My female disciples are scary

Ah, so cozy.

How many years has it been since I have felt so peaceful?

How many years has it been since I could relax like this?

Who knew that death would feel so peaceful. If I knew about it, I would have already formed a hobby of blocking young masters long ago.

"-al immediately"

So soothing.

"All elders, please attend the disciple selection trial immediately."

So, co- "All elders, please attend the disciple selection trial immediately."

…

"All elders, plea-"

"Ah, fuck it. Can't you even let me die in peace, you unfeeling piece of garbage."

I roared as I threw the annoying speaker badge out from my bed.

*huff* *huff* 'To think I would have to hear that voice once again. What a nightmare. I am already dead for god's sake.'

Hmm.

Wait a second.

How am I still thinking?

Shouldn't I be dead?

Is this the afterlife?

Opening my eyes with 'great difficulty', I looked at my surroundings and was stunned.

'This… isn't this the abode I used to live back in the days when I was the elder of one of the branches of the Immortal Divinity Sect (mortal plane version).'

Was my previous death an illusion?

No, the sensation of death was too real. If someone could replicate death to that standard for a person of my cultivation level, there would be no need for all the pointless waste of resources to make me fall into illusion.

He could simply slap me to the heavens.

So, this means…

'Holy sh*t, have I returned to the past.'

A little excited, I moved to the left corner of my room which had a mirror and examined my features.

A super handsome face (in mc's opinion) which could overshadow all beings reflected before my eyes. (in mc's opinion)

"Those cool looking eyes, that cold expression. Kyaaaah" [AN: narcissist fanboy].

"My handsome face before it was ruined by those jealous ugly heretics from the spiritual plane."

Tears swelled in my eyes as I gazed at the male god(lol) before me.

"Finally, I can fulfill the long-lasting regrets of my past life."

"Finally, I will be able to prevent the heart demon which prevented me from ascending to higher stages."

With great determination I looked at the sky (the upper wall of immortal abode) and declared.

"I, Xing Fan hereby swear to the heavens with the sky as my witness and the celestial bodies as my judge."

"I, Xing Fan will become a rich deadbeat and no longer act like those crazy hot-blooded youngsters."

"I will marry a wife who is filial, sweet, sexy, innocent, [insert all unrealistic expectation of your ideal waifu] and live peacefully with little Xing Fans."

"I will become a NEET in the cultivation world."

"I will become th-"

"All elders, please attend the disciple selection trial immediately." (speaker)

A vein popped in my face as I angrily glared at the speaker badge for ruining my moment. But when I recalled my previous frugal lifestyle and the cost of the badge, I immediately restrained my aura and placed it carefully in the table.

Forget it. A gentleman does not mind such small things.

Besides, I have more important things to do at the moment.

Which is, of course, to attend this disciple selection trial.

As for trying to understand how or why I reincarnated?

A great Taoist from the village once said that you do not search fate, fate searches you before he dozed to sleep.

As his filial half-disciple, I will continue to carry his legacy even though he may no longer remember me.

At any rate, this is not the first-time crazy stuffs have happened to me.

Even in the village of Heavenly Plane which I consider rather peaceful, there were times when I woke up in the middle of the sky, was chased around by a horde of Orcs, and later forced to enter the territory of those very creatures to get some ingredients in the name of training.

Strange. Did I really just say that my time in the village was peaceful?

Ha…ha.

Damn, I am getting tears in my eyes. o(╥﹏╥)

Anyways, let's get back to the main topic.

The disciple selection trial.

Although it is a pain, I need to attend the trial. After all, the benefits are too big for me to ignore.

Once I get my first disciple, there is no need for me to bother about any more trials in the future unless I become a peak master.

I get an increase in salary, my pension is guaranteed (constant spirit stone despite being in closed cultivation without work), and if my disciple does something good, I immediately reap the benefits.

Simply speaking, having a disciple is like having a cash cow.

Well, at the very least that is how it is supposed to be.

…I hope.

My past life experience as a master was not exactly positive. In fact, it was downright traumatic.

You see, some disciples love creating problems for their master and the disciple I chose in my last life, Scum Ch- Oops, I mean Young Che was exceptional in that regard.

