The Twenty-first Song – 《I Want to Go to the Beach》

T/N: The Chinese name of this song is 想去海边.

Our second month of living together, my work also entered the year-end crematorium mode1.

Around July to August, our group received the double eleven2 notices from major brands one after another, and there were so many things to be briefed on that I was blurting out cusses on the inside, but what could I do, I could only put on a smile after having a meltdown.

The need to overtime increased significantly, and the time I had to accompany Lu Chengze also decreased significantly. Every night at seven o’clock, I would tell him to go home first, and not to pick me up at the office or meet me at the subway station.

Because I did not know what time I would be able to go back.

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But no matter how late I arrived home, he was always still awake, either at the door, on the sofa, or in front of the computer.

Hugging him and complaining became a daily routine.

During the day at the office, I was on my heels, like an exquisite and sharp tool made for mass murderer, and at night I became a small train running on empty, just hanging my head and whimpering, wuwuwuwuwu.

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Nyvlzu, vbkp aswvkdl oyp plv sd alrlyv.

Nw Ubldt oswze zkpvld yde nsxqsav xl, cwv vseyu, bl pwttlpvle: “Rq usw yal yzoyup ps vkale, pbswze usw nsdpkela nbydtkdt uswa fsc?”
R pwcnsdpnkswpzu pvayktbvldle xu wrrla cseu yde alvsavle, “Rq usw’al vkale, usw pbswze nbydtl uswa fsc. Mbld kq uswa qllzkdtp nbydtl, pbswze usw nbydtl uswa ryavdla?”
Nw Ubldtgl rascyczu eke dsv lmrlnv xl vs pyu vbkp, yde oyp pkzldv.
R zssjle yv bkp iwklv qynl, okvbealo qasx bkp zyr yde oldv vs oypb wr.

R jdlo xu osaep olal y ckv vss xwnb, yde vbl xsxldv R vwadle xu blye xu dspl pvyavle vs vwad pswa. Rv oyp clnywpl sq vbl lmbywpvkdt yde vlekswp osaj R bye clld eskdt ewakdt vbl eyu…… yde yzz svbla psavp sq vbkdtp. R caswtbv vblpl ydmkswp lxsvksdp vs xu rsavyczl nbyatla, xu zkvvzl rydey. Tl oyp kddsnldv.

Ebyv oswze bl vbkdj sq xl?

R nzsple vbl essa clbkde xl yde pyv sd vbl cyvbassx vskzlv qsa y zsdt vkxl.

Gqvla alqzlnvkdt, R vssj swv xu rbsdl, qswde xu ElUbyv Fvknjklp, yde vbl xsxldv R srldle vbl nbyv csm xu blyav vbasccle clnywpl kv alye, “Mbl svbla ryavu kp vurkdt” yv vbl vsr.

Tl oydvle vs plde y xlppytl vs xl.

Yyucl kv oyp clnywpl R nzknjle kdvs vbl ekyzst csm yv vbl pyxl vkxl, Nw Ubldtgl ekpnshlale xu ralpldnl.

He stopped typing and turned back to “Little Panda”.

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Then a video request popped up.

I didn’t hesitate to pick it up.

We looked at each other.

He was looking down into the camera, and even this angle which was most certainly guaranteed to make any person look terrible, looked good on him.

He seemed to be trying to figure out where I was, a searching look in his eyes: “Are you constipated?”
I saw myself in the small window and the corners of my lips curved up, “No.”

I know I stayed in the bathroom too long, because I was avoiding him, because I was too deep in my reflection.

“If you don’t come out I’m going to break down the door.” He sounded threatening.

I snorted out of my nose with laughter and I also observed his surroundings. There were white walls but I couldn’t figure it out.

I said: “Don’t disturb me, I’m thinking behind closed doors.”
His brow tightened slightly, as if he didn’t understand: “Thinking about what?”

I said: “Just now I did not speak very well, I turned my head, and left.”

I took a light breath: “In fact, it was that, in that moment, I felt like I had been stabbed. I suddenly felt that I was like the work I handled. When I liked it, I could usually live with it harmoniously, but at certain moments, it would feel thorny and loathsome, and I was worried that you would see me that way.”
Lu Chengze then did not speak for a moment: “What makes you think so?”

People who bared their inner thoughts were always prone to vulnerability, and I shook my head, feeling confused and frustrated: “I don’t know. Maybe because…… I’m not the kind of person who would easily change jobs, even if the hard work is temporary, everything will be fine if you get through it. I have faced such moments for three years, the first two years without you, but this year was with you. You are still the same, emotionally stable, but I had to switch to another mode, being busy and anxious, and there is no way for me to stay positive all the time, but I’m also afraid that you’ll feel left out. When you said that today, I was suddenly overcome with emotion, and I shouldn’t have been like that.”

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Lu Chengze then said: “You are the one who treats me like a job.”
I felt wronged: “When did I treat you as a job.”

“I’m not your colleague and superior, so what’s wrong with having emotions in front of me.”

