anyone around anyway…”

“Oh, no, it’s really okay.”

Emilia shook her head vigorously, pulling her buttocks backward.

Fortunately, he didn’t insist. Instead, he held her wrist more tightly and continued with slow steps.

While walking on the path that led to the annex, Emilia suddenly realized she had missed an important conversation.

“Thank you. For coming… so quickly.”

With a tingling sensation, the man’s fingers dug deeply between her fingers. Emilia could only close her eyes again.

Dahlia was in the room. She had just finished cleaning and was closing the window when she spotted Hadius and quickly bowed her head.

He paid no attention to the servants and didn’t act rudely. Strangely, he stared at Dahlia too intently. Feeling embarrassed, she hurriedly said, “Then… if you need anything, please call for me, miss,” and nearly ran from the room.

“Why…?”

Before Emilia could ask, he pulled her arm, guiding her to sit in a chair. On the table, there were warm tea, fruits, and sweet treats laid out.

Hadius sat with his legs crossed, his head lowered.

“It’s delicious, really…”

Emilia muttered to herself as she sliced the chewy flesh on both sides. The sweet fragrance made her mouth water.

But as soon as she took a full bite, her stomach churned, and bile rose. Emilia quickly covered her mouth with her hand.

The man across from her seemed to stiffen.

“It’s just morning sickness.”

Emilia quickly spoke.

“It’s nothing major. It’s a normal thing that pregnant women can experience. I’m not even experiencing it severely.”

“Who says that?”

Emilia glanced at him from the corner of her eye, brushing against the book. In the meantime, her heart settled, and she was able to chew again.

Hadius reached out his arm, with the wrinkles between his brows still intact, toward the stack of books.

Why of all things…

The book he grabbed without thinking was an explicit sexual education book that Dahlia had mistakenly brought, with graphic illustrations of various positions for successful conception and childbirth, enough to make one’s spine stiffen.

“That… You won’t find it very interesting, Lord…”

Hadius, who was flipping through the pages dryly, paused and suddenly looked at Emilia. It was the same gaze he had given Dahlia.

“How long will you keep calling me that?”

Emilia’s eyes widened at the sudden question.

“What?”

Then she realized.

Ah, he must be dissatisfied with the form of address again.

In the past, she would have retorted with references to the rules and laws of the world, but now she couldn’t do that. The life growing inside her had completely changed the situation.

“Well… What should I call you then?”

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He responded without any hesitation.

“I have a name.”

Hadius.

Emilia repeated his name in her mind as she briefly glanced at him.

He doesn’t mean I should change it right away, does he?

To Emilia, he had been “Master” for the past five years. Their relationship hadn’t officially changed, and it wasn’t easy to break a habit that had formed long ago.

“I’ll try my best. It’s not urgent…”

“Sure.”

Silence fell.

“Oh, it’s sticky.”

Emilia blurted out, fearing that her face might turn red for no reason. She quickly stood up from her seat, and she had to rummage through the drawer to find the wet towel that was right in front of her.

Emilia felt strangely relieved as she managed to swallow her rough breath, and she glanced at his hand with a sidelong glance. Her pounding heart told her that the side with the illustration was undoubtedly the wrong one.

Emilia discreetly glanced at the thickness of the book in his hand, trying to gauge it through the corner of her eye.

One more page and there would be an even more explicit scene…

“Y-Your Majesty…”

Emilia blurted. Hadius raised his head, and she quickly averted her gaze from the book.

“Her Majesty… has requested to see you in her study for a while.”

“…I see.”

His response was too short. Worried about making the situation awkward again, Emilia quickly spoke.

“I’m a bit worried. About my family… and the restaurant…”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“How?”

“I’ll have to be honest. My words will reassure them more than yours.”

Right.

Starting from the relationship with that man to the existence of the child, it wasn’t easy to reveal everything herself.

At a different time, she wouldn’t have known what to do out of anxiety. But now, Emilia felt relieved as if she had unloaded her last burden.

