My Beloved Oppressor

Annette did not wake up for several days.

In a corner of the room with little light, Heiner sat pensively. His dark gray eyes remained fixed on the face of the woman lying on the bed.

He was afraid that her pale, closed eyes would never open. His head knew that guarding his seat like this would make no difference, but his body did not obey reason.

He rubbed his face, feeling out of it from not sleeping properly. His usually neat appearance was now completely disheveled.

“Fortunately, the wound is not deep enough to kill her.”

That was what the doctor said. In the first place, it was difficult to die by slitting her wrists. That was the part that Heiner also knew.

But Annette did not wake up. He didn’t need all those words about not dying from such a thing. She did not wake up. That was the only conclusion left.

The doctor gave various reasons for this.

First, she was still not fully recovered from the aftereffects of the previous gunshot wound and miscarriage. Even if she had not, she was at a point where she needed more time to recover, and the combination of these events had left her completely debilitated.

Also, it was not ‘enough to die’, but the wound itself was quite deep, so he said that she was probably in shock due to excessive bleeding.

Finally, he said it might be a matter of the patient’s own will.

He said it might be because the patient didn’t want to wake up.

“Annette.”

Heiner mumbled in a cracked voice.

“Annette Valdemar.”

Despite countless attempts to pronounce it, it was still an unfamiliar name. He chuckled briefly and slowly bowed his head.

“It makes no sense that you did that. The idea that you did such a thing… impossible.”

Heiner couldn’t look at her face and kept his eyes on the floor as he continued.

“You’re afraid of many things. You’re afraid of the dark, you’re afraid of heights… you’re afraid of water… you’re afraid of blood…”

His throat tightened. Heiner gritted his teeth.

She was a woman of many terrible things. She was a timid and weak woman. She was just a woman who had been raised so beautifully without knowing anything truly unfortunate and miserable.

Even now, his opinion had not changed. Annette’s decision to end her life was not because she suddenly had the courage to die.

It was just because her life was more frightening than death right now.

‘You got what you wanted.’

A faint whisper echoed in his mind.

‘She is unhappy enough to die. Just like you wanted.’

Yes. He had wished that the woman, who had lived her life enjoying only every beautiful and good thing, would be terribly unhappy at one time. As he had been.

‘There were times I wished you were dead. It would be so much easier on my mind if you could just disappear from the world.’

At one time, he wanted that. Many times he thought about killing her. But in the end, he couldn’t.

In the end, he couldn’t.

But it turned out like this.

His large upper body gradually crumpled on the bed. He was slumped in a crumpled heap and buried his face in his hands.

Where did it go wrong? What should he have done? What exactly did he want?

After a few inconclusive questions, he mumbled dangerously.

No.

At least not like this.

You can’t leave me like this.

This is not what I wanted.

What I wanted was…………

His thoughts stopped quickly, as if something in his head had broken. The whispers somehow vanished, and only a muffled ringing in his ears.

Heiner sat motionless for a long time with his face buried in his hands.

***

The news of Annette’s suicide attempt was widely reported in the newspapers. The entire residence was in an uproar.

Rumors spread before Heiner could do anything about it.

The capital was abuzz with the story. There was sympathy, but the prevailing opinion was that her actions were just a show to get attention and sympathy.

In front of the official residence, reporters gathered busily from morning. Heiner stood by the window and looked down at them with downcast eyes.

He had always been an advocate of freedom of speech, but now he felt like shooting the reporters who had gathered like a herd.

The butler, who had been hesitant for some time in Heiner’s ferocious presence, approached cautiously.

“Commander, the madam’s guest has come to visit… what shall we do?”

Heiner replied, still keeping his gaze outside.

“Tell them that she’s in no condition to see anyone right now and send them away.”

“Well, he said if he can’t see madam, he’d like to see the commander.”

“Who is it?”

“Mr. Ansgar Stetter. He has visited the madam before.”

