My Death Flags Show No Sign of Ending

There was no way Erica would be upset by such an unclamped question.

"Why are you asking me that?

"If I say I'm interested, that's it, but you're denying that Erica is Harold's fiancée. So I thought maybe there was someone else I liked."

"It's not like that. It's just that there's a big difference in the way you think about values and things."

"So you're saying you can't be with him?

"Yes."

Same response as before.

There would be no point in asking if that answer was a lie here. There is no basis for just overturning Erica's words.

Erica excels without a multiplier.

It turns out that there's a part of her that can be described as a weakness in the way we've just acted together. As a reefer, I don't know if I'd call that a weakness, but I'd have to say it's brittle in the sense of ease of penetration.

Erica herself is probably aware of that weakness. That's why we should be taking care not to expose ourselves just there. I guess the result is a strong rejection of Harold.

Erica's emotions are easily on the table about Harold. Reefa speculates that he has the attitude he has now to hide it.

And that camouflage is hard to say perfect. At least to the extent that I'm suspected that words that reject Harold are sincere. And the liners and collets that didn't notice at all... clouded the tea in my chest wondering if it was pure.

"... this doesn't mean anything like trying to convince Erica, but will you listen?

"If only I could be thorough with my listeners"

Thank you, Reefa spoke out after returning the words for a few seconds.

"I'm a weirdo. My family neglected me in the village, and I didn't have a place for myself. Well, if you don't work, if you study all the time, that's for sure."

My past I haven't even told Harold. Talk about it naked.

"In the beginning, humans without magical talent started studying because they wanted to change the world they had no choice but to get poor. Even humans who can't use a lot of magic can use no less magic than talented humans with the aid of science. The world would... Yeah, you didn't think that big of a deal. I just wish my family and village were richer."

Erica is quiet, she is being thorough with the listener as I said.

It was easy for me to talk as a reefa to not show sympathy or pity here. Because I don't want to be unhappy. I guess that's the kind of opportunity you perceived.

Well, from Reefa's point of view, I don't think I'm unhappy, I just deserve it.

"But since when has that thought changed? I'm going to give back to my family and the villagers who abandoned me for breaking into science, because that's what I came to think... in short, I was being mean. So I couldn't pull it off, and when I got stuck, I did a lot of unscrupulous things."

It could be a story that people who listen can be frightened of.

Minutes I had an unworthy dream, a little girl who doesn't know something called reality is just being mean. Even if they told me so, I couldn't say it back.

"That's when I met him. All I'm saying is it's annoying, and your first impression of meeting sucked. Well, that was because of the rumors."

My first impression could have been a little more if Elle, who was just there, hadn't told me about Harold.

Though I guess I wouldn't have even asked Harold for the role of escort if Elle hadn't taught me over there.

"... He didn't laugh at my efforts. I'm sure there was some confusion in my mind right now, and I borrowed Yustus' hand, but still, thanks to Harold reaching out, I was able to move on."

It is speculative that there was definitely an intention there. Maybe it's just being used by Harold. Besides, I could even say that I got on Justus' invitation and it bothered me.

But I didn't want to do anything for Harold because of such gratitude or sin. It's simpler.

That's the same as Reefa...... no, that Harold, who is fighting in more harsh solitude than Reefa, was allowed to acknowledge his efforts in any way. That's what made me happy.

It may be a one-sided sense of homogeneity, but that was enough reason for Reefa to want to be a force for Harold without regard for danger. I'm sure you'll only understand this feeling, Reefa smiles bitterly.

I've been working on it all by myself. Never many days have I lost track that it could be solitary and wrong.

I always thought I was lonely. There are countless nights when I tear up the fear that I may be denied my efforts without anyone acknowledging me.

He plunged the light into such darkness, illuminating the way forward. Others won't know how much salvation that was.

"... I was saved by Harold. Whatever thoughts he had, that doesn't change the fact."

And that would have been enough.