Setting down her teacup, she faintly smiled at him.

“…Thank you.”

Hadius quietly looked at Emilia, then turned his gaze out the window.

The sun was tilting westward, casting a pale light. When his gaze returned to Emilia, she looked just like a squirrel. The way she enjoyed eating with relish excited his heart.

Thump, someone knocked on the door. It was Dahlia. She faced Hadius, not Emilia.

“Her Majesty the Queen requests your presence in her private study.”

There was only one person who would be in the private study, and that was His Majesty the King. Hadius closed the book with a slightly annoyed expression.

“I’ll be back.”

Joseph greeted the young Meyer with two crystal wine glasses in his hand.

“Congratulations! Only when you observe the succession can you truly be considered the head of the family.”

The word “succession” didn’t resonate with Hadius any more than Emilia’s flat abdomen had.

“Although the situation is a bit difficult, we can’t help but raise a toast. Here, have one.”

The two of them faced each other while joined in the salute.

“Just received news from your aide. Apparently, in Eringer, they purposely caused a strike and managed to divert about 200 workers to Kund.”

“Yes.”

“Ha!”

The king laughed heartily as he downed his drink in one draught. Then, he glanced at Hadius as if it were his turn. In response, Hadius raised his glass toward the king and also downed it in one swift motion.

“Should I call it recklessness, or should I call it audacity?” Joseph refilled their drinks and spoke.

“Regardless, I hope everything goes according to plan without any mishaps. I will do my best to assist you!”

“If I successfully complete the succession, it will be all thanks to your Majesty’s greatness.”

“Ha! Why so humble all of a sudden?”

Yet, there was an unmistakable hint of satisfaction on Joseph’s face.

The two men emptied their glasses once again, only to be refilled.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard from the queen, but your little rabbit cried all day long. I suppose it missed you.”

Hadius chuckled unknowingly.

To think she cried because she missed me… Whether it was true or not, it was pleasant to hear.

“Now, listen to me carefully.”

The king’s gaze had a mysterious and intense glint.

“Now is the perfect opportunity. It’s about women…”

From Joseph’s alcohol-induced ramblings flowed sweet, sticky stories akin to flower petals and whispered secrets.

It was a tale that Hadius had heard from his comrades during his training days. Nevertheless, he nodded along and responded appropriately without losing his smile.

Joseph became more excited and continued his instructions. In the meantime, the bottle of alcohol rapidly emptied, and the king’s composure started to falter.

“Now, it’s time to go back.”

Suddenly staggering, he snatched the glass from Hadius’ hand.

“Let’s go and comfort the little rabbit trembling in loneliness. I heard the child had nightmares all night.”

“…Understood.”

Hadius supported the intoxicated king and helped him sit on a chair. Then, he called for the attendants.

“Oh my, Your Majesty. What made you drink so much…”

Ignoring the attendant’s chatter, Hadius left the room. The clock pointed to midnight.

…Is she asleep?

Although he had let most of the king’s drunken words flow past him, one thing was deeply imprinted in his mind.

Nightmares.

Ever since his childhood, Hadius had been plagued by nightmares.

Even after waking up, he vividly remembered those dreadful moments that clung to him, making it difficult to breathe.

He struggled to maintain his balance and headed straight to Emilia’s room. Coincidentally, Dahlia had just come out.

“She’s just fallen asleep. I left the lights on because she was scared.”

The maid opened the door, as if it were only natural for him to go inside. Through the crack in the door, he saw a small figure curled up like a child.

No, not a child.

As soon as that thought crossed his mind, a wave of dizziness washed over him.

A supple, slumbering figure of a woman slipped back inside.

She’s not a child…!

Hadius laughed bitterly. The still evident curves beneath the thin blanket were undoubtedly those of a grown woman. Memories of the many deeds he had committed slowly replayed in his sluggish mind, leading up to the moment when life was conceived within her.

To simply step inside for the sake of the woman who might have nightmares would be enough.

However, Hadius found himself hesitating inexplicably.