My Beloved Oppressor

After the battle of Leomold was over, most of the personnel were replaced or moved to the rear.

Soldiers in difficult-to-transfer conditions and the small medical staff of the field hospital remained on the front lines. Annette was one of those remaining.

A fresh dusting of snow fell last night underfoot. Annette headed for the tent with her arms full of bedsheets.

At the entrances of row after row of tents, dried bloodstains remained in places. It was something that was not even recognizable when she was busy.

The walls and floors of the field hospital always smelled of blood, earth, and iron. It reminded her of a slaughterhouse, not a hospital. It was the traces left behind by the fierce battle.

Two hospital facilities were lost in the shelling that occurred during the battle, and seven medical staff members were killed. This was said to be fairly good damage for a field hospital on the frontline.

Annette entered the tent and began to change the sheets on the empty beds. Moaning and coughing continued everywhere.

By the time she turned the third sheet, a sleepy voice came from the bed next to her.

“….hey there…some water.”

The soldier coughed, unable to finish the sentence. His voice was so harsh and hoarse that it was hard to believe it was human.

Annette closed the curtains and checked the man. He was a recruit who had taken poison gas in the trench. He had removed his mask too quickly at the time the poison gas was sprayed.

“Please wait a moment.”

She brought a glass of water and poured some into his mouth. The soldier swallowed it like life water.

The soldier, who had been eagerly slurping, coughed violently again. Small black shards from his mouth splattered onto Annette’s cheek.

Annette quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand. For several days he had been coughing up his burned lungs.

The aftereffects of the poisonous gas had made him blind.

The military doctor said that he was going to die soon.

“Kak kakkk kakkkkK!” (Coughing)

“Can I give you more water?”

The soldier, barely stopped coughing, shook his head. Instead, he struggled to move his mouth to speak.

“Don’t go….. Can you stay next to me, nurse, please?”

“I will.”

The soldier mumbled something. He seemed to say thank you.

This was only possible because the battle was over. When wounded soldiers were brought in from fierce battles in mountains, there were times when military doctors would amputate injured limbs without even time for proper treatment.

“Can I hold your hand?” (Soldier)

“I didn’t wash. ……” (A)

“It’s fine.” (Soldier)

The soldier made no reply. When Annette took the soldier’s hand, he took a small breath and murmured.

“It’s soft.”

Annette’s hand was not soft at all. They were rough from washing dozens of sheets today alone.

“Ummm, I’m sorry. My voice wasn’t like this before…” (soldier)

Annette held his hand a little tighter without changing her expression, though it was an unpleasant voice, like rusty iron creaking.

“It’s all right.” (A)

“The mask, the …… people on top of the trench took it off, so I thought, kak, it was okay …..ha.” (Soldier)

“It was bad luck. It was not your fault.” (A)

“Ah, um — that’s why.” (Soldier)

The soldier looked like he was about to say something more, but his breath caught in his throat.

“If it’s too hard to talk, you don’t have to say it.” (A)

“…… don’t…” (soldier)

 “I’m not going anywhere, I’ll stay here.” (A)

 Annette took his hand and talked about how inexperienced and foolish she was when she first came here. Sometimes she even mixed in exaggeration.

Occasionally the soldier laughed as he listened to her. It was hard to tell if it was laughter or pain because he kept frowning in pain, but there was a faint smile on his face.

“You …….”

“Yes?”

 “…… this …….”

The soldier kept trying to say something. There was a crackling sound from his breathing. Annette squinted to read the words from the movements of his lips.

Name. His blackened lips asked. Annette took his hand in her other hand. Then she replied in a whisper.

“…… Annette.”

The soldier’s blurry eyes grew slightly larger. His mouth opened. He murmured quietly.

“Oh, you are …….”

The soldier’s condition deteriorated rapidly after that conversation. Annette held his hand for a long time and patted the back of his hand.

Tears streaked the corners of the soldier’s eyes as he coughed. Tears sloshed on his temples as his arteries swelled.

“I miss my mother.”

The soldier whispered, morbidly gasping for breath. Eventually, he slowly closed his eyes. He was still breathing. It was unclear whether he was asleep or unconscious.

