My Upgrades Are Invincible

I was unceremoniously deposited a full meter or so in the air above a large, padded mat the people here at Chaldea obviously threw together out of some mattress stacked atop and next to one another.

"See! I told you my genius methods wouldn't just leave them to wander the Ether... A meter or so off from the targeted area is miracle of science with the fact that parts of my laboratory was just blown up!" A female voice yelled out and I followed said voice seeing the one and only Da Vinci standing beside Romani.

It was hard to describe looking at Da Vinci as she was by most perspectives, damn near perfect in every way with her perfect proportions in her breast, hip, and leg ratios. Not to mention how perfectly symmetrical her face was that just barely hugged the line of the uncanny valley affect that would put people off.

"Yes, Da Vinci..." Romani sighed brushing a hand through his hair probably from all the stress then he continued as the Servants separated from the Master's "They are all fine, thankfully"

"Umu! Do not worry for my master will not be harmed under my watch!" Nero said confidently as she walked over and inspected Da Vinci closely and much to the bemusement of Da Vinci, she literally began liberally measuring the inventor with her fingers.

"Emperor Nero is something the matter?" Da Vinci asked cheerfully not seeming to care that Nero was touching her inappropriately but besides that I had already turned to Olga and Fujimaru who obviously didnt do all too well in the violent ray shift that brought us back.

"They seem just shook up and will need some rest." Romani explained watching me put Olga in a stretcher beside Fujimaru who also passed out and was in her own stretcher.

After a couple more words were spoken with the doctor and acting director of Chaldea, I had Artoria take Olga to her quarters to rest while Tamamo and Mash carried Fujimaru much more gently that Artoria's method to do the same.

"No No No! You must be an incarnation of the great goddess Venus!" Nero argued with Da Vinci as she went over how perfectly symmetrically and beautiful the inventor was.

Da Vinci could only wryly smile as explain how she handcrafted her body didnt help her argument at all as Nero pointed out that as Venus, she obviously would have had the help of Vulcan/Hephaestus in life to create that body, and at which point the inventor realized arguing with someone famous for being insane and literally burning a large portion of the capital of Rome to ashes was a lost cause.

"So, kid lets go get a drink and we can swap tales haha." Cu laughed as he wrapped an arm over my shoulder and I didnt fight him as I knew for one Nero would certainly follow me once she noticed I was gone and secondly... Artoria will almost certainly bee line it to the kitchen anyway.

A few minutes later we were both sitting down on a couple nice armchairs I kept in my space ring with a small wooden table between us to rest our drinks on as we spoke about our lives.

"Sooo... did Medb really die due to a block of cheese smashing her in the head?" I asked and Cú Chulainn slapped his knee as he broke into hysterical giggles at the thought of the biggest Thot in history being brained to death by a large block of moldy cheese.

"No Hehe." He snickered before gamely continued. "As far as I know her sister's son killed her once he grew strong enough to get revenge for Medb killing her and taking the throne."

We both however thought that the idea of a trebuchet launching a cheese wheel through a castle's stained-glass window and killing the woman was a far more hilarious tale though.

Cu then told me a bit about his training with Scathach the Queen of The Land of Shadows, and I made sure not to bring up any sensitive topics like his brother in a but blood Ferdiad or his son, and other such... Painful topics.

"So why don't you tell me one of your adventure's then!" He said awfully cheerfully after I brought out some Fire Whiskey I snagged from the Room of Requirement.

"Yes, I would love to hear one of my master's tales of adventure." Nero said bombastically and I smiled with how she brought me a tray of food along with her own, but then my smile froze seeing Artoria coming up from behind her with literally five pizzas' stacked atop one another on one tray, and two whole rotisserie chickens on another tray.

I steadfastly ignored how Artoria was likely to starve all of Chaldea with her gluttony and then I had thought. 'What if all those weird side singularities aren't due to Servant's being troublemakers and instead are just cover ups to pillage as much food from the areas in order to feed the army of Saber Faces and Berserker's.'

"Well, I was a teacher at a school for magic for all of a couple weeks and although I left for a number a reason, the biggest reason was how fucking stupid the faculty was... I mean they were running a tournament between magical schools to determine which school was the best via the school's chosen champion." I then went onto explain how all three students weren't at all combat ready, magic user's having absolutely never fought a single battle to the death between a worthy opponent.

"I mean seriously the champions were like seventeen and a fourteen-year-old that was illegally entered, and then they got told for their first task was to steal eggs from some nesting wyverns..." I said throwing my hands out at how insane that was and just to prove I wasn't full of shit I took out a pensive I fused from several broken ones I found in the Room of Requirement and we all quickly took a gander.

Now I called them Wyverns because even if they didnt have the right shape, no real dragon here in the Nasuverse could be captured by some piddly wizard and certainly no one would be fucking stupid enough to attempt to steal their eggs.

Even Cu who was basically Irish Hercules in all the bullshit he went through in life shook his head. "Kids need to work up the monster ranks... Really a wyvern for the first task." He sighed and at this point I had a bit of a following so I just made the Pensive project itself like a hologram showing how one of the 'dragons' broke loose and I killed it to save Harry from possibly being eaten.

"You should have broken the dragon's wings and tamed it." Artoria muttered and I almost nodded as having a dragon mount would be baddass. But I would rather wait and get a waifu dragon...

"I now have a stronger dragon to feed... So, I wont be needing another Haha." I said making her roll her eyes though she did blush a bit seeing the bare bones from the Rotisserie chicken's laying on the tray as evidence to her gluttony.

"Oi what happened to those people there? Are you still in contact with them?" Cu asked as I did hint that I did become friendly to a few people there and I was reminded about Fleur and wondered how she was and more importantly how much time had passed between our separate worlds.

I shrugged with a light smile as placed down my mug. "Well, I do plan on going back at some point as they had some good mystic codes and with them being on the Reverse Side of The World, all this Incineration of Humanity, won't affect them." I wanted to stock up on more magical stuff like space expanded pouches and other special materials I couldn't get easily in Danmachi or other worlds and I also wanted to check in with Fleur if time hadn't passed by much.

"Can I get my sword back now..." Artoria asked quietly leaning into me as Cu and Nero began arguing about whether a sword or spear were better at killing dragons.

I nodded and the moment Excalibur Morgan left my space ring it broke apart in black flames as it reformed within her hands.

"Good... Thank you and I shall serve you faithfully." Artoria said proudly not really bothering with her voice but with how Cu and Nero stood up on top of the tables and began fighting with magically reinforced food with Nero wielding a long baguette and Cu somehow finding a frozen sausage in the kitchens freezer's. Artoria's voice didnt carry far with the sight overtaking the cafeteria