Night Flight

They loaded Natori’s bike into Seiichi’s car once again, and set out immediately.

Seeing him again in the light of day, Natori’s long frame seemed a bit cramped in the passenger seat of the small, boxy car. It felt like his legs were taking up every spare inch.

“The light’s green, Uchino.”

“Oh, sorry!”

Seiichi hurriedly pulled his eyes away from Natori and stepped on the gas pedal.

The sky he could see through the window was still grey. Tiny raindrops had been hitting the front windshield for a while now, but it wasn’t a full-blown storm quite yet.

“Is there something wrong with my legs?” Natori asked in a surprised tone, and Seiichi shook his head. No no.

“I was just thinking you seem cramped. Sorry it’s such a small car. I did think about getting the next size up, but the loan seemed pretty harsh, so I gave it up.”

“You bought this car with a loan?”

“Yeah. I really went for it too, bought it brand new. I figured I could put in a navigation system afterwards, but in the end I never did. I’ve still got another two years on the loan, but I’m thinking about selling it once I see the UFOs.”

To be honest, his current loan was a bit too much for him, but he’d gotten himself into it so that he and Ami could go on touring dates. Normally, he would have bought a station wagon, or a sedan or something, but he’d been anticipating a future where he was going to get married and have children.

Ami had sat in the passenger seat where Natori was now and smiled happily, saying what a good-looking car it was. He had thought how wonderful she was not to have complained that he didn’t buy the bigger one.

“Why would you sell it if you still haven’t paid off the loan?”

A rather strong tone flew into his ear, and Seiichi gasped. Ami’s smiling face vanished from the back of his mind.

When he glanced over to the passenger seat, still blinking, Natori was glancing back. He still had his cap on, even inside the car. The bill cast a shadow, but Seiichi could still feel Natori’s doubtful gaze turned on him. He’d been spacing out again it seemed.

Seiichi answered in as bright a tone as he dared. “The maintenance costs are amazing, and it’s just me anyway. Something small would be fine.”

“That’s certainly true. And a smaller one would be more economical.”

“Do you have a car, Natori?”

“I do not. I do have a license though.”

“Oh, have you always been a paper driver?”

“No, I used to drive for work. I wouldn’t say I’ve always been a paper driver.”

“I see,” Seiichi said, just to fill the gap. The fact that he said he used to drive for work must have meant he worked in sales, or maybe the delivery or shipping industries. Or maybe he still did and he was just on holiday.

The truth was that he wanted to know all kinds of things about Natori, but he had no intention of asking. Seiichi knew he’d be in trouble himself if he was interrogated about his job and his current situation.

“I’m guessing since you decided to go by bike, you’re not in any particular hurry? Is there a certain day you’re wanting to be home by?”

“Not especially.”

Seiichi was relieved at Natori’s easy answer. Maybe eventually they’d have to stop traveling together, but he’d be lonely if they had to separate too soon.

“I don’t have any deadline either. Shall we take it slow then?”

“That’s fine.”

“Good. You want to head over to the UFO museum, then?”

“What is that?”

“It’s a private museum, they have photos of UFOs and top secret documents from the FBI and stuff on display.”

“The FBI…?”

Natori turned a suspicious eye on him, and Seiichi quickly waved both hands.

“Don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying it’s really the FBI. That’s just what they wrote on the museum’s website.”

“But you want to see it, yeah? You sure you’re not a UFO freak after all?”

“I am not. I just thought that since we’ve come all this way, we ought to get into the UFO spirit.”

“The UFO spirit…” Natori muttered, amazed, and just as he said it, the rain suddenly got stronger. The raindrops struck the roof with a steady tap, and before they knew it, the world beyond the front windshield was stained white.

“Wow, it’s really come down!”

“The visibility’s getting bad. Maybe we should park somewhere for the time being?”

“Like where?”

“You could pull in at the convenience store over there?”

Seiichi nodded and put on his blinker. As Natori had said, he could see a sign for a convenience store just in one corner of his window, which was hazy now with the fierce rain.

Natori’s so composed.

Had Seiichi been alone, he might have passed it right by. Natori was so calm, you’d never guess he was the younger one.

There were hardly any cars in the convenience store parking lot. It was probably thanks more to the weather than the fact that they were out in the country.

“I wonder how the typhoon’s doing.”

Seiichi parked the car and turned on the radio.

The pinnacle of earnest male voices joined the noise of the rain on the car roof.

