Mixed Feelings

I was stunned, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't see anything. Her face, Her smile, Her voice, everything was Flashing in my mind.

"You...you..ki...killed....her?" I asked with a shaking voice, he shrugs like it was nothing.

Suddenly, his face was inches far from me, his hand gripping my hair making me look at him.

"I told you not to say anything about us, but you slut said every single thing to her, what do you think I won't know what you did behind my back [He slapped on my cheek.] you actually thought to complain about me with your little bitch to police, Now you see what happened, because of YOU!! She's died [He shouted on my face] because of YOU!!! I had to kill her," he slapped hard on my cheek, "Because of YOU!!! I'm a murder now, you bitch," he slapped me again, "Now I can not wait until you are 18, I have to make you mine, you are becoming smarter day by day," with that he ripped my clothes, I was begging to stop, "No..please...Stop...I won't do that again...Please.No..."

I was shouting for help no one was there to rescue me, no one was there to save me from this monster.

I was lying naked under this monster, struggling to get out.

"Please I won't tell anyone...Please leave me..." I was sobbing, He removed his shirt and unbuttoned his pants.

"No...No...Please", I was crying out, He separated my legs and motioned himself between my legs," please..." I cried He slapped my cheek, grabbed my jaw "say daddy "he yelled on my face, "please...daddy," I said weeping, he grinned and grabbed his dick in his hand guiding it to my entrance. "No...No...No...please...Don't," I cried, I can feel his tip touching my entrance, I was screaming for help and trying to get up but his grip on me was strong.

This is it, it's over I thought to myself. His tip is rubbing my entrance, The door of my bedroom opened and my mom stepped inside hitting his head with a lamp. He rolled over me, I hurried to my mom hugging her, he was rolling on the bed. Groaning, holding his head. Blood was coming out of his head. Mom quickly took us to her room, closing and locking the door. I quickly put clothes on my body, mom called cops, in just 10min they came and arrested him. He was said guilty for killing my friend and sexually abusing me, they put him in jail with a penalty of 20 years in jail.

I said everything to mom, she cried hugging me. Apologizing ten thousand times for believing him and not knowing all about this, grandpa and Mary came to us, Mary apologized for her son's behavior, she was guilty. I said it wasn't her mistake that he turned out to be a psychopath.

After everything, for one year I didn't go outside, I didn't step outside of my house. I was responsible for her death, she died, because of me. I had nightmares about him, at midnights my mother used to run to my room hearing me screaming in my sleep, for days she didn't go to the job only because of me.

My mom thought its good to leave this place and move to my grandmother's house in Jacksonville, Florida. Grandma Gloria used to sleep with me at night every day, she has a major part in my life, she helped me overcome my guilt But I wasn't the same girl I used to be, I joined in a school there and continue my school where I left, I had to study same class twice, I never had any friend other than Beth who is in Los Angeles, she used to call every single day, I ignored her for days because of my depression, It was printed in my head that Whoever I love gets hurt, or leaves me in the end, One day at my mom's birthday party I meet Rory my best friend, he brought my true self outside again.

I started talking to everyone and slowly started forgetting about him, but Like before I'm not so strong Rory saved me from so many bullies. I never stood up for myself, I was broken.

Flashback End

Enzo was wiping my tears which I didn't notice falling down my cheeks, " I was never the same Enzo he smashed my self-confidence made me weak, I always tried to stand up for myself but I couldn't, somewhere deep down I still feel guilty for her death. For days my mom left her job and spent time with me, sometimes I see her crying at a corner, she did everything to bring me out of depression. She took me to so many Rehab Center, still, I didn't change" he was rubbing my back while listening to me "My mom got a job in Los Angeles, there.. my father has a house in his name so we moved in with grandma. I joined a school and was doing my 10th grade. After some days, We got to know that mom had cancer and she knows that, she was hiding it from us for days," I stopped, I couldn't talk about her death. I can't.....it hurts me so much.

He placed his hand under my chin and raised my head, I looked into his eyes. "Tell me," he said, "After her death...I couldn't take it anymore, the loneliness and depression...Every single day I used to cry and remember her asking god why did he do this to me. My father, Chole and now my mother, It was very difficult to live without her. Grandma took good care of me, she used to make me sleep in her room with her. She used to read bedtime stories for me like I'm a 5-year-old kid, it was hard for her too without my mom but she never showed it on her actions nor face. Beth also moved into our area, she changed to my school only for me, she was always there for me, she helped me to move on, she made sure that I talk to everyone in my class, I used to talk...only in front of her. Later Grandma had work in Florida, she used to travel a lot, I requested her to stay there, I promised her that I would take of my self she agreed and moved to Florida. From then I was living alone in my house, At first, it was hard but eventually, I got habituated to live alone. Beth's parents used to have a look at me every weekend...I was a mess[holding his face in my hands] my life has been better since the day I meet you, you make me live in present and forget about all bad things ever happened to me [moving closer to his chest] I feel warm, safe, happy and special in your arms.[leaning my head against his heart] I just want to stay near your heart like this forever."

He tightened his arms around me pulling me to his chest, I can hear his heart beating calmly.

We were like that for some time, enjoying the movement, lost in thoughts.

************

"Baby"

Enzo called, pulling me out my deep thoughts. I looked up at him, "let's go...its too late"

"Ok," I said standing up from his lap, he took my hand in his intertwining our fingers, I rest my head against his arms he kissed my head.

We walked off that spot and reached his car, he opened the door for me. I got inside, he closed it. I turned to buckle my seatbelt and saw someone's shadow near a tree, I was looking at it trying to see who was that, it was dark and it wasn't visible, noticing me looking at it they moved from there, "Are you okay?" Enzo asked I turned to him "I saw someone there," I said pointing to that tree, he looked at it for a second. I noticed the change in his expression and his features, before I could ask anything, He started the engine and moved from there with high speed, I was scared. He was driving in lighting speed, I was clutching the seatbelt every tightly.

I turned to him, "Enzo, what happen?Please slow down..." He didn't listen to me, he was checking in the mirrors whether we were being followed or not, "Enzo..." I called, he didn't listen.

I was so scared, I started crying "Enzo...you're scaring me," I shouted tears streaming down my cheeks, He turned to look at me. His eyes softened, he features softened, his grip on his steering wheel loosened.

All of a Sudden something came in front of our car, I noticed it first "Enzo!!!" I screamed.