Murderous Lewellyn's Candlelit Dinner

It was dark when Shavonne came back to the Ira apartment. If he had left the cafe and came straight to the apartment, he would have arrived before night, but Shavonne didn’t because he stopped by the grocery store to buy onions. The problem was that the grocery store closed early, perhaps because of the rain. So did all nearby grocery stores, as well as grocery stores where Shavonne was a regular.

Wasting time and power, Shavonne had to return home empty-handed. Fortunately, he wasn’t caught in the rain thanks to the umbrella Dr. Fawkes had given him.

Heavy rain poured into the pitch black night. The loud sound of rain was heard all over. The sound of footsteps, the sound of a wagon passing by in the distance, and the sound of the clock tower ringing at 9 p.m. weren’t so loud so they were buried.

Every time the rain fell, there was a ripple under my feet. A faint fog rose and faded all over. The deserted street was cool.

At the entrance of the apartment, Shavonne discovered ‘something’. It was a human silhouette, and the silhouette was wandering around like a ghost soaked in rain, perhaps without an umbrella. Shavonne guessed they liked getting rained on, but even if he just wanted to pass by, somehow the silhouette felt familiar.

Don’t tell me... Shavonne had a bad feeling and a dry mouth. Shavonne closed his umbrella with his sweaty hands in tension.

“…Lewellyn?”

Lewellyn looked around Shavonne. His wet face was pale like a ghost in the rain. Shavonne was at a loss for words. He couldn’t help but ask if he was waiting for him to come back.

“Shavonne.”

Lewellyn’s lips, which called him, were blue. No, it was a lifeless purple. Shavonne didn’t know how long Lewellyn had been in the rain and why he was waiting for Shavonne, but one thing was certain. The fact was that if he left him like that, Lewellyn would suffer hypothermia. Maybe he already had it.

“Mr. Lewellyn, let’s go in first…”

But Shavonne couldn’t finish talking because Lewellyn wanted to hug Shavonne, but stopped and stepped back. Shavonne couldn’t hide his suspicious face. Even if he understood the trying to hug, why did he step back?

The question was answered immediately.

“Because you said not to…”

Shavonne noticed what Lewellyn was talking about. It was the conversation they had before, on the day when Shavonne asked whether Lewellyn was a killer or not.

“…” Shavonne let out a silent sigh. “…Let’s go in first.” Shavonne shared an umbrella with Lewellyn. To be exact, he was going to use it. However, it was uncomfortable to raise the umbrella because of the height difference. Shavonne was also above average, but Lewellyn was much taller.

Damn it, I won’t use it. Shavonne passed the umbrella over. Lewellyn reached out the handle as it was handed over to him to make it easier for him to take over. “Use it alone.”

However, Lewellyn didn’t take the umbrella, he didn’t even grab the handle. The umbrella fell and laid on the floor. Muddy water splashed on the umbrella that left stains. “Why aren’t you answer…” Shavonne, who was about to ask, suddenly shut up. It was a moment when Lewellyn realized that he didn’t take the umbrella as he was “not able to”.

Lewellyn’s hands were shaking. Far from taking over the umbrella, it was so bad that he couldn’t hold anything.

A pale face, purple lips, a weak gaze, a hoarse voice, and trembling hands… Shavonnee saw Lewellyn so unstable for the first time. He never thought Lewellyn could ever be like he was right now, but it turned out that Lewellyn was in a situation as risky as a man on a cliff.

He didn’t know the circumstances. Shavonne couldn’t even guess what Lewellyn was thinking and how he felt, but he did know one thing: why Lewellyn became the man on a cliff and wasn’t the usual Lewellyn.

Shavonne.

Because of Shavonne.

“… You must be cold.”

Shavonne picked up the umbrella. Lewellyn came in and raised it high with his hands so that he could avoid the rain.

“Let’s go in.”

Lewellyn didn’t move. He just stopped in the rain like a person who saw nothing and heard nothing. The wet eyes because of the rain were staring at Shavonne. 

Shavonne sighed a little. He didn’t know what the problem was, he needed to solve it. Severe hypothermia could lead to a coma and his muscles could be damaged. Of course, it was now a mild hypothermia at a level where the face became white and lips became purple, but if Lewellyn remained out here for ten or five more minutes, it may worsen to severe hypothermia.

“Mr. Lewellyn,” He said out of the blue as he tried to approach Lewellyn. Then, a hoarse and cracked voice flowed through Lewellyn’s purple lips.

“I’m… “

It was raining, and still…

“…I’m afraid of you.”

The sound of rain covered the whole world. Shavonne was silent but only for a moment. Leaving the question he wanted to ask Lewellyn back behind, Shavonne pretended to be calm and calmed down his emotions.

“What I’m afraid of is that you’re going to die of hypothermia.”