“Mr Tomikawa was a victim of the Shigure Company natural energy scheme. The police are investigating both incidents–”

“This story again, huh. People have been pulling frauds like this forever, why do people still fall for them?”

“Everyone thinks they’re the ones who aren’t going to get tricked.”

The rain slammed against the car roof unchanged. Natori had said it as though he intended to say it to himself, assuming that Seiichi wouldn’t really be able to hear him, but he had replied, and Seiichi instinctively glanced over at him in the passenger seat.

Natori was looking over at him too, his seat belt unfastened.

“You really think so? Don’t you think, Maybe they’re trying to trick me too? I mean, normally.”

“If you do think that, you wouldn’t get tricked in the first place, surely.” Natori’s tone was disinterested right through to the end. It was dark outside, so it was dark in the car too. It was getting harder and harder to read Natori’s expression beneath the bill of his cap. Which reminded Seiichi, he felt like Natori had gotten a bit weird when they’d heard the Shigure Company news in that bike shop.

But he looked composed now, so Seiichi kept talking.

“Which are you, Natori? The one who thinks they’ll be okay, or the one who thinks you might get tricked?”

“I’m like you, Uchino. Generally speaking, when someone hears a beautiful story that’s definitely going to make them a profit, they don’t tell anyone else. Even if it requires an upfront investment, they’ll try to come up with the money on their own. All the more if they’re greedy.”

“Yeah that’s true, it certainly does seem that way.”

He felt like his argument had been completely destroyed. He’d never thought of it like that. Natori would never be caught up in any fraud.

But he still didn’t quite understand.

“Well, I’m so slow, I’d probably get tricked by something else.”

“Something else?”

“Divorce fraud, or like, dating schemes, stuff like that.”

He hadn’t noticed that Ami and Tatsuya were dating for a whole year. He and Ami had even planned a wedding ceremony together, and he hadn’t sensed at all that her heart wasn’t with him. He might not see through even close kin who approached with ill intentions, if there was love there.

Natori tilted his head at Seiichi’s self-derisive comment.

“Do you have some experience with that?”

“Mm– I wouldn’t say that exactly, but my friend did run off with my lover. I completely didn’t notice they were dating. I really am slow, honestly.”

He laughed shortly and scratched his head. He’d switched out bride for lover and best friend for friend because he thought it might really pique Natori’s interest if he said he’d been run out on by his bride on the day of their wedding.

The switch seemed vain, even to Seiichi.

But even so, he was surprised that he’d told Natori his situation without any resistance. He’d only just met Natori. Maybe it was because he knew Natori didn’t see him through any strangely-tinted lenses.

Well, no, it was because he was Natori.

It was that Natori had specifically decided to be gentle and consoling, and something about the air around him made Seiichi feel accepted.

Natori lapsed into silence for a bit, apparently thinking about something, but he eventually did open his mouth.

“That’s not fraud exactly.”

“Yeah, I know, but still. I completely did not notice the truth. Maybe I got arrogant, but I was convinced she absolutely loved me. I wanted to make her happy, I had all kinds of plans. Maybe that was just me being self-centered.”

It was a whole year, and you really didn’t notice? You didn’t think anything was strange? You must have overlooked something

I thought something was weird when I met her. There must have been some sign, you didn’t notice anything?

All the things his college friends had said to him resurfaced in his ears. He was being blamed even though he was the victim, he’d thought, that wasn’t fair.

But this was the first time he’d talked about what happened with a stranger like Natori, and realized that he did understand his friend’s point.

Maybe it was partly my fault too, that I couldn’t really see.

“I don’t think it’s odd to believe that the other person loves you too. That’s why you were lovers,” Natori said plainly.

Seiichi mumbled. “Yeah, but I think it was a little my fault too. Maybe I was just wrapped up in my own thoughts and doing whatever I wanted, and not really thinking about her.”

Otherwise, surely she wouldn’t have betrayed him like that.

Natori tilted his head a bit.

“Were you violent towards her, or abusive? Did you tie her up randomly, or borrow huge sums of money from her?”

“That’s domestic violence. Of course I didn’t do anything like that.”

“I didn’t think so.”

Natori gave a short laugh.

What the heck, he seems kind of irritated.

Natori must have noticed Seiichi frowning, because he smiled a little. But this time somehow it wasn’t pouty. Instead, it tickled the inside of Seiichi’s chest.

“I’m not saying you didn’t do anything wrong, but that’s normal, I think. There are no perfect human beings. That’s exactly what makes it her fault.”