Reefa was saved by Harold. Then now I want to reach out to Harold for salvation. Even if it didn't come true or was annoying, Reefa couldn't help but do so.

"... Mr. Reefa is trusted by Master Harold, isn't he?"

"I don't trust you..."

Certainly there are aspects of that out-of-track fighting power that place my trust. Whatever you're dealing with, you won't take the back early, but you trust there too much because that sword will cut your life...

(No, you don't. Now Erica says I'm trusted by Harold... how can you say that?)

A flash of blank space that arose on the spot. I guess that was a paper weight difference.

Instead of a conclusion derived by thought, Reefa, who noticed it by the kind of intuition, looks up haha. What was there was Erica's face that rocked her eyes for only a moment and broke her appearance, which was an iron wall.

Firmly eye to eye. A slight upset appeared in Erica's eyes, understanding it was perceived, or the next thing that came to mind was the color of giving up.

Thoughts follow my earlier intuition. Yeah, that's what happened, Reefa was good at it.

The countless pieces that have been scattered so far are connected.

Why did Erica have the perception that Harold trusted her first by listening to her current story? That's probably because I assumed Reefa's behavior was acceptable to Harold. So much so that Harold's judgment is absolute in Erica.

And I didn't do it in words, but I envied it seeping slightly into its voice color. What they meant, including the immediate aftermath of the upset, was no longer clear.

"... ugh"

Reefa exhales loudly to break the silence. Erica across the street says nothing.

After only a few moments, Reefa spoke out as if to do an answer match.

"I don't know why, but Harold's trying to keep Erica away. You know that, don't you?

"Yes, of course"

"That's why Erica hates Harold. Because Harold wants Erica to hate him."

Erica closes her eyes to indulge in something.

Then he looked up at the night sky and spewed out his words as if he had thoughts of cutting himself off.

"No...... and you got the answer when you couldn't answer instantly"

What that line means is affirmative.

After all, it seems Erica's stubborn attitude was to keep up with Harold's intentions. That's all I think of Harold if I give him back.

"You admitted it honestly even though there's still nothing you can't escape."

"Because if you do that, it won't get to Mr. Reefa."

Apparently Erica appreciated herself quite a bit.

I also feel itchy somewhere when she tells me that, but not if it's illuminating now.

"I'll correct you for once, but nothing. I'm not here because Harold trusts me. I told him to stay out of it until I threatened him. I just pushed him to go with me."

It may be a good nuisance from Harold, but I'm still convinced it shouldn't have been in vain because it played a part in solving the temper problem.

"So you know how he keeps Erica away more than he needs to?

Refreshing her mind, Reefa continued to ask questions.

"It's not good for each other if we're tied. I just don't know what exactly that was a word I feared..."

Erica clouds her words.

But Reefa had an idea. On the other hand, I didn't want you to center that either.

Zuchin, stomach and feeling heavier as if I drank lead. Is it not the nearest worst development I ever predicted?

What can you do to yourself if you were? What kind of words do I have to say? Various thoughts swirl busily in my head.

"... there's only one thing I'd like you to answer."

"What is it?

"What do you think of Harold? I want you to know what it's all about."

I'm sure it's hard for her to answer, maybe a question she doesn't want to answer.

But we can't move on until we're clear here. Both Erica and Reefa. And maybe Harold, too.

"... I admire Master Harold. Ever since I was a little girl."

It was like confessing a great sin, that was the voice.

It painfully conveys how contraindicated it was for Erica to speak of it. At the same time I felt how big her thoughts were.

"We might have a hard time with each other," Erica said to Riefa when she met him face-to-face at Smeraggi's mansion. Those involved in the troubles Harold had brought in at that time were receiving each other with the implication that they were going to struggle.

But in retrospect, it seems to me that that gaze was nothing more than that. I'm sure that was the word because I thought it was "about Harold and between similar people acting for him”.

I couldn't notice it on the spot because I barely knew Erica yet at that time. Well, if you noticed there, something hasn't changed either.