He strode closer and took Lewellyn’s hand. His hands were freezing. Even if he were dead, Lewellyn wouldn’t be so cold. Even so, Shavonne didn’t let go of Lewellyn’s hand. Rather than letting it go, he did as much as he could to keep their hands together. The warmth of Shavonne’s hand spread to Lewellyn’s. Slow, but certainly.

“Let’s go in.”

The night was long. It was enough time to dry Lewellyn’s wet body.

***

It didn’t take much time for Lewellyn to return as usual.

“Bring me a blanket too. Maybe a cotton blanket for winter.”

Shavonne had brought Lewellyn into his house and gave him a blanket because he felt sorry for Lewellyn, seeing him shaking as pale as a ghost. Thanks to the blanket and warm tea, his face regained the color and his lips turned blue, but Lewellyn firmly pretended to be uncomfortable.

Right, let’s say you find it uncomfortable to move because you yield it a hundred times. He looked perfectly fine as usual, but it was only on the outside, he could still be hurt inside.

But he kept saying: “All right. Mr. Shavonne’s going to give me a blanket and make me some tea”, ” I’m going to get sick often” and so on. He had the power to say all that but not to take a blanket himself. He had no credibility whatsoever. Shavonne frowned his eyebrows and didn’t just let it go.

“If you’re fine, do it yourself.”

“My God. Do I look fine to you, Shavonne?”

Shavonne replied by scanning Lewellyn up and down. “Yes. You’re perfectly fine.”

Lewellyn lowered his eyebrows. “Shavonne is bad.”, ” What do you mean?”, ” I was planning to ask Shavonne if he would lie down with me if he brought me a blanket.”, ” I hope you’re glad to have ruined the plan.”

Shavonne pointed to Lewellyn’s forehead. He didn’t have a fever. Far from having a fever, he was cold like a dead person. Shavonne looked at Lewellyn. You don’t seem to have a headache, and you don’t seem to have a sore throat. I think you’ll be fine from the cold.

“You’ve been waiting for me, right?”

Shavonne asked. Lewellyn looked at Shavonne and laughed a little. He put down the teacup and answered.

“Of course. Do you think I was there getting rained on for no reason?”

“You could’ve waited inside, you know, in your house, or at least in the lobby.”

“The air outside was too good to be inside.”

Shavonne just asked another thing instead of refuting Lewellyn’s excuse.

“What about an umbrella? Why didn’t you bring one?”

“I forgot.”

“Even if you did, you could have just gone back and got it back.”

“I couldn’t have done that.”

“Why? Were you uncomfortable at that time as you were just now?” Shavonne’s voice was grumpy. Lewellyn smiled with a laugh. A response came from Lewellyn’s mouth.

“Do you really want to hear it?”

“I asked because I wanted to hear it.”

“Maybe that’s not the answer you want.”

“When did you only answer what I wanted?”

“I do. Always, sincerely, do my best.”

“Are you going to keep changing the subject?”

“Yes. I’m going to keep changing the subject.”

…It was a quarrel in which Shavonne couldn’t see the end. It was obvious why Lewellyn didn’t say a word. He didn’t want to tell him why he didn’t bring an umbrella. Shavonne kept his mouth shut to demand an answer. He crossed his arms and looked stubbornly into Lewellyn. Only then did Lewellyn sigh. I get it, if you want to hear it so much…

“What if Mr. Shavonne came while I was coming back from taking the umbrella?”

“…”

Shavonne was speechless.

“Mr. Shavonne could have come and I would have missed it. I couldn’t let that happen.”

“…You can’t do that because of an umbrella.”

There was silence.

“Well, that’s the answer you wanted to hear. Are you satisfied now?”

Lewellyn had a smiling face. It was as per Lewellyn’s warning. That wasn’t the answer Shavonne wanted. The answer was too burdensome for Shavonne to handle. Damn it. Shavonne bit his lower lip. 

“But you didn’t always wait for me.”

“You’re wrong. I have always waited for Shavonne.”

I could only fall asleep when I saw Mr. Shavonne coming home safely, added Lewellyn with a smiling face. Shavonne refuted it.

“But you didn’t do it in the rain anyway.”

“Ah, that’s a quirk of mine,” explained Lewellyn, still smiling. Shavonne didn’t understand what he meant, so he frowned and asked back.

“Quirk?”

“Yes,” replied Lewellyn. “I’m the type to lose it when I’m alone on a rainy day.”

Shavonne wanted to ask if that was true, how that could make him ‘lose it’, but Shavonne held back. If he asked hastily, Shavonne might hear an answer that was too burdensome for him to handle again.

“What about you, Mr. Shavonne?”

Lewellyn asked. Only then did Shavonne escape from his thoughts and looked back at Lewellyn with a ‘What?’ look. Lewellyn reached out and put his hand on Shavonne’s cheek. The hand that swept Shavonne’s cheek was kind. “Why did Mr. Shavonne leave me alone?” Lewellyn asked again in a sweet voice. “Mn? Why did you make me lose it?”

