My Long Lost Mate

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I feel like death. 

My whole body ached, and to say that I was tired would be an understatement. It feels like all of my energy has been sucked dry out of me, leaving only my willpower to keep me going. 

Today has been harsh—too harsh—both for me and everyone else here in this village. But I think it was especially hard for Doris. Even when I'd only known her for less than a day, I knew that she must have been a sweet little soul who wanted nothing but happiness. Too bad someone else's greed took that away from her. 

When I heard her last words, I couldn't help but wonder how difficult it must have been for her to thank me for killing her. To her, death sounded like a better option than staying alive in this state—she was only five. Then, what about the others? Would they think the same? 

Even when I felt like giving up and when my legs couldn't take it any longer, this question kept me going. I knew they were suffering, so how could I not help them? I knew I was the only one who could help them right now, which is why giving up doesn't seem like the best option to choose. 

For a moment—a very brief moment where I witnessed Doris's passing, I'd let my guilt and doubts wash over me. The thoughts of how useless I was clouded my mind, believing that there was no difference between who I am today and who I was a few months ago. 

The only difference is that I am now a witch, but that doesn't change the fact I am still as useless and powerless as I could be. It was a terrible feeling to know that if I had been stronger, I could have changed someone's fate—someone's life. 

But what good can such useless thoughts do? As long as I'm willing to give it my all, I don't care how useless or powerless I am. Because in the end, I know that my efforts will not be in vain. It won't be a big help, but it will be a help for anyone who needs it. And that is enough.

This decision led me to this pit of fire, which was burning so fiercely all around me. The fire stood taller than my lines of sight, causing me to see nothing outside this circle. All I could see was the raging fire and the children, who were as still as ever.

Though I had no idea where this fire came from, the fact that it didn't harm me was more than enough to convince me that it was on my side. All I had to do now was add some more blood to this sigil, and perhaps another wave of fire would come up and burn it down.

As I'd confirmed that none of the children were standing right on the lines, I pulled out my knife and walked to the middle, bracing myself for another attempt of self-harm. I have to say, though, it hurts a lot more than I thought it was going to be.

The first time I did it, I did it with little to no hesitation as I was determined to find a way to help these people as soon as possible. But now that I know how painful it was, I'm starting to feel a hint of hesitation rising to the surface.

The children were circling the middle section of the sigil, where they had previously cut the adults' fingers, each holding a knife on their hands. Two boys on my left, and three girls on my right, with one standing slightly behind me. I cringed at the sight of a few fingers that had yet to be absorbed into the sigil and shoved them slightly away, making some room for me to stand in.

I crouched down and considered where to cut, eventually settling on the same spot I'd previously used. Thanks to Luke, the previous cut has completely healed with no visible scars, but unfortunately, I now have to cut it open again.

Although it was very helpful, I still can't get used to how his healing abilities work. I can still remember the smirk Andrew had on his face when he saw Luke licking me. It was rather… unsettling.

Just as I was about to cut my palm, I noticed something moving in the corner of my eye. Being very cautious of the current situation, I quickly turned towards it, knife raised high. But there was nothing around, only the children.

Was I so tired that I started hallucinating?

Seeing nothing was wrong, I went back to what I was doing, holding my palm out towards my knife. As the knife was a bit dull, I had to use a lot more strength and pressure in order to cut my skin. This led me to cause a bigger injury than I'd intended to, also spilling more blood than I'd intended to.

"Ouch!" I cried in pain, and I swear I could hear another voice following behind. It was something along the lines of a grunt. "W-who's there?!" I shouted out, standing up from my former position. I'd be damned if someone was here to fight me.

I was met with silence, only hearing the crackling of the fire. I looked around for a few moments longer to make sure nothing was out of the ordinary before returning to the blood. Perhaps it would be better if I could wrap this up sooner. I'm desperate for a good night's sleep.

I noticed that the girls on my left were about Doris's age, while the boys were a bit older. They were wearing the same ragged attire, and they were all on the skinnier side. Perhaps too skinny. Were they Doris's playmates?

Though I myself didn't have a happy childhood, it pained me to see these children being controlled by a greedy and selfish group of people. Children their age are supposed to live a life free of burdens, where all they do is play all day.

Most children—most fortunate children—always have a smile on their faces, going about their daily lives in their innocent ways. I suppose we're the least fortunate children.

Perhaps the greatest luxury we ever had was being envious of those fortunate ones.

I squeezed my palm, allowing more blood to come out. My blood fell and mixed with the blood on the sigil, causing the same reaction as it did the first time. No reaction.

I waited and waited, but the fire didn't come up as it did before. Did I use too little blood? I squeezed my palm again, dropping a little more blood before stopping when I remembered how Luke was angry at me for using too much blood.

Though I was surprised he got mad, I knew where he was coming from. I'm sure he didn't like seeing me hurt as much as I didn't like seeing him hurt. It was a mutual feeling, but I failed to see it from his perspective when I was the one hurting. That's why he got mad.

I wanted to help these people as soon as possible, so I thought it would be fine if I used a little of my blood. Perhaps what I saw today made me forget that before helping others, I have to care about my well-being first. I was too scared that I'd witness something like what happened to Doris again, which was why I rushed myself.

Perhaps because this was my first time getting such an important task—especially one involving numerous lives—I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to do everything well—to save everyone—when I know some things in life are inevitable.

I was blinded by my fear, and Luke was the one who brought me back to my senses. Unlike the stories in the storybooks, I am not a hero with crazy supernatural abilities and immense luck. I'm only someone with the human decency to help someone in need, fighting for justice and peace. I need to know that things don't always go the way I want them to, and that's perfectly normal.

As I waited for the fire to appear, I finally noticed something different. It wasn't the blood, wasn't the fire, wasn't anything that I expected it to be. It was a shadow.

I froze when I noticed a shadow coming from behind me, realizing that it wasn't a shadow that belonged to one person, but multiple. I wasn't hallucinating. I wasn't the only one here.

What do I do?

For the umpteenth time, I squeezed my palm, letting even more blood fall in the hopes of seeing the fire. And, even though I'm afraid to turn around, I have to see who's standing behind me. I gripped the knife tighter in my hand, bracing myself for whatever was waiting for me.

I promptly jumped forward from my former position, distancing myself from the people behind me.. With my feet firmly planted on the ground, I turned around, immediately seeing five children with a smile on their faces. 

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