After all, Reefa and Erica can't even take action if they want to, than Harold's purpose and the means to exchange it are unclear.

Still. Reefa thinks the relationship between Harold, who doesn't even hate death while cutting his own life and moving forward, and Erica, who keeps lying to his feelings to respect that will, is wrong.

We all know that relationships are a matter for the parties themselves, but if they stay that way, we can be sure that Erica will be deeply wounded by the death of the visiting Harold. As a friend, as a human being, it is absolutely not right to overlook it after figuring it out.

"Then you know, don't you? That Harold would do anything unscrupulous for a purpose."

"Yeah, stain yourself"

I mean Erica, who has known Harold since childhood. I'm not sure how long it's been like that, but I guess I've seen a lot of things.

And maybe that's why. Erica seems to think absolutely too much of Harold. Come to think of it, Harold is a brilliant man. It's not surprising if that's what he's become if he's seen it up close.

I think even more so if you had the wisdom to understand how difficult those things are.

But that's overconfidence. There are limits to what humans can do alone, no matter how good they are.

And yet, believing in all of Harold's judgments and taking only the actions he wants, it's not trust anymore, it's blind faith.

"I do think Harold is good and he does things that no normal person can do. But he's the same person we are. So even mistakes can fail."

"... it's a story with a sore ear"

"That's how much Erica should understand, and she thinks she's someone who can think calmly about things. I might say something like I found out, but I think it's better to look desperately for something I can do to stop him from being impotent."

"I don't... I'm not sure"

That said Erica had a self-derisive grin.

Doesn't fit. If she doesn't want to see this, Riefa thinks so on her own.

"How can I help Harold... I can't really feel confident about that?"

Now Erica starts talking like she did earlier.

It was half her life and at the same time something that gave a glimpse of Harold's past.

◇

"I met Master Harold eight years ago when I was ten years old."

The reason I learned about the existence of Harold Stokes was because it became a relationship of forgiveness for political reasons. Erica, who had understood what her position was since that time, accepted that although it was never just positive emotion, it was something she had no choice about.

If marrying Harold improves the living conditions of the inhabitants, it is only natural for me, the daughter of the lord, to be the daughter-in-law. That's what I was trying to think.

Well, now that I think about it, sometimes the Stokes are pureblood, and I don't think I could hide my dark expression about whether I would be related to them like that.

But by her fiancée who came down and sprung up, she was brought medicine to suppress the temper that was spreading on Smeragi territory. It was also multiplied only by the cost of collecting and processing the material, which was in fact like it was provided free of charge.

The Smeragis were in a position to be assisted by the Stokes, although he insisted on selling thanks, and Harold shouldn't have had to do that.

Erica's heart certificate for Harold had improved considerably at that point.

But because of something, I had a fatal aversion to Harold.

"Something?

After a little hesitation to say it, Erica still opened her mouth.

Starting with Reefa, the people here understand what Harold is like. to Colette is a party.

"At that time, stories were circulating in Stokes territory that Lord Harold had murdered a servant of the mansion and his daughter. And I asked Harold if the rumor was true."

Please, I want it to be a rumor without roots or leaves. I still remember asking you that, hoping so.

But Harold made me affirm it so as to crush the wish.

"'I killed him because I had a seizure,' 'It's my freedom to live or kill him in one mood,' he said. Even a servant was cursed as inferior."

The anger and disappointment I felt then. Sometimes I was just too young to have that intense emotion, and I didn't even know what to hit.

"But it was to make me believe that, and the truth is, by Harold's hand, the servant's parents and children were living and fleeing Stokes territory."

Deceive your parents, prepare a means of escape and a route, and even give them a high commission so they don't have trouble with their new lives.

On top of that, I continue to suffer the stigma of killing people to give the safety of servants parents and children the highest priority.

"... that sounds like Harold."

"Yes, and I knew it for some reason."

Harold's kindness, strength, and temperament.