Annette remained in her seat for a while, then stood up to line the soldier’s hands on his stomach. She had to finish the rest of her work. She couldn’t stay here forever.

As the sun slowly slanted toward the horizon, she finished her work and returned to the wounded soldiers’ tent. The tent was quiet except for a few groans.

Annette closed the curtains and approached the soldier. Her hand paused for a moment as she checked the pale face.

The soldier was in the same position as before, eyes closed peacefully. He no longer coughed. There was no more hoarse breathing or moaning of pain.

After checking his breathing, Annette raised the covers over his head.

***

“Annette!”

Annette, who was carrying a medical waste bag, turned around. Ryan smiled brightly and waved at her. 

“It’s cold. Don’t you want to come and get some warmth?” 

Ryan was sitting huddled with his colleagues, basking in the fire and smoking cigars. Annette shook her head. 

“It’s all right. I have work to do.”

“Are you going to throw it away? I’ll help you. Let’s go together.” 

Ryan jumped up before Annette could answer. Those who sat with him giggled and laughed. One slapped his shoulder and smiled significantly. Ryan roughly kicked him and ran to Annette. 

“Give it to me.”

 “It’s all right.”

“It looks heavy. Give it to me quickly.”

 Ryan snatched the bag from Annette’s hand.

Annette, whose hands empty in an instant, thanked him bewilderedly. 

“Thank you. It’s heavy…” 

“Heavy? Look, I can hold it with one hand.” 

Ryan held the bag with one hand and a cigar in another. Annette looked up at him with a silent smile, and her earlobe turned slightly red. Ryan, who was holding a cigar to his mouth, suddenly inhaled. 

“Right, you don’t like cigars, right?”

 “No, it’s all right…”

Before she could finish, Ryan threw the cigar on the ground and rubbed it out. Annette added quietly.

 “It’s really all right. I’m used to it.”

“How can you get used to this?”

“This is what happens when you get used to the smell of blood.”

 “Really? Have you gotten completely used to the smell of blood?”

“…… not really completely.”

Ryan laughed.

“Still, Annette is amazing. I was originally a soldier, but Annette was far from anything like this.”

“I’m the slowest to adapt. The first time I saw blood, I vomited.”

“Yes, of course that happens. You used to live so preciously.”

A little taken aback, Annette smiled awkwardly. She knew that Ryan was not being sarcastic or trying to be sarcastic. He was plain and direct.

In effect, he was the one she  was comfortable with. Everyone, including her fellow nurses, was hard on her. Even the officers were the same.

That did not mean they would bully her. However, it was not only because of her previous status, but also because of the tremendous distance that her position as the former wife of the Commander-in-Chief gave her.

In the military, rank was absolute. It was even more so for a person at the top of the Padania military command structure.

The commander-in-chief was a great man, a man of great reputation and fairness, and the couple had divorced in a disagreement, but one never knew what had happened to them. Annette fully understood their feelings.

“By the way, Annette, don’t you want to move the rear?”

…… this sergeant was a bit odd.

Annette pondered for a moment, touching her frozen hand, and then answered shortly,

“Shouldn’t we go if we have to?”

“Where personnel are needed, of course, is on the frontline. I asked for your opinion.”

“What will Ryan do?”

“Hey, I’m in a position where I have to do whatever I’m asked. I wonder if I’ll switch with the next troop… . The orders of the superiors are unpredictable.”

“Please go to the rear as quickly as you can.”

“Oh, is that because you want to leave me quickly?”

“Huh? No, no, it’s not that, it’s just that I want you to get to safety as soon as possible………….”

“I know, I know.”

Ryan laughed out loud, as if it was funny. Seeing Annette’s slightly puzzled expression, he cleared his throat.

“…There’s going to be another battle here in the near future. Will Annette still be here then?”

“If they need me to be.”

“Wait a minute, Annette has an opinion of her own. You can support us in the rear if you want. Do you want to stay here?”

“I’m ………….”

Slurring her words, Annette answered with slight hesitation.

“Maybe ……… yes.”

“Why? Isn’t it dangerous here?”

Ryan asked innocently. Annette’s lips pursed and she looked at him blankly.

It was a simple question, but she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t answer.

Yes, why?

Why did she want to stay  in the forefront?