My Amazing Boyfriend

Trigger Warning - dark humor

According to the annual official statistics of City F, there is a 95% success rate for the 1,200 people who propose on a rooftop. Of those failed proposals, 1% will jump off from the building. This is one of the reasons why the success rate is so high, because human lives are at stake. 

Tian Jingzhi stood on the rooftop of a TV station, looking down upon the ever glowing street lights. Wondering if the next day’s newspaper headlines would be along the lines of: “Popular Artist Commits Suicide, A Beauty’s Life Cut Short”. Whatever. As long as the picture in the news uses a nice beauty filter for her. Afterall, her face was the only thing that her mother, Ms. Qiu Meiyun, showed off. 

However, with her super unlucky nature, she might just jump and fall into a passing garbage truck. 

Thinking of this, Tian Jingzhi retracted her legs back.

“Hey! Miss Tian, you’ve already been at this for the last half hour, are you jumping or not?!” The security guard could not help, but finally opened his mouth to question her. People of this generation are so weak to pressure. Thinking of killing themselves whenever something doesn’t go their way. However, once faced with death, they hesitate too. How can these people achieve great things in life? 

Tian Jingzhi turned to face the security guard and angrily replied, “You’re just sitting there, leisurely watching my ‘show’. I didn’t even ask for money, and you still dare to rush me?!”

“You type of ‘show’ runs too often. When wronged, you run up to the rooftop for ‘some air’. No matter how scenic it is up here, you should at least consider your audience's semantic satiation.”

Tian Jingzhi gritted her teeth. She’s already about to die, maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to bring a buddy. 

“Hey, is it because you just broke up with someone?”

“If only it was that simple.” Tian Jingzhi covered her face as she recalled what had happened two hours ago, “The dimwitted me went to propose earlier tonight.”

The security guard showed sympathy as he guessed the ending, "Rejected?"

“If only it was that simple.” Tian Jingzhi sighed, “I had invited all my friends to witness that charade.”

The security guard choked up, "...All your face was lost."

Tian Jingzhi also choked out, "If only it was that simple, I notified both side’s parents, and they all notified their relatives privately. My uncles, aunts, and cousins all flew back from the United States. All to witness this unforgettable day."

Truly an unforgettable day. The security guard sighed, “.....sorry to hear that.”

“If only it was that simple.”

The security guard cried, “It gets worse?!”

“After he rejected me, in front of all my acquaintances, he proposed to my most hated childhood friend.”

“Male?”

“If only it was that simple, that woman had stolen six of my ex-boyfriends.”

“And now it’s number seven.”

“....Even worse, she had rejected him.” 

Her childhood friend did not even want the man that she had wanted to marry… The security guard felt that he had been hit with arrows from every direction. This girl was not a bowswoman, she was a literal porcupine! He jumped to his feet and shouted, “Miss Tian, if there was a contest of who had the worst luck, no one would claim first place if you said you were second! Jump, just jump! At worst, I will just lose my job and pick up recyclable bottles from the streets.”

He’d trade his job to watch her die, where did this dimwit come from? When did her life become so meaningless? Humans make decisions on impulse. But with the fool, her impulse had resided like a tidal wave. She wanted to continue to live. If death wasn’t so scary, why should she be afraid of living?

Moreover, she had two more paychecks coming in this month. Why does she need to die?

“Ah, Miss Tian, where are you going? Are you not going to jump anymore? With your current situation, there’s no point in living, right?”

Feeling like an idiot, Tian Jingzhi just wanted to go home and sleep.

When someone so unlucky, with no one to even dissuade her from self-harming thoughts, the only thing that made her feel better was her new pre-owned luxury vehicle. This was the proof that the local police were still at work, from sunrise to sunbreak and they were there to serve the people. It was heaven's mercy that her car was parked in the same place, unscratched.  

On her drive home, Tian Jingzhi thought to herself that this was the darkest day of her life. And tomorrow, it will be even worse; there will only be countless sympathy and ridicule waiting for her. What will be in the newspaper tomorrow? Instead of ‘A Beauty’s Life Cut Short’, ‘Artist Rejected by Her Fan’ would be the new title…

“I want to die! I can’t live anymore!” Tian Jingzhi slammed her head on the steering wheel while she was at a red light. 

It happened in an instant. A red sports car was driving east, over one hundred thirty miles an hour. Tian Jingzhi only heard a whistle when the truck beside her made a sharp right. Her car was flipped over and she was thrown out of her car. Up into the air she went, and down on the shattered glass, she landed.

And the box of rose petals in her passenger seat was also thrown out. It opened and scattered into the air, as if it was raining rose petals. 

Tian Jingzhi was even more reluctant to die in such a scenic way. She wanted to call for help, but only blood came out of her mouth. She couldn’t feel or move her fingers and was helpless as she watched her blood draining out of her. As if it had its own conscience, her blood slowly moved towards a humanoid object not far from her. Rose petals continued to fall under the bright street light, the object swelled as it sucked all of her blood like a sponge. Then, with a hand supporting its head, the humanoid figure slowly made their way towards her. 

She had read somewhere that when a person dies, they will see things that most living people cannot. Tian Jingzhi tried to keep her eyes open, but her vision was like a static tv, flickering on and off. Before she had completely fainted, she heard: “You are too blessed, woman.”

Yes, very blessed, because there are no more misfortunes waiting for her tomorrow.