My Little Secret

I woke up to the sound of the pages of my diary rustling because of the wind. I check my phone, 5 am. The lights were still on. I had fallen asleep on the couch and my feet were almost touching Ivan. His head was resting on the back rest of the couch. Poirot was beside him. He had developed a liking towards him. He kinda hated Victor. I guess Poirot knew more about humans than me. I was grateful that Ivan had stayed back to ensure I was safe. He seemed really worried. His stubble was growing out. He had been staying home a lot. His hair was short and thick, a little curly. I wanted to touch it.

I put my blanket around him and look at him. He was in a lot of pain. Catherine had caused a lot of hurt, possibly irreversible damage. His phone buzzed on the table. I pick it up and quickly put it on silent. I did not want him to be disturbed. After the caller stops calling, his wallpaper shows up. A picture of Catherine on the beach. She was standing, her body facing away from him but her head was facing the camera and she was smiling at the photographer. Ivan probably. Her teeth were perfectly aligned and she was glowing. Being Ivan Radcliffe's wallpaper. 'How would that feel like?' I thought to myself.

I rest my head on the couch, facing Ivan. I looked at him and drifted into slumber.

I woke up to my alarm at 7 30 am. Ivan wasn't on the couch. I look around for him, he was at the kitchen, making coffee. Is this how waking up to him feels like? Victor was very lazy and demanding. Why was I comparing? No clue.

Ivan looks at me and smiles. Crap. I had been staring at him. I smile back, awkwardly. I get up and walk to the kitchen.

"Here you go, Princess" he says and hands me the cup of coffee.

"You know, Simon calls me that." I say as I sip on the coffee, "Mmm, this is great!" I exclaim. Damn. Ivan was good.

"I make better tea. I love coffee though. Cathy loved tea, so I had the habit of making tea for her in the mornings." He said sounding sad.

"No, but she stayed over most days." He said.

I look at him and nod. "I love coffee too." I say.

"I know" he smiles. "So, are you ready for the big day?" he asks.

"To face him." I say softly, "He's a horrible person. I can't believe I let myself date someone like him, I should have known. I did know, but I ignored it." I say and realized I said too much.

I look at Ivan nervously, he looked at me, worried.

"You can call me, anytime. I'll be there in a jiffy" he winks.

It was comforting, to know Ivan was someone I could depend on. But, would he catch me if I fall? I did not want to hurt myself finding out.

"Thanks" I say. Knowing, the only person I could trust is myself and I only wanted to depend on myself.

"Will you let me drop you at work?" he asks.

"It's alright, it would be a trouble while coming back." I decline his offer.

"Fair enough, how about I pick you up after work as well?"

"Oh no, I couldn't ask you to do that. It's fine, I don't want to trouble you, you must be so occupied and"

"Sof, let me." He says softly. His eyes fixed on mine. For a second there, my heart begins to beat really fast. Was this how it felt like? Getting Ivan's complete attention., him insisting on taking care of me. I was intimidated by all this, by him. I couldn't let this happen.

My instincts kicked in, as much as I wanted to let myself trust him my brain kept alerting me, it was like my brain had a siren of its own. Telling me not to trust again. Protect yourself. You are all you need. It was like my mind was in a war with itself. One part of me wanted to believe him and just let him handle the situation. Other side wanted to be independent.

"It's fine, Ivan. I should be taking care of myself." I say apologetically.

"Sure, if that's what you want." He smiles.

No no no. I wanted him to be more persistent. Fight for this, maybe if he asked me one more time.

I smile at him.

"Maybe you can take care of yourself from tomorrow. I'd like to do that today." He says.

My heart did a little summersault.

I smile and nod. Just what I wanted.