Not Knowing The Betrayal Of That Day

Ever since the new lord left for the campaign, Tessa seemed to have no appetite and she would not eat. The doctor advised her to try and eat better, but Tessa only continued to take a few spoonfuls. That’s why lately Mani has been focusing a lot on Tessa’s meals.

Today’s stew was made with fresh potatoes, carrots and sliced pork in a broth made from chicken that was prepared ambitiously. Apart from that, she was also served with rye bread that’s been baked with plenty of nuts, had unsalted butter, and on the side was a salad with figs. They were also made by recalling what Tessa often ate while helping her with meals in the past.

‘Today… I should urge her to eat at least half of it.’

Mani tightened her grip on the tray and headed for Tessa’s room. Arriving in front of the room that was more guarded than anywhere else, Mani was able to enter the room only after someone else had confirmed that there was nothing wrong with the food.

Kennis, the doctor, was already in the room, helping Tessa. Tessa was holding a glass of water, her hand faintly trembling, perhaps her body wasn’t getting enough energy from lying in bed all day.

“Madam, I brought you a meal. Please try to eat a little more today.”

Mani placed a low table on top of the bed and began placing food one by one on it. Beside her, Kennis handed Tessa a spoon while urging her. When Tessa looked at the food Mani had brought, she was visibly bright. She seemed to be interested in food a little more today.

Mani opened her mouth in a proud voice.

“Looking at it the other day, I thought you enjoyed this kind of stew…”

“Thank you, Ma… Urk!”

Tessa was about to scoop up the stew with a spoon.

Tessa unknowingly jerked her head away from the food, with a momentary burst of nausea. Mani and Kennis looked at Tessa in dismay at her reaction.

“Madam?”

“Sorr… Uuurk— P-Put it away. Suddenly, the smell… Mmph.”

Tessa covered her mouth with one hand, and tossed out the spoon, and she clasped her hand for the food to be removed quickly. Eventually, Mani had to hastily pull the folding table away from the bed.

Kennis’s expression hardened as she was looking at Tessa, then she jumped up and rummaged through her examination bag.

“I believe I’ll have to do a test.”

“W-What kind of test?”

Mani asked on behalf of Tessa, who had covered her mouth with her hand. Kennis hurriedly pulled something out of her bag. Then she held up a test strip and a small cup, and she replied sternly.

“A test to see if you’re pregnant, Madam.”

.

.

.

“…You are with child, Madam.”

Tessa looked at Kennis blankly for a moment. Not a single word came out of her mouth. What did the doctor just say? What now…

As Tessa’s expression changed every moment, Kennis gave a small sigh, and she spoke again.

“I was complacent. At first I thought it couldn’t be the case because I thought I knew your body’s state well. I’m sorry, Madam. I have no face to show you as your doctor. Knowing this important matter now… I am really sorry.”

Kennis lowered her head and cast her gaze down. Even though she’s a doctor, it weighed heavily on her heart that she did not properly grasp and recognize a patient’s physical condition.

‘I thought it would be absolutely impossible to get pregnant with the Madam’s current condition…’

In fact, she had been feeling that Tessa’s condition was a little strange the whole time, but she really didn’t expect that it was because of pregnancy. Tessa’s body when Kennis examined at that time was a mess and she had long stopped having her menstruation. Even though her body was improving a lot this time, her ovulation still stopped.

Pregnancy seemed absolutely impossible.

“N-No… way…”

Tessa shuddered slightly at Kennis’s earnest response. Pregnant. Was she really pregnant? At that moment, she felt her heart pounding and sinking. She couldn’t think of anything vaguely. She was embarrassed rather than delighted and moved, and fear and dread came.

She still couldn’t believe that a child was in her stomach.

“…That’s a lie.”

“…Madam.”

“But… ho… how…”

Women normally had a monthly visitor, but for Tessa, it’s been over a year now since the last time she had her period. Because of that, Tessa knew early on that she was broken.

But she was not disappointed. Rather, she felt at ease knowing that she would never have to see a child from her.

The child born from her womb would be unhappy.

Besides, even Kennis, the doctor, said she had no chance of getting pregnant right away. So Tessa did not even take birth control whenever she shared a bed with Hert. It was because she knew that a child would never take root in her unstable womb. She didn’t want to offend Hert either.

But she’s pregnant now.

Even in this situation…

Advertisements

Tessa struggled to open her mouth in a trembling voice.

“You said… I, I wouldn’t have… a child… now.”

“…Yes, that’s what I said. But there can always be exceptions…”

“No…!”

Suddenly, Tessa cut off Kennis’s words and shouted in a low voice. Before long, Tessa’s eyes were welling up with tears. She seemed very desperate. Like she never should have gotten herself pregnant. She wept and wrapped her arms around herself as if to cover her stomach.

‘I wasn’t supposed to do this…’

To have Hert’s child.

A child in this stomach…

Tessa eventually burst into tears as she was at a loss for what to do next. Against her will, tears ran down her eyes.

Beside her, Kennis and Mani tried their best to soothe the crying Tessa, but her ears went silent. The bad thoughts kept repeating.

‘Hert… will… not want it. For sure…’

Because he doesn’t want a child.

A child.

It was something she had thought about before. When he bought clothes and stuff from the merchants, Janet had asked. How did you come to that conclusion? …Aahh, she couldn’t drag him down. She had no right to drag him down to the depths.

Tessa recalled the conversation she had with Hert once again.

‘I wish I had no children. I don’t have the confidence to be a good parent.’

‘That’s the same for me. Above all, I don’t even know what parental love is.’

At that time, Tessa and Hert concluded that neither of them would have children.

Because they both grew up as orphans, they did not know about the relationship between parents and children, and they were full of burdens, worries, and fears about becoming parents.

First of all, the fact that they might make the child unhappy was the most frightening thing. There must be love that parents should give to their children, but they may not be able to give that love.

So they made a promise to each other. To not have children in the future.

They didn’t want any of their children to grow up as unhappy as they were.

However…

‘What to do. What to do now…’

Tessa was terrified. Even if she gave birth to a child in this state, it was unknown whether she would be able to raise the child well. Can she give love to your child like others do? When she’s in such a mess right now?

She couldn’t hold back the tears after reflecting on the fact that she was about to ruin one more life. Tears flowed nonstop down her cheeks.

‘I will never be a good mother… I might become the cause of that child’s destruction… Because I am stupid and I don’t know how to do anything…’

This child will be unhappy.

It is a pity that the child is not welcome.

Tessa cried loudly. The many worries and thoughts flooded her head like water.

It was a life that came so suddenly. And Tessa wasn’t in a condition to handle that life. Her breath kept getting lodged in her throat and her vision was blurring into black. She couldn’t think of what to do with this poor creature.

So Tessa impulsively grabbed Kennis and said.

“D-Doctor, a drug… to abort the child…”

“…Madam!”

“Please… This child… The child, it can’t… please…”