My Little Secret

I gasped as I saw Victor sitting on his bike. I dreaded this moment and now I wished I disappeared into oblivion. I did not want to make any sort of contact with him whatsoever. Since the last debacle, I had been avoiding him. I felt horrible after what I had seen, it felt almost too personal. I thought seeing him after so long would make me feel alright, maybe makes things easier for me.

"Perhaps not" I muttered under my breath.

"What did you say?" he asked, looking curious.

"Let's take the cab or something, I have a feeling it might rain." I said.

It was a pathetic excuse but it seemed to work as he got off his bike and came closer to me. I froze for a second and was going to make a run for it before he made contact, but he stopped midway when his phone rang. He took it out of his back pocket and checks it and turns it off and continues moving closer and I instinctively take a step back.

"Woah, what's with the cold shoulder? I was just coming to give you a hug."

"Oh well, I'm super shy when it comes to these things" I say sheepishly.

It was true, but even if it wasn't, I wouldn't want to hug Victor Gibson, my ex-crush till I was sure I wouldn't get sucked into the black hole of his life again.

"The sun's out. It is not going to rain, so let's go on my bike." He says turning back and walking towards his bike and stops midway and turns towards me and says "unless you're too scared" he looks at me to see if I would protest. I reluctantly walk towards his bike and get on it, careful enough to not make any contact.

Lucky for me, the mall wasn't too far and I stay put during the bumps and speed breakers. I got off at the entrance while Victor went to park his bike. I walk towards a familiar place, the cotton candy stall. Adam and I came here after we watched a movie in the evening. I got cotton candy and he got boiled corn. I'd finish my cotton candy as soon as we'd get it and he'd laugh at how pink my teeth would be after eating the cotton candy. Watching him laugh felt like I had received an award, it felt like everything in the world was better again.

"I didn't know you liked cotton candy" Victor says as he walks towards me.

He was wearing a striped t-shirt and a slim fit pant. His hair was cut recently and he had washed it before coming. I could smell the shampoo.

"I do. Very much actually" I tell him.

"Let me get you one" he says and walks towards the store. I begin to protest and tell him how I was in the mood for fries, my favorite food of all time. We get onto the escalator and proceed to go to the fourth floor when suddenly someone approaches from behind and covers my eyes and I was too surprised to react and my hands try to remove hers from my eyes.

Thus, began the most excruciating pain I had ever experienced so far, I felt like I was being sucked into vacuum, I couldn't breathe. I saw visions. This seemed familiar, it was happening again.

I saw hospital rooms, I heard screams at a distant and unwillingly floated towards it. The scream grew louder as I entered a gloomy room. Liza, my friend, standing across the room, staring at the bed. It was a horrid sight; I could tell by the look on her face. I turn around and looked at something so ghastly that it made me scream in real life and my eyes were hurting. Liza must have broken contact with me as I sat on the ground, shaking. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

Victor grabbed me as I was about to faint in the midst of all this and it happened again. I was sucked into something worse. Victor had made contact. I could feel guilt and torture this time. I did not understand how I could differentiate between the emotions but my mind knew what I was feeling.

I saw Victor with the same girl I had seen before, the scene shifted to him forcing her to go home with him and she refusing to do so. Victor hits her on her back and she falls forward and he drives off. It felt like he had hit me and not her.

The scene shifts to Victor and his dad laughing and playing baseball on the field. He seemed so happy, so young. I try to snap out of it, it felt like I was trying to find oxygen under water. I then felt a sudden pain; it began to get worse. It almost felt like it was too heavy for me to carry.

The scene shifts to a familiar room. Victor sitting across me, giving his presentation. Our eyes meet and he smiles. Being here felt like I was being sucked deeper and deeper into the ocean and I have to come up or it would engulf me. I push hard and break contact with Victor and Liza and move away from them. A few onlookers were trying to make contact with me as well. I avoid all of them and run out of the mall, tears all over my cheeks and my face red with embarrassment.

I rushed out of the mall's entrance and walked as fast as I could, Victor at my heels. "Victor, ple..please. I need to go home. I don't feel well. Please un..understand." I say. I stammer when I cry. He didn't argue but did offer to drop me back and I refused. There was someone I had to visit. The only person who could tell me what was wrong with me and I had to meet him. Now.