North x Northwest

Avar took a ring from his finger and threw it at Alain. Curses erupted within Alain’s thoughts almost immediately…

‘He’s giving me jewels to pay for my bail when I don’t even know if I’ll live tomorrow… the bastard. I’d rather he give me meat…’

But on the outside, Alain wore a big smile and bent his body forward.

“Although I’ll take this precious jewel into account, and I dare to say this, I’m hoping that you’ll understand that I have no choice but to think about the physical pain I’m going through first. Despite our shabby appearance, we’re high-ranking officials hired by the Viscount himself. Over the years working for him we’ve grown accustomed to the dining culture of the Empire, where we ate food with a spoon and fork, but now it’s unbearably uncomfortable for us to pick up and eat food from a bowl without them. Everyone else in my cell shares the same sentiment as me. I’ve no problem informing you about the situation in the South, but if it’s not too much of a burden, I hope you can consider these inconveniences and help us, then I will be able to help you even more.”

Hearing himself talk, Alain knew what he just said was packed into some long-winded nonsense, but he was also well aware of the fact that imperial nobles often used words that went in circles like this. He assumed Avar would easily understand, so he bowed his head even more.

“You mean, you need spoons and forks?”

“Yes, yes that’s right.”

“Hearing you talk like that, it seems that you guys don’t seem to use table utensils on your islands, or do you?”

“No, but we do use a stick that resembles a spoon…”

“Then do you eat the rest with your hands? Like animals?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m ashamed to admit it…”

People around burst into laughter. Suddenly, men and women gathered one by one to watch. Avar looked mockingly down at Alain, who kept bowing his head. The crowd seemed to find it rather amusing that Alain was praising spoons and forks as if they were part of the great culture of the Empire.

“Then try this.”

With a sly smirk, Avar held out the teacup he was holding.

“We just drink the water…”

“I said try it.”

Just when Alain was about to explain himself again, he raised his eyes upon sensing the strange atmosphere. Dozens of eyes were watching him with interest. All of them were dressed in flashy clothes and wore white wigs. They were men with peacock feathered hats and women with bouquets of flowers piled up like towers in their hair.

Alain lifted his hands which had been gathered on his belly button. As both of his hands were held together by an iron chain, he dipped them both into the teacup. Boos and shouts erupted as he licked his wet fingers.

A woman who was covering her face with a fan next to Avar clicked her tongue and spoke.

“Oh, it’s so pitiful… he’s like an animal. I think you should help those poor fellows.”

“Should I?”

Avar embraced the woman as though to shield her from something she shouldn’t see. After Alain wiped the tea off his beard and mouth with his forearm, Avar replied, clapping satisfactorily as though he had been looking at an interesting play.*

“Then I give you my word. I’ll even include some knives…”

***

Because she had been wandering around the city all day, Lil was exhausted and soaked in the bathtub. The delicate scent of linden flowers rose from the surface of the water. The maids even added some incense for relaxation, but she didn’t feel like she would get any rest anytime soon. It was because all kinds of different routes, possibilities and variations came to mind one after the other.

‘The market’s bustling alleys, the corners of brick buildings, the round square, the city hall… Roahn is unlike any other city I’ve ever visited. The cities I know consist of those typical old styled neighbourhoods, with a more relaxed and laid-back way of life. Outside those mansions, one could already see forests and hunting grounds, and people would walk leisurely on the road. Fields and orchards coexist with the city.

Roahn, however, has no view of the countryside at all. The only open spaces are the artificially landscaped parks and the vacant lots yet to be developed. Buildings are densely built as if several cities were condensed together. It has a high population density and the residents are diverse due to the mixture of various classes and nationalities.’

The busy streets made Lil’s head hurt. 

‘The plan I can come up with so far is for us to cross the centre of this chaotic city… with about a hundred people… Gualtiero is at the far end of the city, on the inland side, whereas the sailors have to board the ship from the port side. The variables and alternatives that come to mind are becoming more congested… When I was merely looking at the map, I never predicted it would be this much, so seeing the streets in person was quite a shock.’ 

