My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

Apparently, it had rained outside recently. Didn't notice it had, didn't even notice when it stopped. Came out of the house and only realize once droplets came falling down from the rafters.

From the slippery slopes of the front porch's stairs to the sidewalk paving the path to the nearest bus stop in sight. Would you like to guess how many scenarios had gone through my head during that short trek from point A to B?

If you're thinking in the millions, then you're thinking too small. Get big, like quintillion times bigger - you know, in fact - I don't think there's a universe out there in the vastness of the multiverse within the great omniverse that could actually quantify the many outcomes I have foreseen happening in this trip.

Was I perhaps blowing this entire thing a little out of proportion? Do you think me perhaps a great exaggerator? An unreliable narrator, perchance?

Please, why on Earth would I ever be so overly dramatic about a simple stroll into town? It ain't like I got a great big flaming bird strolling alongside me, humming whimsically with all care in the world gone with the howling humid wind.

I'm not even gonna try and finish that joke, you know how the rest goes already.

Oh yeah, also, just to add - yeah… Adalia was here with us.

"Why though?" I remembered asking way back during pancake time.

Adalia's cheeks were bulging with maple syrup at that point in time, so instead of a simple, albeit, drawled out answer from the vampire, I received in its stead a pocketful of snark, spoken through a mouthful of pancakes as well.

"Is it really not obvious at all why?" Ria raised an eyebrow. "You really want me to spell it out for you?"

Oh yeah, that's right, I forgot. I'm the literal reincarnation of Sherlock Holmes. I'm supposed to be able to deduce every single action to explain every single reason for every single thing.

Why do I even ask questions at all, right? I mean, who do I think I am, a regular human being? Pff…

Actually, scratch that, I may not also be that as well...

"Can we just skip the part where you make fun of me for a bit and actually get into the reason why?"

Ria swallowed, then chugged some juice, slamming her glass onto the table with a pout. "Man, but that's my favorite part..."

"Ria…"

"Okay, alright! Reason - go on and look at her, ignore the syrup on her face, focus on her appearance. Whaddaya see?"

It was clear Adalia intended to abstain from any form of discussion whatsoever, perfectly content in simply indulging on what was to be her fourth helping of Ria's deliciously delectable hospitality.

What do I see? Well, droopy clouded eyes, dim grey frazzled locks of hair, a somewhat neutral expression on her face - I don't know what I was supposed to be looking at.

"Here's a hint," Ria muttered through another mouthful. "Frills and laces, can't miss 'em now, can you?"

To cut a long story short, my eyes went veering downwards from her face and that was when I immediately understood. It never really clicked throughout our whole living-together arrangement but yeah, matters not the occasion - morning, afternoon, or evening - Adalia exuded the very definition of the word 'Classy'.

Like the Italic font type of classy, that's the type of classy we're talking here. Nailed that gothic look down to the strand.

"Vampires," Ria said with a grin. "Striking fear in the hearts of millions while doing it all in style. Really, If I have to give them anything, they are like the crème de la crème of fashion sense."

Fast forward to more recent times, and there we were, boarding the big metal box of people heading onwards to a destination not of my choosing, not this time at least.

Ria was steering this ship, I was just the prisoner chained below deck. Guess that makes Adalia quartermaster on this occasion.

Also, that thing I do with Ash. You know, the thing I do where I actually take a little precaution and take into account that the supernatural and the natural are like oil and water to each other, hence the hoody Ash always wears on our outings.

Nope, fiery and proud Ria was, questioning stares be damned, she marched onto the bus, head held high, blazing a trail of red that left passengers doing a double-take on her.

Adalia's catwalk to the back of the bus was at least more along the lines of normalcy. So long as she kept her mouth shut and her hands buried underneath long sleeves, she was fine.

Don't think it needed to be said that no one batted an eye at me. Why would they? I felt so out of place plopping in between those two despite the fact I was supposed to be the normal one here, how the heck does that even work?

"Couldn't have worn your sombrero, at least?" I whispered as the bus roared into motion. "Detective hat is not gonna hide all that glowing you got going on under there."

Ria feigned annoyance in her eyes, adjusting the cap with much aggression in her movement. "Do you ask a fish to stop swimming in water? The leaves to stop swaying in the wind?"

"No, I'm asking politely for fire to stop burning. Is that really so hard? Look - you got kids over there staring at you."

She gave a glance, briefly, towards said kids - peeking over from their seats two rows over. They made some eye contact, and then Ria raised a hand and waved over them.

Kids waved back, smiled, and took to their seats once more.

Now there was this expression on her face, a very infuriating one, one that stare at me from the corner of my eyes going: 'Yeah, you were saying?'

"Here's some words of wisdom from an old weary phoenix," Ria began, her tone overbearingly pompous. "People know what normal is. And people don't break from the normal easy. They're gonna look over at me and see a beautiful lady on fire, you think their first thoughts are gonna be, 'Oh, she's probably a phoenix from another world,' - Nah. I'm cosplaying! I'm a very, very, very dedicated cosplayer with some talent for special effects. End of story. Now that's what normal is."

