My Upgrades Are Invincible

Merlin stood there mumbling about wonky time nonsense, whether helping me would mess with the visions she had in the future and if she was ever able to see me to begin with how Fate had no strings on me.

"Hey... What are you going to do with Artoria if she does become your Servant?' Merlin asked and my mind was filled with a thick flowery smell as her eyes were glowing a light pink. Thankfully I was immune to mind affecting nonsense both magically and biologically with the combination of my Eldritch Necklace and my Pure Body skill taking care of anything it considered 'foreign' to my body.

"I am going to collect a harem of all the saber faces." I said in a monotone like I was actually under her mind-control/hypnosis. "Then I am going to create a non-lethal tournament where they fight to win an all they can eat buffet." I joked with my face clearing up making Merlin's face scrunch up.

The rest of the crowd was watching this scene on tenterhooks ready to metaphorically dog pile the Magus of Flowers, should she attempt to attack me.

Merlin sighed and brushed her hands through her white hair obviously frustrated that I wasn't so easily toyed with. "Ughhh... Well can't be helped... Never seen little Artoria in a harem, other than her in the odd threesome or something." Merlin spoke and I could practically see the 'This is Fine...' meme in is head as he shrugged all responsibility away.

"I will help you bind this Artoria in a Servant contract but in return you must without fail also subdue another form of her that is causing problems that has elevated herself into a Divine Spirit." Merlin spoke tiredly and my mind was filled with the image of the light version of Boobtoria or in other words Lancer Artoria, though I had plans to snag the alter version as well.

I had fond memories of her alter lancer form carrying me through the majority of FGO's initial storyline as I had terrible luck rolling lancers, so I admit to having a bit of nostalgia for her. Seriously I rolled Artoria, Gilgamesh, Ishtar, and Jeanne, by the time I beat the third singularity in Rome and still didnt get a decent lancer other than her.

I nodded smiling lightly as I spoke. "Shouldn't be a problem... I have methods to deal with divines from my travels in the Reverse Side of the World." Merlin nodded hearing my words but out of nowhere Fou made a mighty dash from behind a bush and jumped into the air.

"Die Merlin!" The little Beast of Humanity cried out as he kicked Merlin in the face and knocked her to ground and began to violently maw the succubus's face.

Mash cried out in shock and ran away from Fujimaru and Olga to separate them seeing as Merlin didnt threaten the others, I guess.

But still a bad idea to leave the helpless people without her protection. I am going to have to remind her when we get back to Chaldea. I thought as Mash went about peeling the feral squirrel off of Merlin and as the succubus sat up all the scratches and bite marks faded almost instantly except for the weird paw print where Fou drop kicked Merlin in the face.

"Alrighty. So, Jake what I am going to do is implant an Avalon within you and then when you are fighting Artoria, I need you to kiss her and make sure to get some of your saliva in her." Merlin said confidently.

Olga and Mash immediately broke out into a fierce blush as my face twitched at Merlin's nonsense, but my mind was confused by what she meant by 'an avalon.' Like is Avalon something you can just pick up on the roadside now???

"Oh yeah I typically grab Avalon's from pruned timelines before they are destroyed, but with how I am stuck here in Avalon I can't project or take anything other than things tied to my legend and can come within my Servant Container." I nodded to her explanation understanding how the Nasuverse regularly pruned timelines that have become overly stagnate in order to keep their multiversal mess cleaned up with all its different timelines. Basically, Merlin has been going to the timelines that are being slated for deletion and snagging any Noble Phantasm's that are still around and hadn't faded with the stagnate world.

"Will Avalon harm me and will I be able to take it out at some point?" I asked thinking I could just fuse Avalon into a gem or something and wear it. Though honestly, I may just leave it within myself, as it's capable of a great deal of things and fusing it into something may make it lose its ability to merge within me which is its greatest draw as my body was obviously well covered in my armor.

"Pshhh... Nahhh. You will be just fine." Merlin said waving all my worries off as though it was nothing. "Alright so you agree with my proposal?" I just realized that she hadn't answered about whether I could actually take it out of myself later... Meh worst comes to worst I can have Freya fiddle fuck with my soul to pull out Avalon.

