North x Northwest

“…It’s not that.”

“You look like you want to ask why I didn’t tell you about him.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

‘I was indeed once concerned that Cesar would’ve been executed in Gualtiero. His execution would’ve had serious consequences and impact on my crew. Every day my stomach churned with worry, but in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to ask Ed, who, by then, definitely knew about Cesar’s background… Without knowing Ed’s feelings, I could never ask such an unscrupulous question…’

“You didn’t ask. Or would you’ve preferred that I told you first? Why would I concern myself with the man who loves you and who you might’ve loved? …If I say that I felt relieved that you didn’t appear that curious about him, does that make me sound shameful?”

“I’ve never said anything to imply any of that…”

“I’m not a generous person like you; I’m a lowly and narrow-minded man who has never forgiven anyone and has no intention to ever do so. Do you know why I didn’t touch the Captain?”

“..!”

‘…Ed isn’t bluffing… Indeed, Ed could’ve easily cornered Cesar with the charges of attempted murder of an admiral. Cesar, after all, took part in the crime while being fully aware of Ed’s rank. Cesar wouldn’t even have had the chance to deny it…’

“Because you would’ve felt unnecessarily responsible for his demise, even though you shouldn’t. You’re simply that kind of person. You’re probably already living with the guilt of ruining the Captain’s promising life for years, right? But I can only imagine how you’d react if his life ended because of an execution. Although everything is the result of the Captain’s choice, you would’ve found fault in yourself even for that…”

“…”

“It’s a good trait, and as a captain, it’s even better, but how should that trait be treated when it comes to the ordinary relationships between men and women? Whether it’s a matter of life or death, no one expects anyone to take responsibility just because of the other’s affection. If you didn’t have a certain degree of resolve and be able to draw the line, you shouldn’t have even started it in the first place…”

‘I always thought that the reason for Cesar’s pardon was questionable, but this was the truth. It’s because Ed chose to remain silent…’

“…I didn’t know you were thinking that.”

Ed’s precision pierced Lil. 

‘Regardless of why Cesar and Ed fooled me by pretending they didn’t know each other, Cesar really did intend to kill Ed, and Ed knew it. He was aware of it, but he didn’t do anything. He didn’t even seek retaliation… All for my sake. I’m at a loss for words because it feels like I’ve been given a favour that’s way too grand for me. But Ed is right, it would’ve been difficult for me to bear if Cesar had paid the price for what he did…’ 

Lil herself knew that better than anyone else.

Fumbling through the air, Lil reached out for Ed’s hand. She put her hand on the back of his, which was firmly gripping the armrest. As she wrapped her hand around his, she noticed his hand trembling with its protruding knuckles.

“I don’t know how to thank you.”

“ ‘…If I kill him, she won’t be able to handle it when she wakes up…’ When that thought entered my mind, I decided that I shouldn’t kill him. I was convinced that you would wake up, so I had to keep him alive. Several times a day… I wanted to get him out of my sight. Only The Mother of All Things knows how much I wanted to put a bullet in the back of the head that whispered and kissed you every day…”

“…”

“I’m not generous enough to see your bond with the Captain and how special the Captain is to you, because I, on the other hand, am still nothing… I want to pretend it’s okay, but that isn’t working out the way I want it to… So, if you’re going to cherish something or everything he told you, I hope you cherish it only in your mind.”

Lil reflexively opened her mouth but quickly shut it in surprise. 

‘Ed is nothing? He isn’t like that at all. He’s so unique… so special that I have no idea what it means because he’s unlike anyone else. He’s an indefinable man, not a man of nothing… I can’t even wrap my head around everything I’ve thought about him. My thoughts of him are about to overflow at any moment. They’re wonderful at times and fulfilling at others. They can be painful at times, too. I’m still confused by all of this. But how could someone like that be nothing?’

“What do you mean nothing? It’s not like that.”

Lil withdrew the hand that had been covering Ed’s. But before she could move it further away, Ed held her hand again. Their fingers intertwined and were entangled to the point of tingling. Even though their hands were interlocked entirely, his tightened as if something was still missing.

“Then tell me.”

As if sensing something, Ed’s eyelashes trembled while a yellow light flashed in his eyes again. Lil, however, only stared at him while he waited for her to answer. 

‘Can we be so hasty? I still have a lot of things I don’t know, so can I already put a name on those feelings?’

“I don’t know.”

“…”

“Next time.”

Lil awkwardly turned her head. With the hand she pulled away from Ed’s, she took hold of the quill.

Ed didn’t reach for her again.

***

That Admiral Retiro was a doctor was something everyone in Roahn knew.

Although he didn’t serve as a Navy surgeon, it was widely known that patients came and went from his mansion. More specifically, this was true for patients with incurable diseases or those suffering from some particular kind of chronic diseases. It was nothing new that aristocrats were interested in learning. Of course, compared to focusing on collecting animals and plants or building museums, the area the Marquess was interested in, medicine, was quite unique, but nobody really made a fuss about it.

As a result, the fact that there was a patient in his mansion didn’t spark rumours. However, the presence of a possible mistress did. 

Even those who weren’t usually interested in poking their noses into other people’s love lives would be tempted. Ed was, after all, unmarried. Because Roahn was home to aristocrats from various families, a lot of lords were eyeing the position next to Ed for their daughter. And even though he was past the usual marriageable age, for those in power like Ed, age was never that important. The same was true for the horrifying rumours about the Marquess’ exploits at the Imperial Clairaut, including tales of cutting open the stomachs of other races and collecting their corpses… The young noblewomen who witnessed his gleaming appearance during the fleet protocols firmly believed that such rumours were all nonsense.

So, when at some point his ‘patient’ turned into his ‘mistress’, the windows of the mansion began to slip open. According to the rumours flowing out, not only his mistress but Ed himself had arrived in Roahn. Then, out of nowhere, the original rumour was overruled and word spread that Ed was actually hiding in his mansion with his mistress.

And the possible source of this new rumour was…

Roahn’s dressmaker passed through the salon of a mansion while humming a song. He opened his eyes wide and looked around as he entered the gallery. 

‘As one would expect from Roahn’s finest villa, the interior is lavishly gilded with lambris, glasswork decorations, and jewellery pieces!’

There was no time for him to rest his eyes. 

‘This is a mansion that can only be rented by a Royal. Villa Somemei is said to be the most valuable villa in Roahn, except for the Retiro mansion, which cannot be sold or bought.’

The dressmaker happily imagined his customer’s identity who would be waiting for him in the boudoir. He then looked back and checked the imported furs and silks on his procession. 

Even the villa’s exclusivity didn’t help him escape his awe. He shrugged and stood frozen on the landing until a man who looked like the manor’s butler glared disapprovingly at him. The dressmaker was about to greet him, but the butler struck him first.

“I told you to come simply. Why did you take your whole procession?”

The dressmaker rubbed his hands together and lowered his head.

“No, but I’m still meeting a lord, right? This is how simple it can get.”

“Send it back.”

“Sorry?”

“The master only wants to see you.”

“Then the clothes…”

“I’ll take care of them, so hurry in.”

The butler scorned the dressmaker’s proud procession with contempt. Meanwhile, the dressmaker himself stumbled around and passed through the door like he was being pushed. This whole ordeal gave him an ominous feeling. 

‘They obviously know I’m a dressmaker, but it doesn’t appear that the lord has called me in to have his clothes tailored… So, for what other reason would they summon me here?’ 

As threatening imaginations shook his mind, the mansion’s hallway seemed to freeze over. 

‘A person with this level of power could easily play with my life and twist it in whichever way he wants to…’