Not Knowing The Betrayal Of That Day

‘…They said he was dead.’

‘…….’

‘Well, it’s only natural because he was sold as a gladiator slave. It’s unfortunate.’

An unfamiliar voice rang in her head. Tessa felt that even her vision was blurry. Everything was hazy like a fog. She blinked dazedly and looked up at the man who was still talking to her.

‘No one came back alive after being dragged there in the first place.’

The man whose eyes, nose and mouth were crushed was constantly talking about Hert’s death. Tessa let out a disbelieving smile unknowingly. Hert’s dead? What nonsense…

But all of a sudden, Tessa felt like she had gone through all this once before.

‘Ah…’

Before long, Tessa let out a low sigh. She realized that what was unfolding before her was a dream of something she had been through before.

Yes, this was a nightmare, showing her over and over again what she did seven years ago. Otherwise, the man in front of her could not have been saying that Hert was dead.

‘Then just leave.’

Tessa was glaring at the Baron’s servant who was disappearing. Dead, who’s dead? Hert is alive. Liar. But her lips seldom opened. She should have said a word before the servant completely disappeared, but her body wouldn’t listen to her.

Instead, like that day, her head was getting dizzy.

‘Ahh… no…’

Suddenly, an animal-like cry erupted from her lips. It was the same as that day.

After hearing the news of Hert’s death, she couldn’t believe it, so she stared blankly into the air for a while and then started crying as if pouring everything out. As soon as she recognized her own crying, she felt tears running down her cheeks.

Then, an immense wave of despair engulfed Tessa entirely. Her mind had broken down and her body crumbled. Her lungs tightened as if it was going to break, and Tessa fell to the floor and began to cry like a mad woman.

‘…No no! He’s not dead, Hert’s not dead! Lies. Lies to deceive me!’

She knows it’s a lie now, but at that time, Hert’s death came clear because of the handful of golden hair that the servant had given her along with the news. Tessa hunched forward and sobbed uncontrollably. Her body was out of control like she had lost everything.

‘No… Please, don’t do this…’

Tessa couldn’t stop her crying even though she knew this was a dream. Even though she knew that Hert was alive now, the memories of that day overlapped now and the agony of losing him vividly came back to life. Most of all, it made her even more unbearable that her own foolish choices had pushed him to his limbs. Because it wasn’t a lie.

Tessa curled up her body.

‘…No, no!’

Stop showing this to me. Why are you doing this to me all of a sudden? No way… Is it because I am greedy? Hoping to want to stay with Hert?

Tessa wept and wrapped her arms around her head. Her crying did not stop. Even though her face was soaked to the point that she looked like a mess, the tears continued to flow down as if it would continue until her whole body was dry. Her heart also felt like it was being cut with a knife, making it difficult for her to even breathe properly.

‘Stop it, please!’

No matter how much she shouted to herself in her dreams, the pain continued. Was this dream so painful in the first place? Tessa scratched the floor, panting, her face covered. It was the first nightmare since she started sharing a bed with Hert. She didn’t know that the nightmare she had forgotten for a while would drive her so crazy.

No, please stop. Please someone wake me up… Get me out of this nightmare. Tessa pleaded into the air. She prayed desperately, even though she knew that there was no one to help her in her dream. It was a different choice when she accepted with resignation.

‘Tessa.’

Then someone appeared in front of Tessa. Tessa reflexively grabbed someone’s leg and lifted her head. Aacckk! Tessa screamed and jumped away from him. Hert was looking at her with blood flowing all over his body. His body was full of wounds cut with a sword.

Hert spoke in a ferocious voice to Tessa, who was trembling.

‘Because of you, I became like this.’

‘H-Her…’

‘You pushed me to hell. Are you satisfied now?’

Tessa shook her head haphazardly. No, it can’t be… I was in pain too, I wanted to run away…! I never thought I got it good! I wish you didn’t end up like that too! Tessa shouted out loudly in her dream, things she had never said outside of her dream.

But Hert continued to stare at Tessa.

‘I loved you. But what I received after giving you my love is your betrayal?’

‘No, Her…’

‘I was the only one who loved you. You didn’t love me.’

As he did every time he appeared in his dreams, this time, Hert lashed out at Tessa with bitter accusations. And even though those words were not actually Hert’s, they pierced Tessa’s chest like a dagger. Maybe these were Hert’s true feelings. Tessa managed to keep the nausea coming out.

