My beautiful boss and I

I went on: "Duke Donggao and huangfune refused to repay their kindness with dunyin, and the fisherman's father-in-law and Huansha's wife tragically refused to repay their kindness. They did not intend to repay their kindness completely. Wu Zixu's gratitude is also to do his best, it is precisely because the benefactor and the recipient have done their best to deduce such a brilliant chapter. However, when things go to extremes, everything must have a certain degree, which is also aimed at the problem of giving and repaying kindness. Don't go to extremes, otherwise it will be a tragedy. "

"Is there a story about this?" Lao Li looks at me.

I nodded: "yes, it's about the story of Jin Wengong Chonger."

Lao Li said, "did you tell me about it?"

"Yes I nodded.

"Tell me!" Lao Li said, "I really want to hear it!"

I said: "Chong Er, Duke Wen of Jin Dynasty, has been in exile for 19 years. Many people who followed him have made immortal contributions in exile. These contributions, to put it bluntly, have been kind to him in the most difficult time. One of them is Jie Zitui. When Jin Wengong was dying of hunger, he cut off his thigh to make soup and saved him. After Chong'er's restoration, he rewarded him for his merits. When others were competing with each other for more merits, Jie Zitui hid home and weaved straw sandals, but he couldn't get rid of them.

"His mother asked him why. He said that the reason why Wen Gong was able to restore his country was due to his virtuous and mature conditions. It was God's will. Where is our credit? Nowadays, some people are unreasonable and strive for success and profit. I despise them very much. I would rather weave straw sandals all my life than do it for myself. Mother said that if you don't become an official, you must meet the monarch! Zi Tui said, "I don't ask you. What do you do when I see him?"? Mother said, well, since you can be a honest man, can't I be the mother of honest men? So Jie Zi was very happy and went to the mountain with his mother. He went to hide in the mountain forest

"Of course, if Jie Zitui really doesn't want to see Jin Wengong or go to court at this time, he should write a letter to Chong'er. Even out of politeness, he should be able to tell his true thoughts clearly. He should have the ability, or ask some friends to help him express his wish. No matter whether it's OK or not, as long as he does it, Jie Zitui should be the best It's no longer a good example to show kindness.

"Besides, Duke Wen of Jin, if he really can't bear it, then he will give Jie Zitui the mountain where he lived in seclusion. It's even a reward for his kindness. Both sides are satisfied with it, and their reputation is both good harvest. But they didn't do it. The two" one axis "met, and sparks came out.

"Duke Wen of Jin is a man who will repay his kindness. When he led the army to search the mountain, he must repay Jie Zitui. Jie Zitui hid around in the mountain behind his mother's back, but he didn't let you find him. The more Jin Wengong can't find it, the more he wants to find it. The more you want to find me, the more I won't let you find it. A few days later, Duke Wen of Jin came up with a unique way to set the mountain on fire. Jie Zitui was a filial son. He was afraid of hurting his mother and would come out of the mountain. The fire burned for three days. As a result, Jie Zitui's mother and son hugged each other and died under the withered willows. "

When Lao Li heard this, he broke in and said, "how can I feel angry and funny about this? One forced his benefactor to die in order to repay his kindness, and the other killed his mother and himself in order not to repay his kindness. They really made a ridiculous tragedy. It's obviously a good thing, but in the end, it's such an ending. "

I said: "yes, it finally made Duke Wen of Jin regret all his life. But the common people miss Jie Zitui very much and set up a memorial day for him, which is the origin of cold food festival. To tell you the truth, Jie Zitui's behavior is not what I agree with in my heart. His behavior can be divided into two parts: before and after setting fire. The former part is to show kindness but not to repay, while the latter part is to be stupid and corrupt. I think the memory of cold food festival should be the recognition of his previous kindness. "

Lao Li listened attentively and nodded: "well..."

I said: "in fact, my feeling is that giving kindness is just a kind of mentality that we should pursue, not a kind of behavior that we deliberately imitate. As I said before, "do good without leaving a name.". We can think of not leaving a name, but we can't delay doing good because we are afraid of leaving a name. We don't want to achieve anything by doing good. Helping others is just our inner wish.

"For example, when you give someone a seat on the bus, they don't say" thank you "and don't feel uncomfortable! It's not to give up your seat just to listen to a "thank you"; after donating money, don't get angry if you don't have your name on the red list. If you don't have it, you don't have it. Donating money isn't to make it on the red list. You've done a lot to help others, but they've never invited you to a meal. Don't be aggrieved if you don't have it. It's not to eat when you help them. If everyone can handle things with the mentality of "being kind to me, not to me, not to others", how can society be disharmonious? How can psychology be unbalanced? "

Lao Li looked at me thoughtfully: "young man, go on."