Once I understood those, I couldn't do it anymore.

"I see. That's too much to fall in love with."

"Yeah, by the time I realized it was too late"

Well, when I first found out the facts, I couldn't afford to think of the swelling I fell in love with on the heels of my conscience, but that one thing definitely became a big factor in favor of Harold.

"That one really doesn't do anything to labor herself with all the impotence. So I've been doing what I can to reduce that burden slightly."

I kept on taking the attitude Harold wanted so he wouldn't have to worry about it. When I got hurt badly, I trained in healing magic so I could cure it.

He studied various fields in an effort to gain not only manners and extensive knowledge of the aristocratic society so that he could go about him, but also brushed his arms of attack magic, bowing and body surgery to get him out of a position he was just protected from.

"... but that was just passive behavior, if you think about it"

If you don't want to worry about Harold, you should have bumped into him from the front, made an effort to understand, build trust, and asked him what role he wanted you to play. If I had, I probably wouldn't have let you suffer such a huge injury.

It doesn't make sense if Harold doesn't need me where I polished myself. And I knew from him that he was unlikely to need me.

And at a time when you think you need me, you're losing the option of walking away from yourself.

"Keep an eye on what he's trying to be, support him, lean on him, make him truly understandable."

That's the word Erica was given by her father. It pains me that I have tried so hard to do it all, but now I have tried and haven't been able to do it at all.

What are you keeping an eye on Harold? I'm just looking away.

Do I have his back? No.

Are you leaning in when he's in pain? Harold doesn't want that.

Do you understand why I would risk that much? I don't know what he's thinking.

It looks terrible. Harold doesn't want it, what an excuse.

Because Reefa accompanies him until he defies Harold's will and earns his trust. If you really think for Harold, shouldn't you have faced it in earnest no matter how much you were rejected?

I couldn't do that because Erica didn't have the courage. Fearing being rejected by our own cuteness, we could not take a step forward.

He was running away in the first place. It led to uncertain hopes that he might avoid hitting Harold and reach out from the other side one day.

"What a pity..."

In retrospect, I have no idea. He took Harold's hand on a boat floating down the waterway in the city of Cabran. I would have had a different future then if I had spoken my thoughts clearly.

But even there, I cowered.

I could only joke and tell him, 'No matter how big a sinner you are, you are prepared to accept it - and that's what my brother might say'.

Can you walk over without fear of getting scratched or not?

That's the difference between Erica and Reefa. Reefa could do it, Erica couldn't. I am reminded that my thoughts and so on are to that extent.

You shouldn't be confident. Because I've never done anything for Harold.

It just doesn't make sense in your efforts to satisfy yourself.

And above all, I self-loathe myself for telling you about Clara and Colette, who I swore I'd keep in my chest until Harold revealed to me.

I was beaten by my own stupidity as I listened to Reefa.

"Erica......"

Reefa was trying to encourage herself, but she didn't know what to say.

I feel less and less sorry for myself for annoying me even with this. All Erica could do right now was at least act as usual.

"I'm sorry I spilled all this stupidity. Come on, Mr. Reefa, take the rest of the day off."

"But..."

"If it's about me, it's okay."

The same interaction ensued several times, but at the end of the day Reefa broke and went into the tent worrying more about Erica.

Stare at the still burning fire in the space of being alone. But somehow I don't feel warm about it. Putting twigs together to strengthen the fire didn't change that.

Yeah, maybe this is what breaking your heart is all about. Erica thinks, as if it were some other HR.

"... I didn't deserve to stand beside you."

And I finally said so. It is deeply and deeply impregnated into the body as if the word was true, which has been swallowed on the verge of coming out again and again before.

Tears fall from Erica's eyes as she is pushed out by it. Only tears that convey cheeks are warm.

But the warmth felt as if the love and admiration Erica had ever made Harold recruit, and Erica just kept crying quietly until the sky began to whiten, in fear that they would somehow pour out of her.