Lil sighed at her mounting worries.

Shortly after, a maid entered the room, carrying Lil’s nightgown.

“Sir Edgar has returned. He said he’ll wait in the library.”

“Okay.”

As Lil exited the bathtub, the maid wrapped a towel around her. Lil walked behind the partition, wiped her body and brushed her hair. It was then that she was given a glimpse of the side view of her naked body in the full-length mirror.

Lil turned her body to fully face it.

She was content with the fact that her body had swollen as a result of her overeating. 

‘My muscles are still sluggish, but I appear much more human than when I first regained consciousness… I was nothing but skin and bones back then…’

The gaze that attentively went down, paused just below her chest. Her fingertips slowly traced the wound that crossed her abdomen obliquely, beginning near the pit of her stomach. The scar was much longer than the original entry wound because a bigger incision was needed in order to locate the penetrated artery. When her fingers brushed against the rugged stitch marks, her stomach felt tingling for no reason.

‘How I managed to survive something like that is still a mystery to me…’

Lil put her arms out in front of her. 

‘It’s strange to realise that someone else’s blood is coursing through these protruding blue veins on my wrists… Everyone’s life is valuable, regardless of circumstances, so I never expected the Mother of All Things to save my breath in particular. There are plenty of other women who are willing to bear children in my stead… I have always felt like it was my fate to constantly need to prove my existence by making a fuss, or else I was doomed to vanish at any moment…

However, someone broke the taboo and saved my life. And the Mother of All Things merely watched the hard struggle that followed afterwards from a distance. Why didn’t the Mother just cut my lifeline, reasoning that, as a woman, I’m not worth the effort anyway? Does this actually mean that my life isn’t futile, but has special meaning?’ 

Lil had seen countless people die from injuries way smaller than hers. 

‘Many people have been way more unfortunate… thinking about it now makes me just belatedly grateful that I’m alive.’

Lil walked slowly closer to the mirror. As her folded knees touched the ground, her pelvis locked and her shoulders tilted. Her arms and chest shook with the afterglow of sitting down. Even this simple gesture was thrilling. She grabbed her breasts out of habit. The lumps of flesh, which she once hated, were held by her hands in their organic wholeness. When she let go of her breasts, red handprints were left behind. Lil had to admit.

‘My body and vitality are inseparably mixed and beautiful. My body, with its smooth legs, bulging breasts and buttocks… My body with weak muscles and soft skin… I finally feel like it can simply be like this. I don’t have to hide my figure with a necklace or grow my hair forcibly for that matter.’

“…Is this really me?”

Lil asked the invisible shadow in the mirror. Her old acquaintance, with his black mouth wide open, didn’t seem to agree. 

“…Shed more blood, give more flesh…”

Only a greedy echo was heard.

Lil rummaged through the clothes she had hung over the partition. She lifted her pants, took out a dagger and held it near her neck. 

‘This seems too short. My hair should be at least long enough to be tied up or made into an updo…’ 

The tip of her dagger went down to her collarbone. With her other hand, Lil grabbed a bunch of her hair and pulled it down in front of her. Her hair, which reached her hips, could have grown till this length because Cesar told her not to cut it. The whole time she was on the Bell Rock, she had never worn a dress or make-up in front of him, so she thought she could heed his request this much. It was his reward for enduring her uncaring appearance. Compared to the physical appearance management she suffered all over her body when she was in Sesbron, Lil considered this a much simpler request and did feel a bit sorry for him.

“This is all that I have to cut. Take this.”

Mortu, who had been hiding in the dark, didn’t answer. 

‘As expected, hair is nothing to him. Mortu is a being who is greedy for flesh and blood… He desires only human suffering…’

 – – – – – 

Footnote: 

Maybe this scene was a bit hard to understand, so we would like to give a small explanation. Alain is carefully packing his words into a tale about table manners to get the utensils Marenzio wants to use. Sir Avar, on the other hand, reads the atmosphere in the room and decides to mock and force Alain to behave like a ‘person from the South who doesn’t use utensils’ for their own entertainment.