‘I want to kill you.’

‘Ahh…’

‘Let’s die together. You will die with me, too.’

The boy’s hand reaches out towards Tessa. His large hand gripped Tessa’s neck, and she was choked in an instant. It was so painful that she really couldn’t breathe. Can I finally die? While Hert was strangling her, Tessa thought.

The pain of dying was excruciatingly painful, but in fact, she often wanted to die like this. Ironically, that was the case at the time. Even in death, she wanted to follow Hert.

And it was at that moment.

“Tessa!”

There was a voice calling her in haste. Her blurry vision flickered, trying to focus on someone. Who… Her mind was spinning round and round. Tessa woke up very slowly from her dream. The world was still dark, but there was a small light that she couldn’t see.

Tessa came to her senses the moment she met the terrified blue eyes.

“Tessa!”

Ah.

Tessa saw Hert’s face, who seemed to be running out of breath, and was quite agitated. With a dazed face, she glanced at the man who had awakened her from a nightmare, from the darkness.

The unsteady eyes beneath his fluttering eyelashes showed how emotionally agitated he was. It wasn’t just that. There was a cold sweat on his forehead, and the hand holding her was full of strong power. He looked down at her with a face painted entirely with fear.

Tessa called out the man’s name in disbelief.

“Hert…?”

“Are you… okay?”

Hert’s wheezing breath was felt right in front of her. Tessa looked around. The room wasn’t much different from before she fell asleep. Instead, time had passed, and the brightly lit room was instead dim now. Perhaps Hert had come to visit her for dinner.

“I’m fine… I just had… a nightmare.”

To reassure Hert, Tessa put more force in her voice and explained. But Hert said, “Don’t be ridiculous,” and twisted his face grimly.

“Who’s fine, damn it, who has nightmares while strangling themselves?”

“…….”

“I… Do you know how surprised I was to see that?”

Haaa, Hert exhaled the breath he had been holding back and released Tessa’s body he had been holding tight. Then, with both of his seriously trembling hands, he ruffled his hair roughly. After that, he swept his face a few more times, then opened his mouth again.

“You have a problem. Something serious too.”

“…I……”

“Don’t. I’m going crazy right now.”

Tessa shut up at Hert’s words. Eventually, Hert calmed down, he began to gently caress Tessa’s face with his trembling hand. It was like a mirage that Tessa was about to disappear at any moment. Damn it. In addition, swear words continued to pour out of his mouth.

“Did you… do that before?”

“…I’m fine… It’s not a problem. It’s never a problem…”

Something like this happened several times before, times when she woke up by strangling herself like today, but it never led to a bigger problem. She just woke up with a little sore throat.

In the first place, it would be impossible for her to strangle herself to death because she didn’t have the strength for it. And Tessa knew it well because she had been through it a lot.

Of course, listening to that answer, Hert’s eyes widened fiercely.

“There are no problems? Are you crazy? You call… that nothing? I thought I was wrong…”

“…….”

“You have a talent for making people crazy, can’t you see anything right now? Unless you’re really trying to make me crazy…”

Suddenly, Hert pulled Tessa into his arms. His pounding heartbeat reached Tessa.

Tessa quietly closed her eyes in his firm and warm embrace. She didn’t know it, but she realized that her heart was beating as loudly as Hert.

For some reason, Tessa felt like she was about to cry as she listened to the sound of his heartbeat, which calmed her.

Every time she woke up from her nightmares while strangling herself, no one was by Tessa’s side. She curled up with her body that had gone cold and endured it alone until dawn. And then she would spit out reassurances to herself—that she survived today, too.

Even as she wished that tomorrow would not come, she nevertheless contraded herself as she wished that she would survive today as well.

“…….”

But this time it was different. Hert was next to her to give her a warm hug. In the end, Tessa burst into tears. She couldn’t bear it any longer.

Every time she opened her eyes in this way she had never thought she was lonely, but now that he came, she never had the time to feel alone. She was exhausted from those periods of solitude. No, in the first place, she should have been deprived of her right to feel lonely at all.

Hert opened his mouth as he stroked Tessa’s weeping face.

“Don’t cry.”

“…….”

“You really have a problem.”

Listening to Hert’s words, Tessa nodded her head. That’s right. She had a problem with herself.