Shavonne grabbed Lewellyn’s hand and took it off gently. Shavonne’s voice answering was calm.

“I met a friend.”

At that moment, Lewellyn’s eyes squinted. Shavonne didn’t notice.

“Do you have friends?”

At the straightforward question, Shavonne frowned his eyebrows and asked back. “Do I look like I don’t?” Of course Shavonne knew the answer. Lewellyn had never seen Shavonne in contact with a friend, so it was not unreasonable for Lewellyn to misunderstand. However, apart from knowing that, Shavonne’s pride was hurt anyway.

“You do.” Lewellyn calmly agreed and asked calmly. “Do you need friends?”

When dealing with Lewellyn, there was often a sense of difference, as when Lewellyn made a statement that was different from common sense like he did now. What kind of life made Lewellyn have a way of thinking that didn’t fit with ‘common sense’? Shavonne answered as he studied Lewellyn’s face.

“Yes. A person needs friends to live in this world.”

The world, the world… Lewellyn repeated that word to himself. What kind of life made Lewellyn have a way of thinking that the word “world” felt unreachable?

Shavonne wondered what Lewellyn’s life had been like, but Shavonne didn’t ask. Even if it was pure curiosity for Shavonne, it could be an unforgettable wound for Lewellyn. Shavonne didn’t want to hurt his partner.

“Mr. Shavonne, can’t I be the only one in your world?”

Mr. Shavonne is the only one in my world, Lewellyn’s voice felt sad.

Shavonne would have scolded or turned his head around saying, “You’re talking nonsense,” but not to Lewellyn. He couldn’t do that. Shavonne looked back on his memory when he believed that lovers were everything in the world. He couldn’t remember any time, though. Maybe there had never been a time in 29 years when he believed in it so much.

Lovers didn’t become lovers only by love. Not only the favorable feelings commonly called love, but also the status, property, and sexual orientation should be considered. Sometimes reality could be more important than love.

Someday Lewellyn would know that relationships between each other were much more than romance. That’s why Shavonne felt a corner of his heart getting mixed up. All Shavonne could do was hope that it wasn’t Shavonne himself who taught Lewellyn the truth.

Shavonne hugged Lewellyn instead of answering. He felt Lewellyn’s body flinch from the unexpected hug. Shavonne buried his face around Lewellyn’s neck. As always, Lewellyn’s body was as cold as a dead body, but it was better than before.

“In my world, there’s just you.”

He wasn’t lying. It was different from what Lewellyn said, but anyway, in Shavonne’s world, only Lewellyn was by ‘his side’.

“Just you.”

He mumbled as if it were just to himself, fixed his posture and hugged Lewellyn firmly. Breath poured down the neck of Lewellyn. It was then that Lewellyn turned his head and saw Shavonne.

“Mr. Shavonne, you couldn’t blame anyone who is out of his mind for anything they did?”

That was out of the blue. Shavonne blinked because he didn’t understand the intentions of Lewellyn’s question. His voice showed signs of bewilderment. “They’re not in their right mind so… I guess I couldn’t.”

“Right?” As Lewellyn even got confirmation, he asked. “So you can’t blame me for this, can you?”

Before Shavonne could ask what he meant, something heavy touched Shavonne’s lips. Lips. Lewellyn’s lips. That word popped into Shavonne’s head and sunk deeply until it disappeared. Shavonne couldn’t open his lips. No, he didn’t think he should.

Shavonne was embarrassed. It was embarrassing that Lewellyn’s lips were cold and felt like the skin of a baby, but what was most embarrassing was that Lewellyn was comfortable. Lewellyn’s lips and his cold breath didn’t bother him at all.

Shavonne didn’t like to kiss anyone. He refused to kiss his prior 30 lovers or sex partners. They has tried it over and over again, but to no result. Also, when they tried it again, he would leave.

Shavonne couldn’t help it. Kissing felt uncomfortable, it was the breath of a stranger. He wasn’t happy that he had to kiss someone and breathe in each other’s breath.

But, Lewellyn…

Shavonne couldn’t think.

“…”

Lewellyn licked Shavonne’s closed lips, cleaned it carefully, licked it as if he wanted to eat him all, and then, he lightly bit the bottom lip. It hurts. Shavonne grimaced and then moaned. Lewellyn didn’t miss it. No, maybe it was intended.

Lewellyn’s tongue was sticking in Shavonne’s mouth. He thought it would be as cold as Lewellyn’s lips, but it wasn’t. He was mistaken. Lewellyn’s tongue was as hot as fire. I was sweet and persistent. I was sticky and greedy. The tongue searched the mouth freely, the tender flesh in the mouth, the tongue that carefully scanned the gums and teeth, as if he were asking, “Do you want to date me?”.

Lewellyn sucked, licked and swallowed Shavonne’s lips without even giving him time to catch his breath. He stroked Shavonne’s neck with both hands, groped in his ear, grabbed Shavonne’s back, and turned it into a mess.