My Second Life is a Heroic Power Fantasy

As Jack watched, the words on the screen faded, and were replaced by a flashing rectangle that reminded Jack of the type cursor of an old computer terminal.

"Okay, now, this is where you put in commands to get the terminal to do different functions. Think of it like you're using a voice-activated computer. You tell it what you want to do, and it will execute that command." Frumpkin said, before popping the last of his sandwich into his mouth with a grunt of pleasure.

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"What kinds of functions can the terminal do?" Jack asked.

"Well, like I said, you can buy talents, perks, and loot. You can check your stats. There are also a lot of other functions of the terminal, but we're not going to worry about those for the moment. First, I'm going to show you how to track your abilities and status." Frumpkin said, dropping to the floor beside Jack.

"Now, ask the terminal to display your status sheet." He said.

Jack did as he said, and the terminal's screen jumped to life, pouring out a wall of text and numbers that cycled on and on, moving so fast that Jack couldn't make any of it out, until it finally came to a stop, and displayed a list of descriptions and numerical values.

Jack Eames

[Class: Lvl 2 Fighter/Lvl 2 Sorcerer]

Prowess: 31

Fortitude: 24

Logic: 21

Intuition: 17

Persona: 9

Composure: 15

Spirit: 35

Tenacity: 32

Talents:

- [Immunity to Cold]

- [Martial Weapon Proficiency]

- [Magically Gifted (Sorcery)]

Most Notable Accomplishments:

- [Climbed a hill]

- [Defeated a couple goblins]

- [Defeated a squad of gnolls]

Below these three sections, there was afinal section labeled "Overall Assessment", which had two entries.

The first read "Unrepentant Slacker", which had a crudely-drawn line through it, like someone had crossed it out with crayon.

Directly below that was a second entry, which was circled with the same crude crayon-like line and read "Unremarkable Nobody".

Jack stared at the screen blankly for several seconds, before turning to Frumpkin and blurting out "Unremarkable Nobody? You think I'm an Unremarkable Nobody?!"

"Hey, hey, don't look at me! I didn't design this thing! You can blame that on the Bigger Guy Further Upstairs for that. These terminals are designed to give an honest an opinion as possible of your current standing within the world, both in your innate abilities, as well as your equipment, and allies you have made. If it tells you you're an Unremarkable Nobody, it's giving you a sincere assessment. It gave me a similar ranking when I first used one too, back when I was in your shoes." Frumpkin said.

"Back when you were in my shoes? Wait, you-" Jack started.

"Yep. I got to this position by doing exactly what you're doing right now. I wasn't much of the fighty type, but I was really good at making money and paying other people to fight for me. When I first started, my terminal told me I was a, and I quote, "Fat Useless Degenerate". As you can see, I never really made it far past that stage, but yet, here I am."Frumpkin said, laughing.

"So, what happens to you if I win this challenge of yours and take your spot? Do you just vanish or something?" Jack asked.

"Nah. I'll just move on to the next rank, and take on the role of the Bigger Guy to manage other new gods like you. But, between you and me, I'm probably gonna take a couple millenia vacation first. Running these things over and over hoping someone will accept the challenge who isn't completely pants-on-head retar-" Frumpkin paused, then cleared his throat, "ahem, 'intellectually disabled', takes way more work and time than you could ever possibly imagine, believe me."