"Alright I agree." I said offering a handshake to seal the deal but Merlin didnt seem interested in that form of deal making as she stepped into my personal space and as she laid an arm around my neck and kissed me deeply, I felt a comforting heat around my chest. I opened my eyes from the little kiss and first thing noticed Merlin's purple eyes were also open and staring at me almost creepily, so I just focused on the golden glow on my chest as Merlin's hand pushed a golden glowing sword sheath into my chest.

We finally broke our kiss with Merlin humming in thought and even licking her lips before she spoke. "Yep, you definitely have some divinity in you... So how was your first time having a woman inside you?" She asked cheekily and I coughed in surprise at her choice of words.

"I would say something about you taking responsibility, but you are infamous for doing the exact opposite... I will just say if I somehow get pregnant in my soul, you will have a couple goddesses hellbent on torturing you for a few millennia and one of them is a Greek Olympian." I snorted mentally swearing if Merlin did any such thing to me that could get around my Pure Body skill, I would not rest till I fucked her over harder than Vivian and Nimue did.

"So that kiss was to push some form of magic into me that would bypass magic resistance, am I correct?" I questioned as I knew despite how frivolous and annoying Merlin was that she likely wouldn't just tongue fuck someone for a deal... I could be wrong, and my Pure Body skill could be messing with her though.

Merlin paused for a moment and then the troll nodded as though that was exactly her plan.

"Well in that case. I can already guess that you have zero plans to help us subdue Artoria correct." I said blandly and the other people frowned as Merlin gleefully nodded.

"Yup, I already messed around here enough, and certain people are already mad enough that I have disappeared from where I was. So good luck Masters of Chaldea, and don't die to Artoria as you have a great number of greater foes to face in the future." Merlin said cheerily as her body started to slowly break apart into glowing pink flower petals.

"Wait! Tell us who is making the Singularity's!" Olga cried out trying to get critical information, but Merlin frowned and shook her head unwilling to answer.

"I physically can't say such information lest the clairvoyant powers of the great enemy deem you all too much of a threat and decides to extinguish you." Merlin said with a sigh, but she obviously forced on a smile and gave me a wink. "Take care of my Artoria and don't bully her too much... Thats my job Haha!"

With that little line she disappeared into flower petals which fell to the ground and as the magic within the flowers dissipated the flowers themselves disappeared like embers carried in the wind.

"Bah... That pansy reminds me of the fey that would occasionally wander out into Ireland." Cu spat and stretched getting ready for us to march on to deal with Artoria. "So kid, why do you want to snag that Saber? She is kinda fucked up in the head from the grails corruption."

I didnt want to say, to feed the harem... Even if it was true.

"She is literally King Arthur and having Excalibur in any form will be a major boon especially as I will be able to fuel her mana needs fairly easily." My head cannon as for why even with basically unlimited mana from Chaldea, none of the servants could spam their Noble Phantasm's was that Chaldea itself had a limited output at the best of times.

Whereas any Servant contracted to me directly skips the whole Chaldea system and I was literally a primordial human in Nasuverse terms with my Pure Body skill giving my mana the purest efficiency in fueling their bodies let alone the actual amount of mana I as a level five has.

"Heh. Whatever you say, just take a bit of advice from a man who was ruined by women. They are more trouble they are worth." He groaned and I shivered feeling the killing intent from basically all the woman here except from Mash who only looked sad at being called troublesome.

"Let's get going before you get put in the doghouse." I said and then picked up Olga in a princess style as she stomped over to obviously yell at Cu.

"Hey, I didnt say you could pick me up." She muttered turning pink in the face at feeling embarrassed but she didnt yell about having me put her down as in Fujimaru's words, I had a reliable feel, and they knew I wouldn't drop them.

"Mash, carry your Master on your back. We need to get going." I ordered and had to roll my eyes as Tamamo made it plain that another woman wouldn't be touching her 'husband'...

"No! Cute girls like you will seduce Master away!" She yelled as she likewise princess carried Fujimaru blushed at being pushed into the kitsune's large breasts.

Well looks like her berserker instincts have kicked in and she has imprinted onto Fujimaru... I both envy and feel pity for her.