“Just send him…”

Heiner, who was about to tell the butler to dismiss the man, stopped speaking for a moment. He sighed quietly.

Ansgar Stetter was one of the last people he wanted to see right now. But whatever it was, it was better to settle it now than to make a scene after Annette woke up.

“Bring him to the reception room in the main building.”

The butler bowed his head and left. Heiner glanced at the old man’s back. He was the eldest son of a family that had held the position of butler for generations.

After the Revolution, many people who had worked for the nobility had lost their jobs. The general butler of the official residence was currently one of them.

Heiner, who was the leading force of the revolution, created jobs in entities seized from the nobility and in newly established public institutions.

He also gave priority to those who were in the employ of aristocratic families.

But it was not enough. Other problems littered the landscape. Not every part of the revolution was good.

All the responsibility and obligations were placed on Heiner, who had somehow become a hero. Sometimes he wanted to throw it all away. But he couldn’t.

Justice of the cause? Belief? It was not for such things. Heiner knew that such hyperbole did not suit him.

It was solely because of her.

Because of his low inferiority complex and his desire for revenge.

Heiner’s gray eyes darkened even more. The reporters were still buzzing on the first floor. He gripped the window frame tightly and then released it.

****

As soon as Ansgar saw Heiner, he grabbed him by the collar.

“You bastard ……!”

Even though Heiner was able to shake him off easily, he stood still. Ansgar growled.

“I guess you feel better now, huh? Are you relieved now that you’ve made Annette like that!”

“…”

“…a human bastard without blood or tears…”

“…”

“Why, do you feel offended to hear this from a trashy nobleman? Feeling dirty? You had so much fun when you trampled on the nobles’ families, right?”

“….”

“Speak, bastard.”

“You have a rough mouth.”

Heiner shook off Ansgar’s hands and adjusted his collar. Ansgar’s neck reddened when Heiner shook off his hands with vain ease.

Although he was not as good as Annette, Ansgar Stetter was also a decent groom who boasted the epitome of aristocracy. But he had changed, just as Annette had changed over the years.

Heiner took a step back from him and asked in a dry tone.

“Why are you here?”

“I came because I couldn’t trust a bastard like you with Annette’s life. That’s why.”

“…”

“Maybe you could take this opportunity to kill Annette. If she dies, you’re the killer.”

“If I was going to kill her, I would have done it long ago.”

Heiner gave a small sneer. Just as Ansgar thought he would fire something back, Heiner opened his mouth, his face completely devoid of laughter.

“So you’re going to take her?”

“Yes.”

“Where to, France?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think I would give Annette to some monarchy retro force?”

“So you think you’re going to live like this for the rest of your life without getting divorced?”

“…”

“It’s a loss for you too, having Annette with you. And you know that even if I took her to France, she would pose no threat to you.”

Ansgar was not wrong. At least in Padania today, the forces of the restoration of the monarchy were not strong enough. Perhaps they would want a separate dynasty for themselves.

And for that, they needed Annette. She was of royal blood, the most legitimate of the old nobility now living, and young enough to produce heirs.

In other words, Annette’s descendants could follow in the royal footsteps.

‘…. only superficially…’

Annette’s infertility was a matter not known to the outside world. She had no utility value that the restorationists desired.

Would Ansgar still want to take her if he knew this? Heiner did not know.

“You are not wrong, but Ansgar Stetter.”

Heiner held his breath for a moment, then exhaled slowly.

“I can’t just give her to you.”

“Ha…” Ansgar shook his head in disbelief. “Still not enough? How much longer…… are you going to make Annette unhappy?”

Heiner couldn’t answer. Because he himself didn’t even know the answer to that. He slowly closed and opened his eyes.

For a moment the bloody scene grazed his vision.

That woman can’t leave me.

The sentence circulated in his head like a categorical imperative with the back and front removed. Heiner repeated it as if to brainwash himself.

She can’t ……leave me.