So ends daily life lessons with Ria The Bird from Sesame Street with a swish and a flick of a wagging finger.

Me, only vaguely paying attention to half of what she said, simply nodded my head and asked, "So Costa Rica, Canada, France - the likes… you went to them all…?"

"As I am now," She said, her nose up high in the air. "Ria Ignis, untamed."

Well, so long as I wasn't getting any funny questions from strangers, I won't be so insistent on it. If she wanna let her hair down, by all means then. I got plenty of other things on the mind right then - case in point…

"Money is gonna be an issue," I muttered, shifting uncomfortably in place. "I suggest we just grab the cheapest-goodest looking piece they have and bounce out of there."

The look of horror that formed on Ria's face implied that what I just said was the equivalent of an act of heresy to the fashion industry.

"What are you saying?" She asked, looking at me like I was completely unhinged. "You're not gonna even bother? Really? Ash is sprucing herself up there for you tomorrow and you're just gonna show up on her looking like you just robbed a hobo of his only shirt?"

"Hey, I like this shirt."

Ria shook her head slowly at me, genuine sadness in her eyes. "I don't know why you even have eyes anymore."

"Look, unless you're suggesting we rob the place, we're not going to be getting anything top of the line there. You think money grows on trees?"

I felt something heavy plop onto my lap, a thick heavy bundle of green bound together in two layers of rubberbanding. It took a moment for me to register just exactly what it was that befell on my aching thighs, once I did though… oh boy, was I even more confused than before.

"Where'd you get this?"

"Money doesn't grow on trees," Ria said, dropping another stack to the side of the other. "But they sure as hell do come from phoenixes."

"Where'd you get this?" I repeated.

"Y'know what a 'Shaman' is in Spanish?"

I gaped at her. "You didn't..."

"Curandero," Ria answered, looking absolutely satisfied with herself. "There's a bunch of once-sickly Costa Ricans out there now with my spit in their digestive systems and a healthy smile on their face. Also a bunch of Canadians, French… probably a few Germans too."

The heaviest of the two stacks, I held against an open palm. The sheer size of it and the way my hand kept slanting from the weight had me nervously chuckling in awe. "I'm guessing your saliva didn't come cheap at all."

"No, it indeed did not." She said. "At least for those who can actually afford me. Those that aren't able to… well, let's just say I have my charitable moments too."

"Well, you got a mini-fortune right here, Robin Hood," I said, flipping through a thick wad with my fingers.

"No, I don't. You do."

The flipping stopped. "What?"

"Hey, it's not like I have any use for it myself. Go nuts, man."

The way Ria shrugged her shoulders was as if she wasn't just about to give me enough money to cause an inflation to a small economy. My poor wallet can only hold so much too, and what's more...

"What's yours is yours, Ria," I said, handing them back to her. "Can't really… can't really accept this, you've earned it."

Correction: I tried handing them back to her. She refused it, shoving them back at me till they were practically hugging my chest. An immediate shutdown.

"Oh, yes you can accept it, don't even kid yourself. It's your pride that won't let you. Question is…" An eyebrow raised, a twinkle in her eye. "Are you really gonna let that stop you?"

Indecision. These past couple of days, it proved rife with every major choice I made throughout the day, even including the less significant ones. It's gotten to the point where I second-guess what drink I want to go with breakfast.

But money? The smell of greens, the feel of its smooth texture gliding across your fingertips, creases and all?

Silently I patted around my pants for the deepest pockets it has, and then after a bit of ruffling around, those fat wads of cash soon became fat bulges sticking out of my pants.

"My pride hates me now…" I muttered, sighing over my utter defeat against temptation. When it comes to money, it was like an uphill battle with no peak… and the slopes were also covered in butter.

Ria, like the whispering devil by the shoulder she was, simply smirked and nodded approvingly at the act of human greed happening before her eyes, before setting her sights back to the front of the bus, ending the conversation with a nonchalant, "Then it's a good thing you had very little to begin with."

Ow.

Of course, for every blazing devil on the left was a misty white angel to the right and surprise, surprise - I so happened to have one right here, complete with the standard set of fangs and razor-sharp claws. You know, like the ones from the Bible. I just so happen to completely forget she was even beside me in the first place.

Not my fault. Adalia just blends in so well with the ambiance of everything. If it hadn't been for the bumps on the road gently bashing her head against my arm, I probably would have just departed off the bus without her once we've actually reached town.

Actually, I'm still kinda surprised she didn't mind coming along. Rainy and cloudy though it was, afternoon was still afternoon there's no changing that. I rarely ever see her up this early.

"Hey, Adalia," A simple question wouldn't hurt, right? "You aren't tired at all?"

The slow eventual turn of her gaze to mine was creepy as shit, especially with that blank stare of hers, then opposing that was her voice, so gentle and soft, whispering to me, "This outing you have.... with Ash… will it make the two of you… happy?"

Genuine curiosity, the way she tilted her head at me. Pairing with that was a genuine concern over me.

It was a nice gesture.

"That's the whole idea," I said, smiling slightly. "Here's hoping, huh?"

Adalia slowly turned away too, her eyes facing to the front.

"Then I'm not… tired…" she muttered.