I said: "Uncle Li, I personally think that the most important mentality for benefactor is benefactor. The benefactor regards helping others as a condition or a capital. He is always proud and arrogant of his kindness to others. It always makes the recipient feel that he owes him. As time goes on, the recipient will resent from kindness, then resent from resentment, and finally turn into hatred."Xu you in the Three Kingdoms is an example. He left Yuan Shao when Cao Cao was in the most difficult time and went to Cao Cao. Cao Cao met him barefoot. With his help, Cao Cao won the decisive victory in the battle of Guandu. It opened up a new situation for the northern hegemony. It should be said that Xu you is kind to Cao Cao, Cao Cao also admits, but you can't always express your kindness to others! It's like if you don't remind people all the time, they will forget. Finally, Cao Cao can't bear it. You must know the final result

"I am not an apprentice. This is Bai Juyi's exclamation in the process of releasing fish. Helping people doesn't need to be grateful, which is related to the character and mentality of life. The utilitarian society gives birth to people's utilitarian heart. Everything they do reveals the shadow of transaction. As long as they pay, they want to return, which has become a social fact. I don't have to be as vigorous and tragic as the ancients when I say these things today. I just think it's not a bad thing for me to have a mentality of giving kindness without repaying it. "

Lao Li looked at me intently and nodded: "well..."

Finally, I said: "of course, there is a principle for the benefactor not to return, that is, to maintain the dignity of the benefactor. If you help others, they will sincerely thank you. Don't be too stubborn. Just like Jie Zitui, you will not only help others in vain, but also lead to conflicts. If you don't do a good job, it's the most worthless In short, what I want to say is one sentence: it is a state of mind and a state of being a person to show kindness without trying to repay it Of course, my level is not high, just a little bit under the influence of my parents' education. Uncle Li, you are a respected elder, and you must be a model of our generation. "

In the end, I deliberately put a tall hat on Lao Li.

After listening to me, Lao Li looked a little embarrassed, then fell into a long silence, looked at the sea for a long time, and didn't say a word

I took out two cigarettes and handed them to Lao Li. He took them and put them to his mouth. I lit them with a lighter. Lao Li took a deep breath and slowly puffed out two puffs of smoke from his nostrils

I lit myself and continued to sit cross legged on the rock, watching the sea, listening to the sound of seabirds chasing and cheering, smoking silently

"I can't believe you know a lot." After a while, Lao Li turned to look at me and said with a smile, "Xiaoyi, you read a lot of books, don't you? Like to see history? "

"I don't read many books. I just like to hear about history." I said.

"Oh Then you are better than me. For so many years, I have been busy with government affairs and social activities all day. I have no time to read books or listen to history The two stories you just told were actually told by storytellers when I was very young, but I almost forgot them. " Lao Li said: "I can't imagine that I've been taught a lesson by you young man today for half my life I can't imagine that you are young and at the bottom of the society, but you have such a high level of thinking. "

I said: "Uncle Li, don't say that. Just now I dare to show off to you. You are an experienced elder. You walk more roads than I walk across bridges. You eat more salt than I eat rice. How dare I give you a lesson? I'm just talking about my humble opinions in front of you and asking you for some advice. As for the so-called ideological realm, I'm a teacher It's not very high, but I think a person's ideological level has nothing to do with his social class. It can't be said that a person with money and power must have a high ideological level, right? In fact, Qian Hequan does not represent a person's cultivation and moral consciousness A rich man may not be much more noble than a migrant worker. "

"Ha ha, you're right. That's right." Lao Li looked at me: "young man, you are not only modest, but also speak with clear thinking, well-organized thinking and well-known. It seems that I have to re-examine you."

Lao Li looked at me with approval and continued: "sometimes, when a person has been in the temple for a long time, he often gets away from the masses and the most simple taste of life The story you told today and the words you just said are worth pondering Maybe it's time for me to calm down and think about a lot of things. "

I know that what I want to achieve has been achieved. I don't expect to change Lao Li's mode of thinking immediately, but I hope to touch him. After all, he is a person with rich life experience. There is no need to point out many things. He should have some feelings in his heart.

It's easy to change a person's behavior, but it takes a process to change a person's thought. It will never be achieved overnight, especially for Lao Li, who is mature in thought and stable in mind. I don't know how much I can change Lao Li, but I must try my best.