“But…”

“No buts,” Natori snapped, as if he would interrupt even the rain. “If she was dissatisfied with you, Uchino, shouldn’t she have said something? If she really hated you, she should have said she wanted to break up as soon as she started going out with your friend. To hide it, and do it all behind your back, and then to toss you aside on top of all of it, it’s just inexcusable,” Natori continued in a quiet, but strong tone.

“It’s fine to reflect on what happened, but I don’t think you have to blame yourself any more than necessary. You don’t have to forgive someone who assaults you. You’re the victim here, and that woman and your friend are clearly the perpetrators. Those positions are not reversible.”

“Yeah, true. Maybe…” Seiichi nodded, but the unexpectedly adamant way Natori had said it bothered him.

Is he worried about me?

It didn’t feel like just that, there must have been another reason.

Natori seemed to frown, probably in response to Seiichi’s wishy-washy response.

“You aren’t still in love with that woman, are you?” Natori asked, straight to the point, and Seiichi let out a surprised grunt.

Am I still in love with Ami?

It was weird, but in these past six months, he’d never once considered how he felt about her.

They’d been going out for eight years, if he included their time in college. They had a lot of fun memories together. He vividly remembered how it felt to think she was special to him. Of course he did, he’d intended to marry her.

And she couldn’t even come to apologize in person.

Ami’s family and Tatsuya had both told him that Ami was sorry, but he didn’t know if those words had really come directly from her. Maybe the messengers had exaggerated things. Maybe Ami had never been sorry in the first place. Or maybe she was more apologetic than he imagined.

“I don’t really know, I guess,” he muttered absently. Natori said nothing.

“I don’t think I love her, but if you ask me if I hate her, I mean… I hate that she betrayed me, and I can’t forgive that, but… If some miracle happened and she told me she’d repented and she wanted to come back, I absolutely wouldn’t take her back, but… How can I put it… I guess I really just don’t know.”

Seiichi knew what he was saying was nonsensical, but Natori nodded disinterestedly. Then he must have decided he could use a snack, because he picked up the paper bag they’d set on the dashboard and took out a manju.

Seiichi wondered if Natori was going to give it to him, but Natori peeled off the wrapper and popped it in his own mouth. While he chewed on it, Seiichi heard him mutter a tiny, “Mm, good.”

“You’re not going to offer me one?” Seiichi asked timidly, and Natori glanced at him.

“You want one?”

“I do.”

“Here then.” Natori readily offered him the paper bag.

“The whole bag…”

“What?”

“No, nothing.”

Seiichi accepted the bag, took out a manju, and peeled off the wrapper. When he glanced over at Natori, he was eating his manju in silence.

“Natori. Are you angry?”

“I’m not.”

“The way you talk, you sound angry.”

“I just said I’m not.”

His tone was definitely resentful, though. Maybe it was because he’d listened to Seiichi’s predicament, and even encouraged him, and Seiichi was still waffling.

But I do feel a little better talking to Natori

As Seiichi unwrapped the manju, his shoulder drooped, and he suddenly felt something warm on his head. Just as he realized it was Natori’s palm, Natori gently ruffled his hair.

What? What is this? Is he consoling me?

Timidly, he glanced over at Natori. But of course he couldn’t really see Natori’s expression, because of that cap.

“You’re not angry?”

“I am.”

“But you just said you weren’t, didn’t you?”

“It was true in that moment.”

“It was true in that moment… Are you angry or are you not angry, which is it?”

Seiichi frowned and stuffed the manju in his face, not even pretending to be calm. The wonderful aroma of brown sugar filled his mouth instantly.

“Oh, these are good. These are good, Natori.”

“I know. They are good.”

Natori’s voice was terribly gentle, and Seiichi’s cheeks slowly warmed.

The rain that had been hitting the car roof incessantly now suddenly weakened, as if Seiichi’s blushing was the signal it had been waiting for. It was so dark you’d never guess it was the middle of the day, but it did get a little brighter.

“If it’s going to lighten up, maybe we could go outside. It’s kinda sudden, but shall we go buy something for lunch at a convenience store?”

“Shall we?”

Seiichi stole a glance at Natori and he nodded disinterestedly. He had a high-bridged nose, and the area around his mouth was taught, like he had a strong will. But Seiichi couldn’t see his eyes, so it wasn’t clear what kind of expression he really had.

I don’t know him that well, do I…

Cold and strict, maybe, but gentle too.

All things considered, I don’t dislike him.

I’m glad I invited him to travel together.