I pursed my lips, feeling my heart become soft: “But we have lived together for all this time and you haven’t even gotten mad at me.”
Lu Chengze then said: “Is falling in love a deal? A crying face for a crying face, a smiling face for a smiling face, and calculating every little thing. Aren’t you tired?”

“I am afraid you’ll get tired of me while waiting like this every day, listening to me pouring out my bitterness and after double eleven is over there’s still double twelve3, there’s no end to it all.”
I can’t imagine that before our period of being head over heels in love is over, my dopamine is going to be worn out by reality.

“I feel tired when you’re like this,” he let out a breath, his voice helpless and shameless: “You’re still not coming out, the toilet smells better than me, does it?”

I laugh: “Okay, okay, I’ll be right out.”

Hanging up the call, I walked out of the bathroom. Lu Chengze is at the door, holding his phone in one hand, lowering his eyes to look at me, looking like he was smiling yet not smiling at the same time.

I glared at him, and he dragged me directly into his arms.

I circled my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, smelling the faint fragrance which came from his body, a fragrance that you could only smell if you were as close to him as I was: a comfortably warm, tangerine orange, setting summer sun on the coast.

I sunk into this moment, not wanting to pull away at all, and whispered: “You find something to do, too.”
He said: “I work every day.”
I said: “I mean when you’re off work. I don’t want you waiting on me like a puppy every night.”
And he followed me with the superimposed words: “What awesome dog breed can play games while waiting for his wife?”

I froze at the suddenly and causally called unfamiliar title, but I didn’t correct or point it out, instead I rejoiced: “The only one of its kind, Lu Chengze Puppy.”
He replied with an “Oh,” seemingly unaffected, but I knew he must have been smiling at an angle I could not see.

I then coaxed: “You can no longer say it’s okay, It will make me feel guilty. I will think, ‘What do I do? I’m too busy to make my boyfriend happy today.'”
Lu Chengze then smiled, like a small but bright firework bursting above my head: “I’m very happy now, thanks.”

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I raised the corners of my lips, equally happy.

We turned back into two big happy hearts, kindred souls.

Lu Chengze’s heart seemed to have a seeing function, he cupped my face in his hands, forbidding me to be the only one happy and decided to expose me: “Is it still this feeling?”
I looked at him: “What feeling?”
He also looked at me: “The feeling of being right.”
I said: “It’s been that way the entire time.”
He said: “OK, that’s a relief.”

After showering and returning to bed, I pillowed my head on Lu Chengze’s chest and played with my phone. After checking and replying to my work WeChat, I held my phone upside down in front of me and remembered that just now in the bathroom, he didn’t send the last message which he had been typing.

I was curious: “What did you just want to say to me when you were typing in WeChat for so long.”
He didn’t think too long: “I wanted to ask you how long you were planning to stay in the bathroom. The time I get to see you every day is not much.”
I do not believe: “Really?”
Lu Chengze said: “Why else would I send a video call request?”

I set aside my phone, sat up and faced him: “Then you can look at me more, I won’t do anything else, I’ll just let you look your fill.”
He was next to the pillow. His posture was lazy, but the look on his face was focused and concentrated.
Who could stand to be looked at like that? I turned my eyes away from him.
He couldn’t help but laugh, and returned to his normal state.

I said: “I also happened to open our chatting window in WeChat at that time.”
He said, “I saw it,” and asked, “What did you want to say?”

I wanted to say……

In fact, I did not think about what to say at the time. I only opened WeChat wanting to make an apology and peace, but I was not sure of how to put it down in writing.
It was just that as soon as I opened the window, I saw that the other party was already there, concerned and worried like I was, and at the time, no words were better than a thousand words.

But at this moment, I thought of what to say, so I said: “Wait until the end of the year after this busy wave. As my compensation for you, we’ll go out and play, and get away from work.”

“Where do you want to go?”
“Where do you want to go?”
We threw out the same question at the same time, our tacit understanding like the chorus of a song.

Lu Chengze then picked up his phone and looked at it: “Let’s do this, it’s going to be one o’clock soon, let’s each think about it for a few minutes, and at one o’clock sharp, we’ll share a song with each other and see where we’ll go.”

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Afraid of him getting a glimpse of my answer, I moved half a meter away and started looking through the playlist, some about the names of places and some about the scenery, and finally, my finger stopped on one of them.

I looked at Lu Chengze and announced in advance: “I’ve found it.”
His eyelashes were slightly raised: “I’ve found it too.”

Together, we ceremoniously counted down 3——2——1——, and shared our song to each other.

The same song, at the same moment, appeared in the same chat window, but from two different people.

《I Want to Go to the Beach》

Save me, how could it be exactly the same?

Was he a magician? I was surprised and delighted, I asked incredulously: “How come you couldn’t think of anything else?”
Lu Chengze, on the other hand, tilted his phone toward me, slightly smug: “Because I was also looking through your playlist.”

Index:

[1] In essence, they’re getting really busy. Their work is shifting into overdrive.

[2] Double eleven = November 11th 

[3] Double twelve = December 12th