Young Che was a standard cultivating genius whose luck defied the heavens. But what was truly fearsome was not his luck, but his gigolo powers.

That brat was basically the incarnation of seduction flags and lust.

He never forced anyone or made any efforts to raise a flag, yet he extended his gigolo flags to maidens across the mortal plane.

Peak mistresses, daughters of noble clans, princesses, maids, beast kin. Heck, the guy even seduced a devil cultivator.

In the end, who was the one who had to clean up his troublesome mess?

Me.

I had to apologize, extend treaties, and gift valuable treasures for him. Yet, he never thanked me. Not even once. Instead, he only thanked the peak mistress for her 'care'.

Thinking about it now, I feel like one of the reasons behind my past-self leaving the sect was him.

Even after leaving the sect, all his pink and cheesy legends that I heard while going rogue almost made me throw up many times.

From what I last heard, somehow or another, he managed to get to the Spiritual Plane during the time I was a rogue middle level cultivator in the said plane. It was quite surprising that he managed to get into Spiritual Plane, but his actions after reaching the Spiritual Plane almost made me faint in shock.

According to the rumors, he tried to seduce the daughter of the Ming clan, one of the four noble clans in the spiritual plane despite having just arrived at the world for four days.

Just four frickin days, and he thought he already had the cat in the bag.

I truly wonder what went into that brain of his? Did he think that there was still a plot armor cheat master to clean after his mess from the shadows when he failed like the old times?

In the end, I heard that he died a miserable death.

Thank god I went rogue in time. Or else, the one to have his head separated from his body would not only be him.

Having a disciple like that is basically asking a ticket to death express.

There is no way in hell I am going to take that troublesome son of a b*tch as my disciple who does not even know the meaning of gratitude in this life as well.

If the worst situation comes where I have no choice, I will even resort to stealing some base tempering pills, aka Xianxia candies, from lolis and stay in home-prison for a few decades.

Reputation? What's that? Is it tasty?

I guess taking other disciples would be fine as well. However, I don't recall a single talent attending the trial this year who managed to even get into spiritual plane, much less the heavenly plane.

Less talents mean less salary, and it is a greater pain to take a greater number of disciples, so I can't slack off on this.

It is a pity, but I suppose I will attend the 'golden disciple lottery' next year instead.

Good Night.

....

(Around the same time)

Church of Blood, Iron Blood City.

The stained glass covering most of the front wall illuminated the nave with colorful dim light.

The light revealed the silhouette of numerous priests in long black robes who were currently kneeling and chanting incoherent words in front of the coffin placed at the altar before them.

The altar was carved out of a stone slab and had numerous runes and strange symbols engraved on it.

A few web-like red veins could be seen connecting the altar to the outer periphery of the Sanctuary.

What lied beyond the periphery were the corpses of numerous cultivators wearing Daoist robes of numerous colors, which represented their allegiance to different Sects.

As time continued to pass and the dim light in the church begun to fade away, crimson red liquid begun to drip from the coffin placed in the slab and the chants of the priests begun to gain more momentum.

One of the black robed priest kneeling in the middle of the group slowly stood up and placed a strange crystal near the coffin.

After that, he lowered his head again and reverently said to the crystal.

"Great Lord Armodeos. The sacrifices have been made as per the order of the lords of the great Devil Plane. May you start the great revival."

It was unknown if the crystal could understand the words of the priest. However, after a few moments passed, the crystal begun to change its color to resemble the blood red webs around the coffin.

Slowly but surely, the crystal slowly started to sink into the deep red web like it was merging with it.

Yet, before any further change could take place, the crystal cracked and the deep red web lost its luster.

Hearing the crack, all the priests stopped kneeling and a silent atmosphere permeated across the nave.

Although he knew that this was the most likely result, the black robed priest could not help but sigh with a deep sense of disappointment.

Recovering his bearing, he turned to look at the remaining kneeling priests and said in a low voice.

"It seems like this timeline was a failure. The higher-ups should already be aware of this fact and be starting the alternative sequences of the plan."

"We should start to prepare sacrifices for the first part of the play as well."

"It is time to destroy the reality we live in."