Magical Sex Potion

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"Anything else, Mr. MacMuffin?" his waitress asked. She must have walked over after finishing the the orders at the table of guffawing fat men. He hated the way his name sounded coming out of her mouth in her sweet musical voice; his last name had been the butt of so many jokes, he could only remember a third of them and the third had to number in the hundreds of thousands. He turned to face her, his throat tightening as he gazed upon her smiling beauty.

"N... nothing. Thank you. Just the check," he stammered and gave her a weak smile in return. She winked.

"Ok, be right back with the check, sweetie."

Dammit. He frowned as he watched her walk away in her cute green apron, her hair tied in a ponytail with a green ribbon to match. Why did he always have to be such a goddamn loser? He sighed. One day, he told himself, one day he'd gather up the courage to ask her out. And then he'd have the courage to not spew his meal all over her when she told him nope, no thanks, maybe some other time.

What he needed, he thought, was Dorothy to come skipping along the yellow brick road (probably yellow with urine as this was the city) and bring him to the Wizard, so he could ask for some courage. Then his problems would be solved. He glanced up and down the street from his table. No Dorothy. Not even Toto. He was shit out of luck yet again.

His waitress brought him the bill, told him to have a nice day, and was quickly waved over to the table of fat guys, still laughing over some lame joke, needing more beer. Melvin didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. Frowning, he left the cash on the table with a healthy tip for his waitress and made his way into the afternoon.@@